Stuart Fails to Save the Universe

This can't be happening!

Rain! Please, rain!

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

He called forth rain!

He controls the heavens.

He has the power!

Just so I'm clear,

you told you to use that machine

to get back to your universe.

Uh, no, not my universe.

His universe, which was supposed to be my universe.

- And he was you? - Almost.

He was the me I was supposed to have been.

But if you were supposed to have been him,

then how could he have existed to tell you that?

Fair question.

More importantly, you and I are back together.

What do you mean, "back together"?

- We were never together. - Okay! Yep.

I see what your problem is.

You're confusing the you and I that you remember

with the you and I that I remember. Easy mistake.

- This is insane. - Yes, it is.

A wonderful story to tell our grandchildren.

I need a drink.

That's right. This version of you is an alcoholic.

I'm not an alcoholic. I can quit anytime I want.

Okay, I guess I'll be here selling, uh

whatever the hell this is.

There are legends of sorcerers

capable of controlling the weather,

but no one's ever witnessed it.

Wait. So you guys think that I'm the one who made it...?

'Cause I did.

Rain, snow, hail...

I do all your precipitation.

Are you in league with a demon?

Oh, no, I just ask nicely. You know, "Please rain."

Ta-da!

One more time.

So, anyway, he thinks he can pick up with me

right where he left off with the other me.

The you from another universe?

You got it. And dig this.

He claims he got all that from another version of himself.

I'm guessing from another universe?

Exactly.

Okay. Why don't we get some food in that stomach?

Deviled eggs, little on the nose.

- Diet? - Oh, I'm sorry.

- It's regular. - Not a problem.

Now, it's Diet.

You like that? Watch this.

Dr. Pepper!

You can control the elements.

Can you manifest life?

You mean like hocus pocus puppy?

Look at you!

House-broken.

Does your magic work in the bedroom?

I don't need magic in the bedroom.

I'm a good listener.

Mm.

Colder.

Mm. There we go.

Holy cow, this is unbelievable.

- Hey. - Where have you been?

Wooking everywhere for you.

Have you seen Bert?

I have not. I have not seen Bert, no.

- Should we be worried? - Were you worried about me?

- Not really, no. - Well, there you go.

Huh. Hey... Check this out.

In a universe of magic, what are the comic books?

Dr. Strange Colorectal Surgeon.

It's a great story.

He does a bowel resection.

Yeah, tewwific. We gotta get out of here.

We could chill here for a while.

Stuart, the people here think science is evil.

How's that different from our world?

Besides, we can't leave without Bert and Denise.

Bert will be fine, and you can always

get a new Denise in the next universe.

They're a dime a dozen.

No, I want this one.

She's got a little problem with the sauce,

but so did my mom.

Maybe that's why I'm finding her so attractive.

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Stop that.

- Stop... Stop it. - Come on, work. Work.

- Ow! - Stop that!

It's not working. Why isn't it working?

I don't know. You're the scientist.

What?

They burn scientists here.

- Burn them how? - With fire.

What do you mean, "how"? Wait a minute.

If this universe doesn't obey the waws of physics,

then maybe we need magic.

Okay. You know a wizard or a sorcerer or something?

I do not. I absolutely do not.

Remember when you could just say,

"Hey, Alexa, show me wizards near me"?

- Yeah. - Yeah, what?

What the hell?

Come on. I'm the demon Alexa. You summoned me.

I'm fweaked out. You fweaked out?

- Mm-hmm. - Tick tock.

- Got a lot of people waiting. - Uh...

Okay, uh...

- Are there any wizards around? - Checking.

While you wait, I noticed your shopping list is empty.

How you doin' with paper towels?

Will you just show us some wizards?

Do not take that tone with me, buddy boy.

- Sowwy. - Okay.

Here are some wizards near you.

How's it going?

Can't complain.

Stuart, here's a name I wecognize.

Bernadette Wostenkowski, master sowcewess.

Yeah, four-and-a-half stars.

Well, you guys want this broad's address or what?

Uh... Uh... Walking, not dwiving?

And don't even get me started on Stuart.

He says he loves me.

Well, the Stuart I know, he was kind of a wimpy guy.

And then this Stuart comes in and he's like,

he's taking me from universe to universe, you know.

And sometimes he loses me, but he always finds me.

He always finds me. But it's a different me.

Totally different. But still love, right?

- Sure. - Yeah.

Oh, my God. Gary.

Hi, Gary!

Hey, Gary.

- Have we met? - Gary,

we were in a terrible marriage for six years.

But we never fought, not once.

'Cause we had shock collars.

They really hurt.

You'd be getting all mad, and you'd be like...

You used to part your hair on the other side.

I think I liked it better.

Oh. Oh.

Have you or a loved one been injured

by a defective spell or faulty incantation?

Call me, Abramowitz the Grey.

Over 700 years' experience in magical litigation.

Now what?

Oh. Hey, Stuart. Kripke.

- You know us? - Of course, I know you.