Murder 101: If Wishes Were Horses

Miranda: You are listening to Barry and Miranda

on your favorite talk radio, KYO,

coming to you live from Santa Anita race track.

Barry: This is an historic day, folks...

Not just for horse racing,

but for America, for the world,

the day we say good-bye to a superstar.

This is the day heaven love runs his last race.

What must be going through the hearts and minds

of Jacob Brawley, daughter Diana, and son Jake,

seeing the horse in his final race?

What about Bernard Alger,

a guy who they said was washed up as a trainer?

The Brawleys gave him a shot, and the rest is history

with one horse. Heaven love,

who won our hearts and over $10 million in 2 years of racing,

could be on his way to earning 100 times that in retirement.

Miranda: You're right, Barry.

They do say he'll be worth

a billion dollars in stud fees.

After all, in the thoroughbred game,

it is all about breeding.

Why we rushing?

Because we're late... Because you made us late.

We can't be that late.

This is a horse race,

probably the most important horse race of the century,

and it's going to start with or without me.

I intend to make the gate.

Miranda: In heaven love's case, it's all about heart.

19 out of 20 races, losing only one by a nose

in last month's muddy Belmont Stakes,

and, of course, losing out on the triple crown

because of it.

It's right over there!

Man: Mike! Mike! Mike Bryant!

Pops!

Thought you weren't going to make it!

So did I.

- I'm his nephew Ben. - Hey. Pops.

Come on!

Barry: General Chang in the lead.

Aquarian, second, mercy time, third,

and heaven love, followed by wide angle,

minute maid, and didgeridoo.

Miranda: You did that quite well, Barry.

Barry: Down the stretch, heaven love makes his move.

The crowd is on their feet. The cheering is deafening.

Heaven love takes the lead by 3 lengths.

Now, he makes it 5!

Coming to the wire at the pole!

Heaven love!

- What's going on? - The race is over!

We missed it.

Hey, well, we can always catch the highlight

on the 10:00 news.

He did it! We won! Yes!

Great!

What's the matter with him?

Woman: Jonathan?

Jonathan!

Jonathan!

Jonathan?

Professor Maxwell!

Mary! Hi!

What planet were you on?

What? Beg your pardon?

I was calling... no, yelling your name.

I'm sorry. It's these darn hearing aids.

I can't get them set right.

Oh. Oh, I didn't know.

I just got them. One of the perks of the golden years.

Well, I'm not golden... Yet, but I wear them too.

Oh, well, see, now, you... You can hide yours.

There's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Yeah. I got surround sound,

I got telephone, I got voice...

Either I can't hear anything at all,

or I'm hearing a pin drop 40 yards away.

Let me see if I can just help you adjust it there.

- Whoa! - Oh!

I'm sorry. Sorry.

Ahh.

- Oh! - Better.

There.

Oh, that's good.

A lot better. Thank you.

Ahh. Oh! Here's the book you ordered.

Oh, well... you didn't have to do that.

I could have come to the library and get it.

I can't ask an old guy like you

to walk all the way to the library.

That's an age joke!

Hey. How's my boy, huh?

Look what I got for you!

That's right. It's your big day, boy.

That's right. The press are coming to say good-bye.

- Hey, Mike. - Mm-hmm.

So we know that most murderers have

some kind of an intimate connection with the victim

or were a member of the victim's family.

That's true about 90% of the time.

It's a good place to start.

But of course, the criminologist has to look

beyond all the statistics

and look for the human complexities involved.

You know, D.N.A. Says we're all very different. We're all unique.

So each murder has its own unique complexities

and its own motives.

So if you haven't learned anything else in this class,

learn that.

He says that about everything.

I heard that.

I know I say it about everything,

but this time, it is especially true.

Believe me.

Ok, class. See you next week.

Well done, professor.

I'm sorry. I didn't know

someone was sitting in on the class.

I kind of snuck in when it was dark...

An old bad habit of mine, I'm afraid.

It's been a long time. Are you...

Focusing only on murders now?

Murder's... such a primitive crime.

I mean, no strategy,

no gamesmanship, no finesse.

That would depend on the murderer, wouldn't it?

Well, like those statistics say,

most murders are a crime of passion or...

A grudge against daddy.

Your talents as a criminologist should be elevated

to more challenging pursuits

like they used to be.

You know, you seem to know me,

but I'm afraid I haven't had the pleasure...

I think you've had the pleasure

of sending me away for a very long time.

Rene de Leon.

It warms my heart that you remember.

Biggest scam in horse racing history, right?

Until they brought you in on the case.

So, uh, when...

When did I get out? About a year ago.

If you remember, the sentence was 15 years,

but my behavior was... Impeccable.

Well, this is different.

Never been to a horse retirement party before.

Not many people have.

Pops: George, you want to get the horse trailer ready?

- Pops. - Hey, Mike.

Good to see you could make it.

Nephew.

Yeah. I met you at the race.

Yeah. We don't talk about that.

Uncle Mike told me you used to be a jockey.

100 years ago.

Let me introduce you to heaven love,

the greatest racehorse of this century.

Never been this close to a racehorse before.

I've never been this close to any horse before.

Yeah. This horse is pure magic.

Hey, when you were a jockey,

did you ride a horse like him?

Son, there never has been a horse like him.

He is one of a kind.

Wow. I thought you only knew about surfing.

Well, now, I've liked horses since I was a little kid,

- playing lone ranger. - Who?

Hey, Billy, you want to change the head stall

and bring him down in about 10 minutes.

You got it, boss.

Come on, guys.

Well, if you didn't come to kill me,

then I still don't know why you came to see me.

Oh, just to renew acquaintances, I guess...

To see and be seen.

So, what for you now? Straight and narrow, maybe?

I've been exploring some choices.

Say, would...

Would you like to get a drink, or maybe some dinner?

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't.

You still don't trust me, professor?

Oh, no. It's not that.

I'm cooking for some friends tonight.

Well, perhaps another time.