Sideways

Fuck!

- Yeah? - Miles, can you move your car, please?

- Why? - Because the roofers gotta get the truck in.

- You didn't park too good. Okay? - Yeah. All right. Hold on.

Sorry. Sorry, gentlemen.

Sorry.

Oh, fuck me!

I know I said I would be there by noon,

but there's all of this work going on at my building,

and it's just a total nightmare.

And I had a bunch of stuff I had to deal with this morning,

but I'm on my way.

I'm out the door right now.

- Hi, Simon. - Hey, Miles.

- Triple espresso, please. - For here?

No, actually. I'm running late. Make it to go.

And give me a New York Times and a spinach croissant.

Thank you.

- Well, hello! - Hello, Mrs. Erganian. How are you?

- Come on in. - Thank you very much.

- Is Jack still here? - Yes.

- Yes. This way. - Thank you.

Look what the cat dragged.

- Hi, everybody. Sorry. - Hey!

Somebody finally arrived.

You finally got here. Mr. Prompt.

- Oh, remember my kids? Alex, Helen? - Hi. How are you?

We were thinking, maybe, you went the wrong way, you went to Tijuana...

- Right. - ...and they don't let you back.

- Yes! Yes! Yes! - Daddy!

- Yes, I had to bribe them. - Hey, Miles.

Hey. How are you, Christine?

Yeah, the freeway was unbelievable. Unbelievable!

- It was bumper-to-bumper the whole way. - Sure, sure.

People getting an early start on the weekend, I guess.

Granted, I got a late start, but...

- Well, we're just glad you made it. - Yes.

Christine, why don't you ask Miles about the cake?

- Oh, good idea. Here, come with me. - What's this?

Honey, we don't really have time for that, 'cause we gotta hit the road.

Oh, come on! It's just gonna take a second!

Yeah!

Jack tells us you are publishing a book. Congratulations.

Yes, congratulations.

Yes. Well, it's not exactly finalized yet.

- So, there has been some interest, and... - Your friend is modest.

Oh, come on, Miles. Don't be so modest. Indulge them.

- Don't make me out to be a liar. - What is the subject of your book?

- Non-fiction? - No. It's a novel.

- Fiction. Yes. - Oh.

Although there is quite a bit from my own life,

so I suppose that, technically, some of it is non-fiction.

Good. I like non-fiction.

There is so much to know about this world.

I think you read something somebody just invented it, waste of time.

That's an interesting perspective.

- So, which one do you like better? - Oh, well, I like them both.

But if pressed, I would have to say that I prefer the dark.

Told you!

- Bye-bye. - Bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

Bye.

Where the fuck were you, man? Huh? I was dying in there.

We're supposed to be a hundred miles away by now.

I can't help the traffic.

Oh, come on! You're fucking hungover. You know you are.

Okay, there was a tasting last night, yes.

But I wanted to get us something nice for the ride up. Check out the box.

Why did you tell them that my novel was being published?

- 'Cause you said you had it all lined up. - No, I didn't. No. No.

What I said was that there was some interest at Conundrum.

Yeah. Conundrum.

And that one of the editors was passing it up to a senior editor.

Sounds pretty good to me. Sounds like you're in.

No. It's a long shot.

And besides, Conundrum, it's just a small specialty press.

Anyway, I'm not gonna get my hopes up.

You know? I've stopped caring.

The hell with it. I have stopped caring.

It sounds like it's gonna happen this time. I mean, I can feel it.

I think this is the one. Huh?

I'm really proud of you, man.

No, don't open that now. No, no, no.

- Why not? - It's warm.

- Jack, that is a 1992 Byron. - Right.

It's really rare. Okay?

- I've been saving it. - All right.

- Please, don't open it! - I won't open it!

Jack!

Half of it gone!

Hey, shut up. Okay?

Here's to a great week.

Come on.

Yes. Absolutely.

Despite your crass behavior,

I'm actually glad we're getting this time together.

Yeah. Me too.

I've been looking forward to this for a long time.

I was beginning to think it was never gonna happen.

Man, that's tasty!

That's 100% pinot noir. Single vineyard.

They don't even make it anymore.

- Pinot noir? - Mm-hm.

- Then how come it's white? - Oh, Jesus!

Don't ask questions like that up in wine country.

They'll think you're some kind of dumbshit, okay?

Just tell me.

Color in red wines comes from the skins.

This juice, on the other hand, is free run.

So that there's no skin contact during fermentation...

Did you read the latest draft, by the way?

- Oh, yeah, yeah. - And?

It's great. I mean...

There are so many improvements. It's much tighter.

It just seems... I don't know, more congealed or something.

Mm-hm.

What about the new ending? Did you like that?

Oh, yeah! New ending vastly superior to the old ending.

There is no new ending.

Page 750 on is exactly the same.

Well, maybe it just seemed new,

because everything leading up to it was so different?

Yeah, that must be it!

Whoa! Why are we getting off?

- I just wanna make one quick stop. - For what?

I just thought we could say a quick hello to my mother.

Your mother?!

Look, it's her birthday tomorrow, okay?

And I don't feel right driving by and not stopping in.

- Okay. - It'll take a second.

She's right off the freeway.

- Okay! I didn't know it was her birthday. - Thank you.

How old is she gonna be?

70-something.

Oh, hey! Here, hold these for just a second.

Thank you.

- Surprise! - Surprise!

- Happy birthday, Mom! - Happy birthday!

Oh, my God! Miles! And Jack!

What a surprise!

I can't remember the last time you brought me flowers!

- Happy birthday, Mom. - They're from both of us.

- A famous actor bringing me flowers... - Right!

- ...for my birthday! - Yeah!

- Don't I feel special? - And champagne!

Famous actor's getting married next week, Mom.

Oh, that's right!

Isn't that nice?

I hope that girl knows how lucky she is

marrying no less than Derek Sommersby.

Gosh, that was, like, 11 years ago, Mrs. Raymond.

Well, you were wonderful in that show!

Why that didn't make you the biggest movie star in the world is a sin!

Oh, now, Miles,

why didn't you tell me you were coming and bringing this handsome man?

Look how I'm dressed!

I've gotta run and put my face on.

- You look fabulous, Mrs. Raymond. - Oh, stop it!

Make yourselves comfortable.

- You boys hungry? - Yeah, I'm hungry.

Just a snack.

To replace them, Hitler turned to his last resort of manpower.

This is delicious, Mrs. Raymond. Absolutely delicious.

They're just leftovers.

Is this chicken?

I could have made something fancier,

if a certain someone had let me know that a certain someone

was coming for a visit and bringing a certain special friend.

It was a surprise, Mom.

And I could've already put clean sheets on the other bed and the foldout.

You are staying.

Wendy, Ron and the twins are picking us up at 11:30 to go to brunch at the Sheraton.

They do a magnificent job there.

- You talked to Wendy? - Just now.

She's thrilled! And the twins...

No, no, I bet. I bet. Yeah.

Well, you know, Jack is pretty eager to get up to...

You know.

But, yeah, absolutely. We'll see how it goes.

Well, you boys do what you want.

I just thought it would be nice for us to be together as a family on my birthday.

I'll be right back.

And what was that other one you did?

The one where you were the jogger.

Oh, that was for... Spray 'n Wash.

Spray 'n Wash! That's the one!

Gosh! I remember the girl that was in it with me. She was something.

I just remember you jogging.

So, when's the wedding?

Next Saturday, Mom. Remember? We told you.

And Miles is my best man, Mrs. Raymond. My main man.

Miles, when are you going to get married again?

I just got divorced, Phyllis.

Two years ago, buddy.

You should get back together with Victoria.

She was good for you.

She was good for you!

And so beautiful, and so intelligent.

You knew her, right?

Oh, yeah. Real well. Still do.