South Park

Dude, what are we going to do for New Year's Eve?

It has to be awesome.

I know.

It's probably going to be the biggest night of our lives.

You guys, you guys.

Guess what.

What, fat ass?

I've become a man.

I started puberty, you guys.

Huh? No, you didn't.

Yes, I really did.

How do you know?

Well, because yesterday,

I got my period.

You got your what?

My period, you guys.

You see, there comes a time in every child's life

when they grow up, and nature starts to takes it's course

by having you bleed out of your ass for a few days every month.

You're making that up.

Ms. Alton, what's it mean to get a period?

Well, boys, I don't think I can tell you, uh...

Please, it's important.

Well, it's when puberty hits, and you bleed.

You know, down there.

Holy ( bleep ), dude. Cartman's right.

Well, guys, I'm afraid I won't be able

to hang out with you on New Year's Eve.

I have to hang out with the older crowd

because now... I'm mature.

Dude, Cartman can't hit puberty before us.

Well, maybe we'll get ours soon, too.

I'm going to go see if I'm bleeding out my ass.

: Me, too.

In local news, a stomach virus is going around

that is causing bleeding of the colon in some small children.

Doctors are telling parents

that the virus is nothing to worry about

and that the infections can be dealt with

with simple antibiotics.

Well, it's just four days until New Year's Eve 1999.

The new millennium is almost upon us,

and all over the world, people have started to celebrate

by dancing, singing, and killing one another.

But probably the biggest event of the millennium

is one happening in South Park, Colorado,

where people have gathered

for a chance to see Jesus Christ.

Craig Netzel is Standing by.

Thanks, Tom.

It is indeed four days

until the new millennium

and hundreds, if not thousands, of people

have come from all over the world seeking Jesus...

here at his house in South Park.

Everyone is giddy with anticipation

for Jesus to come out

because, as we all know,

if Jesus comes out of his house

and is not scared by his shadow,

it means the next thousand years will be full of peace and love.

Oh, it looks like Jesus might be coming out.

Oh, look, Tommy, there he is.

Can you see him?

He's neat, Mommy.

( shutters clicking rapidly )

Everyone is quiet here, Tom.

Looks like the little fella's a bit nervous.

But he has taken another step out, Tom.

This is great news for us.

Um, what are you people doing?

Can I help you with something?

Well, it's the millennium, Jesus.

Uh-huh.

Well... it's the millennium.

Yeah. Yeah. Right.

So, what happens at the millennium?

I don't know.

We thought you did.

Yeah, you're supposed to know.

Yeah. Yeah, you're Jesus.

Hey.

Oh. Well...

Yea, believe in me and ye shall find peace.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've heard that crap

for about 2,000 years now.

We want to hear something new.

It's the year 2000 for Christ's sake.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, what do you want?

We want to see God.

Yeah, with our own eyes.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We've followed blindly for thousands of years

and we think the least God can do

is show up for New Year's Eve 1999.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, uh, let me think about that for a minute.

Is that good? I don't know.

I don't know. Is that good or no?

Hello?

Dude, did you get your period yet?

No, there's no blood coming out of my ass.

Mine either, but I double-checked

and Cartman was right.

Your period is the start of puberty.

Well, if Cartman is the only one who gets it,

and he thinks he's too grown up to hang out with us

on New Year's Eve, then screw him anyways.

Yeah!

Come on Cartman, we have to make plans for New Year's.

Hold your horses, guys.

This is very important for mature people.

Let's see.

"Offers complete protection during heavy flow." Hmm.

Let's see: "Maximum stoppage of vaginal chunks."

Ooh, this one's got wings, you guys.

You did?!

You got your period too, Kenny?

Well, welcome to the club, Kenny.

You got your period, so now you're a man.

We can hang out together

on New Year's Eve.

But first, you need to buy some maxi-pads

to stuff in the back of your pants

so you don't get blood on your underwear.

NETZEL ( over TV ): Tom, it looked for a second

as if Jesus was going to come out of his house,

but then he went back inside.

But meanwhile, more and more people are showing up

to show their support for Jesus.

Well, the way I see it,

if He really is who He says He is

well, then He'd better do something on New Year's Eve,

'cause it's in the Bible.

Father, I need to talk to you.

Please, Father, appear to me.

What is it, my child?

Father, everyone is starting to pay attention to me again

because of the new millennium.

I'm kind of making a comeback.

Yea, like John Travolta before you,

you're experiencing a second revival.

It's the millennium, Father.

People want to see you.

Nay, their eyes are not yet prepared to see the likes of me.

But, Dad, I think this may be my one big shot at a comeback.

Be ye careful of pride, Jesus.

Just make an appearance.

You can come down, say hi to a few people

and can be back by 12:30.

I'm sorry, my son,

but if you want to earn everyone's love,

you will have to do it yourself.

Ike, can I talk to you?

Uh, uff, diffint.

Ike, I don't know what to do.

All the guys are getting their periods,

and I don't think I am.

I can't be the last one to get it, I just can't.

Vo-vo, teary.

Cartman got his, then Kenny.

What if, tomorrow, Stan says he got his

and I'm left out?

I might not even get to be their friend anymore.

No, mertur sugar.

Murgy, Mickey Mouse.

Taggit dog.

Yeah! I could just say I got my period.

It's not like they'll check.

I can just say I got my period

'cause I really will get it someday.

It's not really lying.

It's just jumping the gun a little.

Koo-koo mutter.

Thanks a lot, Ike.

So you guys aren't gonna spend New Year's Eve with us?

Look, Kenny and I are mature now.

We can't spend New Year's Eve

with a couple of kids.

Did you get your maxi-pads, Kenny?

Tampon? What's a tampon?

Ooh, doesn't that hurt?

: A little.

You guys, I got my period, too!

Wow, cool.

You did?

Yeah. I was just hanging out in my room,