Young Sheldon

Well, I am happy to report that my potato salad

is once again the hit of the potluck.

- That's great, honey. - I feel bad

for Pam Staples.

No one's touching her potato salad.

If you feel bad, then why are you smiling?

'Cause sometimes your mommy's a big ol' hypocrite.

Howdy, Coopers! How we doing today?

- Pastor Jeff. - Thank you, Pastor Jeff.

Y'all remember my wife Selena.

- Hi, Selena. - Oh, yeah.

¿Qué tal?

You're married to her?

Why, yes, I am.

You can think it... You don't need to say it.

How are you liking Medford, Selena?

¿Cómo te gusta Medford?

She likes it fine.

Oh.

She needs to use the little girls' room.

Mary, could I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

Don't worry. I'll bring her right back.

Wasn't worried, but okay.

Okay.

His Spanish is terrible.

That's not what she said at all.

Oh.

I don't know if you've heard,

but our church secretary,

Elizabeth Sohinki, is currently seeking treatment

for a little problem with... shall we say...

Under-the-counter medications.

Oh. So that rumor's true.

- Mm-hmm. - Well, she did

always seem extremely alert.

Alert, shaky, sweaty. Anyway,

we need someone to step in and fill the position.

I was wondering if you might consider it.

It's not just bookkeeping.

I'd be in charge of handling the maintenance issues... you know,

plumbing, electric, what have you.

And I'd also head the planning committee

for all the social events,

which, of course, includes the big three:

baptisms, weddings, funerals.

And here is... the cherry on top.

The sign in front of the church with all the clever sayings...

"Be an organ donor, give your heart to Jesus"?

Exactly.

Guess whose job it would be to write those.

Yours.

Already working on a couple.

Listen to this.

"The best vitamin for a Christian is B1."

What?

You know, be one.

Like be a Christian.

And also B1 the vitamin.

Well, now that you explained it, it's funny.

Yeah. Might be a thinker.

But there's a lot more where that came from.

What about the twins?

Well, I'll still get 'em off to school every day.

And when they get home,

Mom can keep an eye on 'em till I get back.

Think she'll go for it?

Are you kidding? She loves 'em like crazy.

Fat chance.

Oh, come on.

You come on. I'm in the prime of my life.

I got my water aerobics and my salsa dancing

and my bowling league.

But you love your grandchildren.

I love ice cream, too, but I don't want to eat it

from 3:00 to 6:00 five days a week.

Well, I'm very disappointed.

And I'm fine with that.

Why don't you just get a babysitter?

Kinda defeats the purpose of making extra money.

Oh, yeah, right. All right,

let's think about it.

Georgie.

Football practice.

- And I don't trust him when I'm home. - Oh.

Okay, now, what are we talking about here?

Sheldon is intelligent and responsible,

and Missy... is his sister.

I think they'll be fine home alone

all by themselves for a couple hours after school.

- You think? - I do.

As a matter of fact, I actually think it'll be great for them.

These kids today are so coddled,

I honestly think y'all are raising

a whole generation of sissies.

Is that the way you speak about your grandchildren?

Yes.

Episode Title: "Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey"

Hi.

How'd it go with your mom?

She's not interested in watching 'em.

Doesn't want to give up her afternoons.

Of course. Sorry.

You know what, it's okay.

The timing wasn't right.

Maybe when the kids are older.

Okay.

I guess I'll go get dinner started.

How about this?

Go ahead and take the job.

Yeah, if it turns out

Sheldon and Missy can't look out for themselves

for a couple hours after school,

then... well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Are you sure about this?

Yeah. Actually, probably good for 'em.

Teach 'em a little responsibility.

That's exactly what my mom said.

Really?

Well, I still like the idea.

Mmm.

Thank you, God, for this food

we're about to receive, and for the nourishment

of our bodies, and bless the hands that prepared it.

- Amen. - Amen. - Amen. - Amen. - Amen.

So, kids,

we have a little family business to discuss.

- You're pregnant? - No.

- We're getting a puppy? - No.

I'm not sure I care.

Starting next Monday, I'm gonna take

a full-time job at the church.

Well, who's going to take care of us?

Well, nothing will change in the morning... I'll make breakfast,

take you both to school. Then, after school,

you'll come home, do your homework,

watch TV, play with your toys

till I come home around 6:00.

Well, why can't Meemaw take care of us?

'Cause she's not the person you think she is.

- George... - You're really gonna leave

- these two alone? - Yes.

That's a brave choice.

Look, this job is important to your mother.

We expect you both to step up and be responsible.

I can do that.

Missy?

I'm thinking about it.

Very brave.

Okay, let's go over it one more time.

House key's under the plastic owl by the front door.

There's after-school snacks in the fridge.

One for each of you.

Emergency numbers are right there by the phone.

First aid kit is in the hall closet.

And you won't be needing it,

but under the kitchen sink is a fire extinguisher.

Ooh, that looks fun.

For fires only, and don't be starting one just to use it.

It's like she can read my mind.

Don't worry, Mom.

We'll make you proud.

I know you will, baby.

All set for your first day?

- I believe I am. - Mm.

- Mwah. - Mwah.

- Go get 'em. - Um.

Thanks for waking me up.

I woke you up 40 minutes ago.

Well, you didn't do a very good job.

Bye, y'all.

Okay, yeah. Yeah.

Okay, later.

Sorry to bother you, Peg, is Pastor Jeff available?

Jeff! You available?!

On the phone.

He's on the phone.

You know, my mother's had some luck cutting back on the smoking

by chewing that nicotine gum.

Got some right here.

So you do.

Come on in.

Go on, you heard him.

Thank you.

Hey, hey.

Hey, Mare.

Uh, you finding everything you need?

Oh, you bet.

So, I've been going over the books,

and I think we have enough money in our budget

to purchase a personal computer

to handle all the church business.

Okay.

Well, uh, why don't you leave the paperwork here,

and I'll-I'll take a look at it.

Of course.

That's for your perusal.

Everything okay?

What?

Yeah. Right as rain.