South Park

Oh, boy.

Beefcake. - I'll tell you.

That is a hoot and a holler. -

This next episode is definitely

both Trey and I's favorite episode.

It's called "Big Gay AI's Big Gay Boat Ride."

In it, Stan finds out

that his dog Sparky is a homosexual.

How did your preoccupation with homosexuality develop?

Well, we have noticed that America

definitely has a preoccupation with gayness,

but we felt there was a part of homosexuality

that has been left unexplored,

and that's animal homosexuality.

I know people are curious about the two of you too.

Are you guys, uh...

a couple, if you know what I mean?

You--you mean, are we gay?

Yeah.

Well, I am a little.

I guess we're all a little gay.

Even little Scratch here. - Yeah.

You must have gotten a lot of mail on this episode.

What kinds of stuff do you get in the mail

from fans in general?

We have great fans and great fan mail.

People write such interesting,

fascinating things to us every week.

Let me give you an example.

"Dear Trey and Matt,

I like your show."

That's from Tom in New Jersey.

Why does Kenny have to die so often and so horribly?

both: Because he's poor.

Aw.

Guys, is there stuff you put into the show

that's subliminal, kind of like a little reward

for the fans who are really paying attention?

Yes. We definitely feel we owe it to our hardcore fans

to put hidden subliminal messages in every episode.

That way, they can watch the episode over and over

and find something new every time.

For instance, in this episode,

if you look really hard,

you can find a picture of me having sex with Matt's mom.

What?

So now sit back, relax, and enjoy

"Big Gay AI's Big Gay Boat Ride."

Hey, where's the school bus?

We're gonna be late for football practice.

Hiya, Sparky. - Who's that?

That's my new dog Sparky.

He followed me to the bus stop.

Wow, cool! - Good boy, Sparky.

Who's my best buddy?

Who's your boy? Who's your buddy?

Ugh. You're making me sick, dude.

He's part Doberman and part wolf.

He's the toughest dog on the mountain.

No way. Everybody knows that Sylvester

is the toughest dog in South Park.

He's not meaner than Sparky!

Oh, yeah? Let's see.

Hey, Sylvester!

Sparky'll kick his ass!

I'll put a dollar on Sylvester.

You're on, dude.

That's it, Sparky, kick his ass!

Huh. He's doing something to his ass.

He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely

doing something to his ass.

Sparky, bad dog!

What? - Yeah, dude.

I think your dog is gay.

What do you mean?

That dog is a gay homosexual.

He's just confused.

I think the other dog's the one that's confused.

Sick! Shut up, dude.

Okay, children, I know that you're all

extremely excited and nervous and anxious

about the homecoming game against Middle Park.

Who's Middle Park? - What's homecoming?

But just remember what I taught you

that football is like making love

to a really beautiful woman.

You can't always score, but when you do,

it makes all the trying worthwhile.

Now let's start practice.

Uh, Mr. Chef, sir?

Yes, Pip, what is it?

I still don't have a helmet.

I know, Pip.

The school can't afford helmets

for everybody.

Yes, but couldn't we rotate

who doesn't have a helmet every week?

Does it always have to be me?

Yes, Pip, I'm afraid it does.

Oh. - Sorry, son.

Now get your ass in there.

Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut.

Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut,

hut, hut, hut.

Hike the damn ball!

Hey, how's practice

coming there, Chef?

Huh? Oh, fine, fine.

I don't have to remind you

just how important this game is

to us South Park alumni.

Elementary school alumni?

That's as far as most of us got.

You think we have a shot at beating the spread

against Middle Park this year?

I don't know. What--what's the spread?

Middle park by 70 points. - Hmm.

Hey, I got it! - I got it, I got it!

I don't think we have a chance.

Nonsense, not with my nephew a quarterback.

Right, Stanley?

Huh?

Attaboy! - Great pass, Stan!

Come on, Ned, we got to get our asses

to the bookie!

Okay, that was a good practice, children.

We'll see you here again tomorrow.

Hey, Stan, isn't that your dog?

Yeah, he must have followed me to football practice.

You see, he is smart.

Uh, my dog Rex follows me

to football practice all the time.

Yeah, but my dog found his own way here.

That makes him smarter than your--

Sparky, get down!

Oh, my God, what is he doing to my dog?

There he goes again.

Get down, Sparky, down!

Stan forgot to mention that his dog

is a gay homosexual.

Make him stop!

I'm sure glad my dog isn't gay!

Yeah, maybe you should name your dog Sparkette, Stan.

Gay dog.

And so you see, Simon and Simon

were not brothers in real life,

only on television.

Thank you for that presentation, Eric,

but the assignment was on Asian cultures.

You get a D-minus.

Aw, damn it!

Who should we call on next, Mr. Hat?

How about Stan, our little South Park quarterback star?

Oh, good idea.

Okay, Stanley, you're next.

Um, I'm not really prepared either.

Well, just make something up like Eric did.

Okay, um,

Asian culture has...

plagued our fragile Earth for many years.

We must end it--

Excellent. A-minus!

Hey! - Wow, cool!

Wait a minute!

Why the hell does he get

an A-minus?

Eric, Stanley just might

lead our team to victory

against the Middle Park Cowboys

for the first time in decades.

And we treat star athletes better

because they're better people.

That's not fair!

Life isn't fair, kiddo.

Get used to it.

Stupid puppet.

Don't forget your assignments tonight, children.

They're due tomorrow for everybody but Stan.

Mr. Garrison, can I ask you a question?

Of course, Stanley. What is it?

What's a homosexual?

Oh, well, Stanley,

I guess you came to the right person.

Sit down.

Stanley, gay people...

well, gay people are evil.

Evil right down to their cold, black hearts,