Bride Hard

Okay, so, now that you're a bride,

does that make me your "bride-or-die"?

Definitely forever.

I really cannot wait to get

as many Frenchmen's baguettes in my mouth as possible.

So jealous. I mean, it's gonna be just like

when we used to go out in college,

except for, you know,

I'm pregnant now and I can't drink,

and I actually care about what happens to me.

Listen, that's okay, that's okay. I will drink for you.

I'll drink for me, I'll drink for everybody.

You guys, tonight is gonna be

the best bachelorette party ever

because it was organized by my

oldest and dearest friend, Sam!

This one!

This one!

Bon appétit.

Sound levels are a go.

Visuals are a go.

Drone in position.

B unit ready?

Maintain your position.

Dragonfly, are you in position?

Dragonfly. Sam, are you in position?

Where in the hell is she?

Thank you, Sam, for moving

the bachelorette party to Paris

with only four days' notice to suit your work schedule.

Well, I knew you guys would understand.

Sure! Of course.

Like we understand how you missed the engagement party

and the dress-fitting brunch, and the cake-icing design jam.

Is that really a... That's a thing.

It's okay. It's okay.

Lucky that I am here to pick up your slack,

even though I am not technically the Maid of Honor.

Why is she like this?

Do we have a table booked ahead,

because he's not really...

It's fine. No, I did make a booking,

a table under the name Sam. Maid of Honor.

What?

Party for Sam.

Party for Sam!

Party for Sam!

This is your final time for strange dick.

Oh, my God. Strange as in unfamiliar

or strange as in weird shape?

Girl, either, both, all of it. I don't care. Just have fun!

What are you doing here? Things are moving fast.

The mission is no longer tomorrow. It's tonight.

It can't be tonight. I promised Betsy...

Betsy-Shmetsy, okay? Thousands of lives are at stake.

You always say that. 'Cause it's always true!

Turn her. Yay!

Welcome to Club Yoshiki.

Thank you. Thank you.

Okay, I cannot leave. Like, Betsy needs me.

This is her bachelorette.

Smile.

Mom, what are you doing here?

I slept my way in.

You did what?

I slept here overnight.

Oh, my God. I thought you were saying something else.

I'm sure Betsy won't mind if I join you girls.

No, I mean, who wouldn't mind their future mother-in-law

surprising them at their own bachelorette party?

I need you to leave in 30 seconds.

Betsy will notice me go. 29, 28, 27...

I'll be at the truck. She... What am I gonna do?

I arranged a distraction. What?

It's a pretty damn good one, too.

I hate you.

Sam.

We hear someone's getting married.

Come on!

Wait, wait.

If I'm getting dry humped by a Viking, you are, too.

We're in this together. We got room for two.

Betsy!

Yeah!

God. Oh, my God. Yeah!

You are working it.

Sam, I'm really glad we're hanging out again together.

It's been too long. I know.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. I forgive you.

You know, you're really great,

but I really love my fiancé. You know.

Whoo!

Okay.

Oh, my God! Mm, mm, mm!

Whoa!

Did you feel Thor's hammer?

Where... Where's my friend?

You're my Viking lover. Sam?

Where did Sam go? What's your love language?

Well, it used to be physical touch.

What did Sam say she does for a living again?

Cat show entrepreneur.

Spank, spank, spank, spank!

Where the hell have you been?

Let's focus here.

We're guests of the French government.

Let's keep a low profile.

Let's get an identification and get out of here.

Hello, Muscles.

Face coming through?

Magnus Paulson. Son of a bitch.

We meet again.

Is that the bioweapon?

Oh, my God. What?

Intel said they were six months away.

We need to get the package.

Negative, Sam. We are not authorized

for conflict engagement.

We're not even actually armed.

Speak for yourself.

God damn it, Sam. You're making me do this.

Uh, Dragonfly is on the move.

B unit, subdue Agent Sam Doolan.

Do not get in my way.

Come on!

She's fighting our own guys.

Go us.

I don't like this.

- Let's go. - What is she doing?

Sam! What are you doing?

I'm going to get the package.

Are you with me or not?

Fine.

For the lovely ladies.

Here we go. Thank you.

Don't mind if I do.

Sam, this mission is observation only. Disengage.

Are you serious?

No, that's my best drone! Come on!

Okay, take this. We need to split up.

Let's get him! Go!

Stop.

Mm, mm! Mm.

I've been plundered.

What is her job that is so important?

What is this profession?

Yes. Keep going, you got it! You guys, wait.

Who runs out on their best friend's bachelorette?

Just drink!

Agent Dragonfly, up here!

You're going to shoot me?

Really?

Now let's negotiate my passage from Europe.

Sure, let's talk.

These are the terms.

One, I keep what's in this bag.

Two, no...

God damn it, Sam!

Debrief in the safe room!

We got him.

Debrief!

I know. Genius move. Stop! Stop the truck!

"Thanks, Sam!" You're welcome!

Sam.

Okay, okay!

I'm sorry I kicked you in the face

and you in the quim.

Sorry I broke your drone, Stevie.

But, hey, we got the bioweapon!

- We got the bioweapon. - Sam...

Bioweapon? Sam, you almost killed four of us, right?

You managed to somehow drop me

several stories into a caprese salad!

But she's not trying to make me feel special tonight.

- Nope. Nope. - No.

It's not because she doesn't love you.

I don't want to plant that thought in your head, okay?

She doesn't love me, huh?

I don't know what the hell to do with you. Okay?

So I'm gonna take you off the ice, we're gonna

put you on the bench... What?

And we'll just say you're on holiday. Okay?

I haven't taken a holiday in five years.

Okay...

What I want you to do right now

is just get out of my sight!

Now! Okay. Well, I have to go,

'cause those penis straws aren't gonna suck themselves.

I'll just... I'll call you later.

Anyone who runs out of a bachelorette, they're a dick.

You hear me? A dick.

- They're a dick. - Right?

On top of it, a Maid of Honor?

A Maid of Honor! All I gotta say is

- that that person is... - Oh, hi, Sam.

I don't even want to see her. Welcome back.

- Welcome back, Sam. - Hey.

What up, Sam?

Hi.