The Ren & Stimpy Show

Why sure, I'll take one.

4,095, 4,098, 7,000.

There you go, thanks again.

Hey, Ren !

Guess what ?

Let's see.

Am I going to have to kill you ?

Maybe.

Well, who was it ?

It was a nice man

who will change the way we live forever.

What are you talking about, you idiot ?

Wait here, I'll be right back.

What, I suppose you bought another stupid subscrip--

huh ?

Hey, Ren, look what I just bought.

Why, I oughta...

hold it.

Before you smack me, let me extol the virtues

of this wondrous time-Saving device.

Ahem...

allow me to demonstrate the full capabilities of

the one and only titan 4,000.

This baby has 600 cubic inches of raw,

dirt-destroying, carpet-Ripping horsepower.

From its turbocharged, fully blown hemi.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Stimpy, I am really going to enjoy beating you this--

coming through !

And it can suck a monkey through

30 feet of garden hose.

See, Ren.

It's the last word in domestic technology.

Must save the brain !

And it's ours for only 12,000 easy monthly payments.

Joy !

Howdy-do, neighbor !

You look like a man who could use a good can of salve !

Well, I--

what's salve, you say ?

Why, it's the wonderful goop with a jillion uses.

Where would we be today without salve ?

I--

let me ask you a question.

How do you think George Washington

fit into his party dress ?

Hmm...

salve !

Let me ask you a personal question.

How do you think Columbus discovered scurvy ?

S-s-salve ?

That's absolutely kee-Rrect !

What do you say, pal ?

How many cans can I put you down for ?

Hey, Ren, let's buy some--

how dare you take advantage of my blithering idiot !

Now take your smelly old salve and get outta here.

That's for you.

Ah !

Eee !

Ah !

Hmm...

Hmm...

Knock, knock !

Having trouble with your hair ?

Nothing a healthy dollop of salve couldn't take care of.

In fact, we can fashion a whole new hairstyle.

Get down from there !

How many times do I have to tell you ?

Stay outta my stuff !

Playing with makeup is for grownups--

not boys like you.

Maybe someday,

when you're a grown man like me.

Here, why don't you keep yourself busy

and clean up this mess.

That oughtta keep you away from any more stupid salesman.

Okay, Ren.

What's the matter, bub ? Out of soap again ?

Well, who needs it ?

Why wash away dirt the old-fashioned way,

when you can hide it the all-new salve way ?

A little dab'll do ya.

And how 'bout that lemony scent ?

I'll buy it !

Hey !

Drop that salve !

We... don't... want... no...

salve !

Salve would do wonders on these rusty pipes...

hey, Stimpy, hurry up with that jelly sandwich.

Five, four, nine, 12, one, bingo !

Hey, don't use jelly, have a salve-wich instead.

It's indigestible !

Wow !

Gimme 100 bucks worth !

All right, that's it !

What did I tell you about buying ointment from food ?

I've had it !

I'll show you what we do to parasitic salesmen

pigs like you.

I'll teach you to swindle my idiot sidekick.

Oww, oww, oww !

Well, that's that.

Well, I finally got rid of that pesky salesman.

Now to relax with a good book.

Wha ?

Psst, hey buddy.

You wouldn't be in this mess now

if you had a can of salve on hand.

I can take it no longer.

You win.

I'll buy a stinkin' can of your stupid salve.

Sorry, pal, but your stupid fat friend just

bought all my salve !

Hee !

Ren, have you seen my pants ?

Huh, what ?

I can't find my pants.

Shut up, you fool.

You're a cat, you don't have any pants.

And I'm trying to sleep, so keep quiet... stupid.

I'm naked under this towel.

What am I gonna do ?

You're going to stop this naked foolery and go outside.

Oww !

Right now !

It's too nice a day to be stupid indoors.

Hey, lady, can I borrow those pants ?

Why, certainly--

eek !

A naked cat !

Honey, make it go away !

You there.

Running around naked in front of god-fearing people.

Aren't you ashamed ?

We know how to take care of filthy little beasts like you.

Taste the wrath of my hose, you heathen cat !

I guess I showed you who wears the pants in this neighborhood.