Rick and Morty

Who's ready for Earth World?!

Moms, I-I can't find my cross-body bag!

Where's my cross-body bag?

Summer: Stop saying cross-body bag.

On you, it's a fanny pack up higher.

Rick: Space Beth, you're driving.

I'm low on wanting to drive.

Jerry: W-Would one of you mind making me a quick sandwich?

You know theme park food gives me interesting stools.

Read the room.

We're not going. Look at us.

No, you got to come.

It's an absolute train wreck --

this dude, he's never been to Earth,

But he loves it.

And he sucks at making theme parks.

Both: We said fucking no!

Alright. Fine.

But nobody wants to see a Beths adventure.

I thought cloning was supposed to make us happy.

I hate my life.

And I know you have to hate yours.

Hey! Sorry.

I started drinking in the car.

Why are we miserable? It's not Jerry.

Yeah, it could be worse.

I mean we could have married Pep Rosenfeld.

Oh, my God. I forgot about him.

Oh, he died in that thing, right?

9-11, yeah.

We can't just put it all on Dad, right?

Oh, we're done with that guy.

"I had a bad dad."

Shut up. Write a book about it.

I'm just so tired of all the shit we have to do to live.

You abandoned all your shit.

There is so much more shit in space!

When was the last time we were happy?

Truly happy?

Felt pretty good when we were kids.

Oh, my God, I wish I could be young again.

That kind of wish never goes the way you want.

That being said...

Uh, why do you have a de-aging machine?

When I'm bringing in bounties, I change 'em into kids.

This car fits 10 kids if you pack 'em right.

Sounds efficient.

Is that...worth dealing with 10 kids?

Oh no, I drug them, too.

Wait, will my clothes be super huge or -- Oh, no, no, no.

Technology this advanced is indistinguishable from magic.

Whoa! Whoa!

My face...my skin!

I can see everything!

And my mouth tastes so clean!

Whoa, my knuckles work!

No pain!

You look like shit.

Wait, no! Come back here!!

Get ready. Earth World is a mess.

No creative consistency.

Last time I was here, they had a whole ride

dedicated to Pol Pot.

There's a non-zero chance you'll lose an eye.

Oh, that wasn't the vibe I got from the waivers.

Waivers? Yeah, from the website.

Website?!

Welcome to Earth World! It's me, Dr. Dogballs!

What the hell?!

I love Earth so much I made a theme park --

just like they would on Earth!

Oh. Yeah.

Wow, I-I guess this does seem like it sucks.

Good one, Grandpa. You still like stuff ironically?

No, it used to bad bad, which was good.

There used to be a ride called "It's a Small Black Death"!

Looks like they've got just a regular GAP.

Rick, w-were you just drunk when you were here?

I'm drunk now!

Where's all the rusty nails?

Where's the Herpes Family Flume?

Light-up corn dog? Get the fuck away from me!

Can't wait to get a photo taken with...Marie Curie?

I-I think that's John Legend?

Maybe they picked John Legend

'cause his name implies he's really important.

Rick, how were you thinking we should enjoy this?

Wow, they have a hall of Presidential Pets?

Like that? Do you think I can meet Socks?

I'm not gonna shit on it too hard

'cause I know you'd punish me,

but isn't this just a mid-'90s outdoor mall?

Oh! My bad! Oh, my God!

You're a real Earth person, aren't you?

From Earth?! Uh, yeah.

I'm, like, starstruck.

A real human.

Ooh, you smell nasty.

Oh. I mean, is that -- is that good? Absolutely.

Well, it's nice to see something in this park

still grimy and real.

Then I-I'm as nasty as they come.

Can you believe my grandpa loves this place?

Lame.

Beth! Where'd you go?

Beth?

Beth, I want you to have fun,

but I need to know where you're having it.

I found a possum! Oh, my God!

Aaaah! No!

I don't wanna be old! Aaaah!

You're in so much pain, and you don't even know it!

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

I-I forgot just how insane we were as a kid.

I shouldn't have pitched this.

You have got to try it.

I'm over here!

Okay, sweetie, this is your two-minute warning.

It's almost time to switch back.

You got to find me first!

Too slow! Try again!

Alright, let's go. That's enough. I'm serious.

Alright, Beth.

Aaah!

Surprise! You done been got!

Do it.

Ugh! That bathroom was a ride, too!

I had my pants down and everything!

I really do need to go. Just go in a bush.

I swear it used to be funnier than this.

Don't turn around. I-I-I'm squatting.

Hey, you can't go...there. Like that.

You used to be able to piss wherever you wanted to.

Like on Earth.

Grandpa Rick, take the L.

Let's get Morty and go home.

Yeah, this place is fucked.

Corporate takeover. Board-approved changes.

Steve Jobs dies, and we get 10 years of the same iPhone.

Oh, no, the guy who made the park is still alive.

He is? Yeah.

Rumor is, he still lives here.

Down in the tunnels.

Hey, Sum-Sum, You like breaking rules.

Ooh, did you bring molly?

Hurry it up, Jerry!

It's your fault I have to go like this.

You destroyed my urethra

when you turned me into a trash can.

Follow me.

And of course I brought molly.

TV Announcer: Uh, if you're just joining us tonight,

we have a -- oh, my God. It exploded.

Oh, God. All those astronauts.

It's -- It's worse than any explosion before it!

This is hilarious.

Hey, yo. Check this out.

Awesome. No adult is getting inside.

Also, don't sit on that chair.

The cushion is knives.

Somebody's got to sit on it!

Gene should sit on it.

Bam! Nice!

Whoo-hoo!

Hey there, girls.

I'm guessing one of you is Beth from next door,

and one of you is her...clone?

But you're both little girls now?

Not that strange, given what I've seen.

What are you, a scientist?

Come sit in our chair.

Well, based on the design of your makeshift harpoon,

seems like you girls are on a bit of a spree.

Feel like I'm gonna be walking into some booby traps.

Let's have some cocoa instead.

"Let's have some cocoa." "I'm divorced."

Hey! That is cruel and technically untrue.

But you're in an altered headspace,

so I know you don't mean it.

Why don't you two sit tight? I'll get the Swiss Miss.

Let's go. Go where?

Go hunt him. Unless you're scaaared.

I'm not scared of anything.

Let's get in the walls.

Morty: Wow, this is a good photo of us.

Keep talking.

I can smell your rotting breakfast.

Oh, God. Your hairs are insane.

They're all over your body.

Can I touch them? Say a human phrase.

Say "grocery list" in that stinkbody accent.

You mean my voice?