The Oscars

There's no place like home. There's no place like home.

Of all the places I could be, I will always want to be here with you.

For the rainbow, the way up high.

Was a land that I've heard of once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow Skies are blue.

And the dreams that you dare to dream Really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star And wake up where the clouds are far Behind me.

But troubles melt like lemon drops.

Way above the chimney tops. That's where you find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow birds fly.

Moons fly over the rainbow. Why can't I?

If happy little blue birds fly.

Beyond the rainbow, Why can't I?

I think of a place where there's love overflowing.

I wish I was home, I wish I was back there with the things I've been knowing.

When that makes the tall grass bend into leaning.

Suddenly the raindrops that fall, they have a meaning.

Sprinkling the sea makes it all clean.

Suddenly my world's gone and changed its fate.

But I still know where I'm going.

I have had my mind spun around in space.

And yet I've watched it growing.

And I've learned that we must look inside our hearts.

To find...

Unlimited. Together we're unlimited.

Together we'll be the greatest team there's ever been.

Glimmed our dreams the way we planned them.

If we work in tandem, there's no fight we cannot win.

Just you and I, defying gravity.

With you and I, defying gravity.

they'll never bring us down.

So if you care to find me, out to the western sky.

As someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly.

And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free.

To those who ground me, take a message back from me.

Tell them how I am defying gravity

I'm flying high, defying gravity

And soon, I'll match them in renown

And nobody in all of Oz

no wizard that there is or was is ever gonna bring me down

I hope you're happy

Bring me down!

Conan, you're on. Conan? Conan?

Where is that shoe?

Come on.

- Come on. - Conan, everyone's waiting.

- Conan. - Okay, give me a minute.

It's down there. Okay.

I see ya.

Come on, shoe. Where are you?

Please welcome four-time oscar viewer Conan o'brien.

thank you very much. please sit down

Seriously, sit down.

You never stood. Okay, all right.

Hi to me. How are you?

That was weird.

Yeah, awkward.

I'm missing some car keys.

Anyway, this is very exciting.

Hello, I'm your host, Conan O'Brien.

Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you.

I know what you're thinking. Did Conan not have work done?

Seriously.

He looks his age.

I should've done something.

I am excited to be here.

Welcome to the 97th Academy Awards.

It's Hollywood's biggest night that starts at 4 in the afternoon.

Everyone here just had brunch.

I don't understand it.

But it's the Oscars and I say, let's do this thing.

You ready to go?

I am.

I'm walking to show I have control of the stage.

A complete unknown.

A real...

A real pain.

Nosferatu.

These are just some of the names I was called on the red carpet.

I think two were fair.

We're here to celebrate the movie industry.

What a year for the movie industry.

Netflix leads all studios with an impressive 18, count them, 18 price increases.

Yes.

And I think they can beat that next year.

And how about those ladies, Ariana and Cynthia?

Weren't they amazing?

Wicked is nominated tonight in 10 categories.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's the perfect movie for anyone who's ever

finished watching The Wizard of Oz and thought, sure,

but where did all the minor characters go to college?

That's the story.

I love The Brutalist. I really did. I love The Brutalist.

Yeah.

Brutalist also received 10 nominations. Yeah.

No, I love The Brutalist. I really did. I didn't want it to end and luckily it didn't.

Conclave. I'm a Catholic boy. I love Conclave. Yeah.

Yeah.

The movie Conclave is nominated for Best Picture tonight.

If you haven't seen Conclave, its logline is,

a movie about the Catholic Church, but don't worry.

You got to hold on that one and just wait. Yeah.

And then it comes rolling back at you.

Ralph Fiennes is excellent in Conclave. Yeah.

You are. True fact.

This is actually Ralph Fiennes' third time being nominated. Yeah.

If he doesn't win tonight, we all get to call him Ralph.

Hey Ralph, give me a towel.

Can't tell if he's laughing or not. It doesn't matter.

Not getting paid a lot. Hey, you know what?

I loved the Nora. I really did. Yeah. I loved the Nora.

Yeah. Yeah. True story.

Little fact for you. Nora uses the F word 479 times.

That's three more than the record set by Carla Sofia Gascón's publicist.

You tweeted what?

I'm having fun. Carla Sofia Gascón is here tonight.

And yeah.

And Carla, if you are going to tweet about the Oscars, remember,

my name is Jimmy Kimmel.

Before we go any further, I want you to know, we did not use AI to make this show.

No AI. Yeah.

No AI. Yeah.

We would never do that. We use child labor.

Hey, there's still people.

Of course, we lost little Billy, but that's sad. Anyway.

Another movie nominated for Best Picture is I'm Still Here.

Yeah, I'm Still Here is about a woman who forges ahead alone after her husband goes missing.

Yeah. When my wife saw it, she called it the feel-good movie of the year.

Thanks, one guy. Hey!

Jimmy Chalamet is up for Best Actor tonight. You're amazing.

And you look amazing.

I bow to you.

I love that suit.

You will not get hit on your bike tonight.

Safe.

An amazing actor. Timothy is nominated for his portrayal of Bob Dylan.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bob Dylan wanted to be here tonight, but not that badly.

Timothy Chalamet is also in Dune II.

Yeah. Yeah.

Dune II is nominated for Best Picture Director, Denis Veneuve.

And guess what?

I'm told he banned smartphones on the set of Dune II.

Did you know that? Yeah.

Apparently his actors kept Googling, what is this movie about?

We'll hang afterwards, Timmy. It's gonna be fun.

That was a no.

You know, one of my favorite movies didn't get nominated this year, Baby Girl.

Yeah, I love that film.

Yeah.

In the film, Baby Girl, Antonio Banderas plays a

man who doesn't know how to give his wife an orgasm.

Banderas described it as the most challenging role of his career.

Should have come to me, man. Should have come to me.

Hey, big news recently. Amazon has taken over the 007 franchise.

And they just announced the next James Bond.

Did you know that? Yeah.

It's Amazon's Senior Vice President of Global Affairs, Steve Belsky!

Ladies love him.

Speaking of Amazon, we have some footage of Amazon

chief Jeff Bezos arriving tonight on the red carpet.

This is great. Let's see if we can get out there.

And here he comes.

Yeah. There he is!

He seems undamaged.

Hey! At least he made it.

Wait, where's Jeff?

What happened to Mr. Bezos?

Oh, for God's sake!

Why?! Why?!

Look for him on eBay next week.

Let me explain what we're doing tonight.

We have a great show, but before we continue, there are a few

housekeeping rules I'm implementing to keep the Oscars running smoothly.

First, if your acceptance speech goes too long,

instead of playing you off with music, we have something much more powerful.

We'll cut to John Lithgow in the audience looking not angry, but slightly disappointed.

That just freezes you in your tracks. I could not keep speaking if I saw that.

I couldn't. That's amazing. Thank you, sir.

And if you still won't get off the stage, I'm going to play hardball.

I'm going to show one of your old headshots.

Okay? This means you, Guy Pearce.

There you are.

I loved you with Guns N' Roses. You're amazing.

It means you, Zoe Saldana.

That's a nice headshot.

And it means you, Timothée Chalamet.

You know, I did that to them, and so it's only fair to do it to me.

Let's show it. Come on right now. There you go.

Yeah. That was taken when I was 38 years old.

What did you think of that bit, Mr. Lithgow?

He's still committing. I love it.

That's acting. That's acting.

And finally, for such a prestigious night, it's

important that everyone is properly dressed. Okay?