The Life & Times of Tim

All right, whoo!

Let's see what we got here. Okay okay.

You ready for this? Boom boom boom boom!

You can just take the shot.

This one's called the Don Quixote.

- Here we go. - What?

- Whoo! Damn! - Whoa, ow!

- Damn it! - What happened?

You are a terrible pool player.

It's amazing.

You win again.

One, two, three, four, five balls.

- That's 50 more bucks I owe you. - $190.

But my luck's about to change. Rack 'em up.

Here we go, another game!

No, I gotta get home actually. My girlfriend's waiting.

- Whoa whoa whoa whoa. - Wha-pish.

- You can't do that, man. - No, you gotta just pay.

No, because you can't leave without giving me

a chance to win my money back.

Yeah, he's right. I mean, that's basic gambling etiquette.

- Gambling etiquette? - It's not fair for one guy to win then leave.

- It's not cool. - But when do I ever get to leave?

When you have lost. That's how it works.

And by the way, I don't have any money, so you have to play anyway.

- Joke's on you. - Wait. You don't have any money?

- Dude, I'm a hustler. - You're a hustler?

- You've been losing for two hours. - Yeah, well...

- That's how a hustle works. - Thank you.

I lose a bunch of games on purpose.

You get all confident, and then bam...

I pull out a tiny suitcase. You're like, "What's that?"

And I'm like, "It's my custom cue, AKA Kevin. "

When was that gonna happen? It's almost midnight.

It's like smoking a piece of pork.

- It takes a long time. - Yes.

I don't have time to smoke a... piece of pork.

Ugh, this is a time-honored tradition.

There's a code, you're disrespecting it and I don't appreciate it.

- That's fair. - I'm gonna go get a nice kebab

- and go home and sleep. - He's leaving the bar.

Bye.

That was rude. You should have let him take you.

Yeah, he bets me and then the guy, he just left.

Tim, we could really use $190.

If you say it like that, it sounds like we're poor.

- Well... - Come on, we got

a microwave oven and a toaster oven.

- Seriously? - Who has multiple ovens? Rich people.

Someone took advantage of you

and, as usual, you just backed down.

No, I didn't back down.

I stood there and made sarcastic comments

as he continued to do as he pleases.

Just call the guy and make him give you the money.

- If I do, will you stop nagging me about it? - What?

What's wrong? What happened? You talking to me?

- "Stop nagging"? - I didn't say that word.

- That's the forbidden word. - Yes, it is.

- I'll stop saying "nagging. " - You just said it again.

- What, "nagging"? - Stop!

- You're nagging me right now. - No, I'm not.

- You can't nag someone... - Stop saying that word!

Enough. Enough with the... persistent requests.

- Oh, Stu. - Tim.

You're looking at a furious guy.

Furious George, the angry monkey.

- It's not funny. - You do look like a monkey.

How do I get in touch with your buddy,

- the pool hustler? - Gabe?

- Is that his name? - That guy's not my buddy.

I lost money to him at poker and couldn't pay.

You brought him in and said, "Hey, everyone, meet my buddy. "

I just said that because he said he would let me off the hook

if I introduced him to my friends so that he could rip them off.

I don't appreciate that.

What you're missing here is the silver lining,

and that is that I consider you a friend.

And that is the point of the story here.

- No, I want my money. - It's a touching moment.

I don't need the friendship. I need the hundred...

You need to acknowledge these moments, Tim.

- I'm getting furious now. - I can tell because

- nothing about you has changed. - Do you have his phone number?

- I got something better. - Got his address?

I have a series of clues and hints which, if deciphered correctly,

will lead you to an underground card game

which he plays in occasionally.

It's not better than a phone number.

- It's as good as a phone number. - No, it's a little worse.

Six of one, six of the other.

Hey, you know, is this the underground poker game?

- I don't know. Uh, I'm a bum. - You're a bum?

- Nice meeting you. - Uh...

- That's a pretty sweet microwave. - Thank you.

- What? - Oh.

Is this the underground poker club?

Underground poker club? That sounds illegal.

This is a bookstore.

- It's not a bookstore. - Yeah, it is.

Books 'N' Stuff... that's the name of the store.

- Oh, man, I just wanna ask you a question. - Okay, Officer.

- You can ask me any question you want. - I'm not a cop.

I don't have a gun. I'm not muscular.

- I'm not confident. - You know what you look like?

- What? - A snitch.

- Come on. - Doesn't take muscles to be a snitch.

- I'm not a snitch. - You got a little snitch mouth, don't you?

He does have that snitch mouth.

That's the first thing I thought about him too.

- Is anyone talking to you? - No.

He can't wait for people to talk to him.

He would never get to say anything.

I'm looking for a guy named Gabe. He plays in the game.

- I could tell you where you can find Gabe. - Yeah?

But you show up there and they're gonna ask you

a lot more questions than I did.

Sounds very dramatic.

How did you hear about Madison Academy?

Um, I was looking for an underground card game

and some guy told me through a door...

I did not receive your pamphlet if that's what you're asking.

- I... I'm looking for Gabe. - Oh, Mr. Rickson.

He teaches in B26.

- He can't be a teacher. - Oh, yes.

He brings math to the masses.

I can't imagine it's the same Gabe.

Okay, since the two triangles

ADE and ABC are what? Are what?

Similar, you get...

- Hey. - Okay, everybody,

I gotta deal with this dingaling outside my door.

Give me a second.

What the heck's going on here, man?

What are you doing? You're a math teacher?

I'm a math genius. It's why I'm so good at pool.

- I see all the angles. - Really?

I guess there was one angle you didn't calculate properly...

the Tim angle.

Really?

- It's at a right angle. - All right.

- Pointy. - That's great.

Do you want me to give you your money?

- I don't have it. - You gotta pay.

I came to the school. It's a dramatic gesture.

- You're gonna pay at this point. - Nope.

- Unbelievable. I'm telling the principal. - What?

- I'm telling on you. - What are you, a little tattletale?

- I don't care if I'm a grown man. - Tattletale Tim.

Dude, you're still tattling?

- Man, like, how old are you? - Still tattling?

I stopped for a good 15 years

and now I'm coming for a comeback.

A pool hustler? That's so awesome!

- Thank you, thank you. - Awesome?

- Yeah. - You're the principal?

- Yeah. - It's a crime.

Well, it's one of the cool crimes.

You know, like bank robbing or embezzling.

Yeah, I'm like a character Clive Owen would play or something.

- Ooh. - No, we're here to tell on him.

- I'm telling on him. - Okay okay.

- Hey! What the hell, Gabe? - Uh, no no no.

- Huh? - What's happening?

Emma said that some creepy lesbian

was yelling at you in the hall about being a pool hustler?

- Me? No, I'm not a lesbian. - It's the haircut.

- You told me that you stopped. - Don't do this now.

How are were supposed to have a future together if you can't be honest?

- Don't do this here. - It's over!

Here's your stupid underwear back.

- No. - Asshole!

- Ew. - Oh, boy.

- Uh... - Gabe?

Here's the thing... we did have a sexual relationship,

but never on school grounds.

We only had sex at Quizno's, which is where she works.

So if anything, she should lose her job and I should be fine.

Hmm. First of all, you should never give

- your underwear to a woman. - Okay.

Second of all, you should not be dating one of the students.

I think you could state that even more emphatically.

It really upsets me that you did it at Quizno's

because I have a lot of my sandwiches there.

The thought of you and one of my students making love

back behind the counter... where in Quizno's?

You're asking all the wrong questions.

Look, man, I'm not a kind of monster

that's gonna get my stuff on the meat at Quizno's.

- I eat there too. - You did not have relations on the meat?

Nowhere near the meat, no.

Well, thank you for getting me fired.

Me? I got you fired?

Yeah, you showed up, everything's gone to crap.

- Who else should I blame? - You had sex with a student at a Quizno's.

She slept with me, okay?

I just laid there with an erection.

- You know what? - What's up, girl?

- You're obviously not gonna pay... - Wait wait wait.

What if I told you I had a plan for how to get the money?