Room to Move

- You okay? - Mm-hmm.

- Is this your first baby? - Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Here's the baby's heart beating.

This is the baby's abdomen.

Here's the right kidney,

the left kidney,

the spine,

the tailbone, the lumbar,

dorsal, shoulder, the elbow.

The baby has a lot of room to move around.

This is the baby's head.

This is the outline of the baby's skull, looking down on the top.

This is looking down into the brain.

All the anatomy looks normal. The baby's the right size.

Stomach, spine, bladder, kidneys, heart,

everything I can see on a baby this age all looks normal.

Hi, everybody.

Hello.

Okay, we have a short amount of time together, so…

I know a lot of you are graduating soon.

And moving into the world, there's always a lot of unknown.

And this is a time where it feels like you need to look everywhere for advice.

And you need to look everywhere to understand how to go through your life.

So I just want to remind you, remember that you're here.

And to look inward and to trust yourselves,

because you have more answers in here than you think you do.

I feel scared.

I didn't know that it was going to be this hard…

learning all of this about myself.

Do you have questions for me?

Yes.

But at some point, I just made the connection

that it's dangerous to have curiosity or to ask questions.

Ten and one…

People need to understand

that some people experience the world in a different way.

But the incredible way that you perceive the world is amazing.

If dance was taken away from me, I wouldn't know myself.

But that's why this changes everything.

Tell me more.

There's a change when you're actually able to acknowledge

and name experiences and feelings that you've been having forever.

It just makes it a lot more real.

It's always felt like something just didn't add up.

Everything just feels different now.

We see a challenge in three areas.

One is communication.

One is socialization.

And one is repetitive and stereotyped behaviors.

You really are hitting all of those three marks.

And I have to see it over time,

through your history and early development.

There is a neurobiology to the way the person is

that starts very early in childhood

and really goes with you through a lifetime.

And so you do meet the criteria for autism spectrum disorder.

Autism spectrum disorder is a complex developmental condition

that involves persistent challenges in social interaction,

speech, and nonverbal communication and restricted/repetitive behaviors.

ASD is typically diagnosed in toddlerhood or early childhood.

The effect of ASD and the severity of symptoms are different in each person.

Do you have questions for me?

You need anything?

Just feels like…

It feels relieving, in a way.

I can't imagine.

Today, I officially received

my diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder, Level 1.

"Requires support."

Pack a bag.

Pack a bag?

-Yeah. -To go where?

-For the journey. -Oh.

I forget you don't like analogies.

That one went over my head.

Yeah, I've had a lot of feelings. Like, I…

I've felt like I don't trust my mind or my headspace in this weird way.

It's like, um…

I'll read, um… traits

of a person with autism or ASD Level 1,

and, you know, I feel like I'm reading about my life,

and it feels so clear to me, and I identify so deeply.

And then the next moment I'll feel like I'm making it all up, or it's not real,

or like I'm looking for a, you know, quick fix or something.

It's this weird head game I've been playing with myself.

But today I formally received, um, diagnosis.

So… I kinda can, like, take a breath

and know, um… know myself.

I don't feel like I've ever really…

had the possibility or the opportunity to do that.

So it feels like a lot, but in a way, it…

feels promising.

And I'm feeling grateful

that I've had the opportunity to go through this process.

So why are you afraid?

Participating in a documentary is my worst nightmare,

having to communicate with someone

on, like, such a deep level, and…

I trust Alex, but… I don't like to do things that I don't know how to do.

But you know the answer

because all the things that you can do now you once didn't know how to do.

So what made you somehow… overcome those moments?

I'm like, "I don't know where I am." What's up?

-Good to meet you. -Nice to meet you.

-This is Ian. -Hey, Ian. I'm Alex.

Well, I believe this is the right thing to do.

So I'll just do it.

This is James.

-Wow, look at that. -Wow. He's giving it.

-He's serving it. -He's serving it up.

And then the legend herself.

-That picture… -That's my first recital.

-With the hand… -I know.

-Do you mind if I mic you? -Sure.

Part of what is stressful to me is that I don't know how a documentary is made

or how, like, you work, and…

-You're also filming me. -I've been filming.

I'm just trying to capture stuff of just her kind of existing in space.

And it's been awesome.

It's weird because every person I, like, encounter now

doesn't know this.

So-- And then also to be thinking about filming all--

Like, everything is just crazy.

Everything is…

Every day is like a day I haven't experienced yet.

You're gonna freak.

Wow, look at that.

I have this courage

to do things in the name of dance

that, like, I would not be able to do as just Jenn.

-Like what we're doing right now. -Same.

And like a lot of things in my life

because at, like, the seed of every interaction

or every opportunity or every job is,

"No, I don't wanna do that."

Like, it feels instantaneously a level of anxiety.

But I just do it anyways.

I'm exactly the same way.

-Um, this project, I think, is different. -Okay.

I'm honestly not really sure what it is yet.

Basically, my whole career revolves around what performance gives to the audience.

But I've always wanted to explore

what performance actually gives back to the artists themselves.

Totally.

And that led me to movement-based psychotherapy,

which is just a very fancy way of saying

"communication through dance when words fail."

-Totally. -This is something I struggle with.

-You were the first person I thought of. -Of course.

I realize it's been six years, but I reached out to you

because I've been following your career since we did that music video together.

I think it's fate that after all this time,

I texted you on the same day you got your diagnosis.

I still can't get over it. It's so bizarre.

I got home the night before from a trip to LA.

We have her session next morning. Boom, in comes the email.

-Yeah. -And then her session is just wild.

What was the draw to go into performing arts and to dance?

My answer before was that…

I was just guided into it

and fell in love with it.

And… it feels like it's my purpose

and what I'm supposed to do with this life.

And it's my talent.

And it's the way that I connect with people.

And it's the way that I can help people.

But I just always had this feeling that I was guided

or being, like, guided through this life,

which… I still do in a way,

but… I think I just really--

I just became obsessed with dance, possibly just because I'm autistic.

And, like, it was…

It was helpful for me

in ways that I… am just now understanding.

Okay, let's see where this goes.

Maybe we ease into it, and I just shadow you.

-Okay. Okay. -And we see if anything comes from it.

Okay. Then, let's begin.

One, two, three, four, five, six…

And one, two. Ha, ha.

Yes, Barry! Ha, ha.

Ha, ha. Hey! Hup!

Five, six…

Hey! Yes!

Yes, go wide…

All that space in your quadrant.

Yes. Yes.

Eyes here. Let me see you.

In the beginning, it was just dance.

But it's been years…

Opening, it's flowering.

…since it stopped being that therapy for me.

At some point,

dance started taking more from me than it was giving me.

Yes!

As a human, when I'm watching you dance,

if I can't find your eyes,

I literally can't connect with you.

I found a way to make a living doing the thing I love,