Must Love Dogs

Must_Love_Dogs_(2005) ,WEB_MKV_H264(WB,Eng,Arm) 1280x528

[Linda Ronstadt's "when will I be loved?" playing]

%% I've been cheated %%

%% been mistreated %%

%% when will I be loved? %%

%% I've been put down %%

%% I've been pushed round %%

%% when will I be loved? %%

%% when I find a new man %%

%% that I want for mine %%

%% it always breaks my heart in two... %%

The best place to meet a Guy is at the supermarket.

You don't need to waste a lot of time there, either.

You see a guy holding a list, you know he's married.

He's in the frozen-food section carrying a small basket,

He's single.

I like to hang out by fruits and vegetables.

There's a better Chance of getting a guy who's healthy.

Probably the best place is home depot

Or any hardware store.

You just walk up to the cutest guy...And say,

"do you know where I can get nailed?

"I mean, nails?

Pardon me, I've been drinking all afternoon."

And that way he knows,

One, that you're easy,

And two, that you like to drink.

I thought a great place to meet girls would be night school,

You know, where they teach English as a second language.

Because these girls would be from foreign lands, and,

You know, maybe still a little disoriented from the Journey.

And I would look attractive because...

I speak English very goodly.

But in the end,

It did not work out as I had hoped.

I mean, basically, I was told to "take a hike" in 14 languages.

Where do you meet people?

I don't know. They're everywhere.

Why, is there a problem?

%% when will I be loved? %%

No.

No way. I'm not going out with this guy.

Just call him.

Say, "hello!" he's in my book club.

Why is there a woman in this picture?

It's his wife.

They're separated,

But he didn't wanna photoshop her out

If you're not interested.

They are in Hawaii.

I believe it's the four seasons.

This could be you in the photograph.

Aloha.

Well, if you change your mind.

Christine: I've got a picture.

Michael: Me too. Is that why you're here?

The whole family?

Everyone has a picture for me?

This is an intervention, Sarah.

This guy's great.

A beautiful girl like you can't give up.

There's life after divorce, you know?

You were married to the same woman for 45 years, dad.

What do you know about divorce?

Michael: He's my boss. Be nice. Precious little, I admit.

Oh, the black specter of two lives torn asunder.

Not helping, dad.

I wish your sainted mother were here, God rest her soul.

She'd know what to say.

"put on another pot of tea." that's what she'd say.

The Irish answer to all problems.

Well, it worked most of the time.

Who is this? Bill Jr.: I have no idea,

But if you're interested, I'll Google him.

Is this it for food in this house, like, eight crackers?

And what are these? Are these bananas?

I think they were, at one time.

Michael: I'll take one.

I guess I forgot to shop this month.

Christine: What are you gonna do, sis?

I mean, really, it's been eight months.

Dad's giving-up idea sounds intriguing.

I could become the crazy aunt

Who moves in down in the basement.

Put a cot in for me, some herbal teas.

I'd like to get a dog, if that's okay?

Marc, don't you have a friend for Sarah?

"a friend for Sarah."

I'm now an episode of little house on the prairie.

Come on, you must know somebody.

Marc: Not really.

But if you wanna have an affair,

I do know a couple of married guys.

jeez.

We'll let that be our fallback, okay?

Okay.

Bill Jr.: An affair, that's terrific.

Carol: My husband to the rescue.

Michael: Don't-- don't cover mine.

I think affairs should go on the other side.

Yeah.

Hey, Jake.

Hey, Charlie.

Divorce is final.

You're a free man. Woo-hoo!

I don't know if "woo-hoo!" is the appropriate sentiment.

Four years, a woman I really loved,

And I got my ass kicked.

High-five.

It's not that kind of moment either.

Down low? Just 'cause I want this to stop.

You are officially, by the way,

The worst client I've ever had. Thank you.

Let Lisa have everything she wanted.

Even the judge wanted you to keep those boxing gloves.

Oh, you know, she really liked you.

Well, I liked her too, as far as judges go.

No. I mean, really.

Wow, that's a good-looking cougar.

Excellent stuff.

You think she'd like to buy a handmade, stainable teak boat?

Maybe if it came with private lessons.

Mm.

Everybody wants all that tupperware,

Those computer-designed fiberglass-composite things.

I mean, don't even look like boats.

They look like boats

When they go whizzing by your wooden guy here.

That was one race, and I've made some adjustments, Charlie.

Wood boats can win, you trust me on that.

They can't win. That's why people don't want them.

All right, they can't win, but they lose beautifully.

And the whole experience is just better.

Look at this.

With my own hands, I'm making these boats

The exact same way the Spanish and the Portuguese

Made their great ships of exploration.

There's a continuity at stake here, Charlie.

This is more than a boat.

This is a time machine.

If you paid this much attention to Lisa,

You might still be together.

This is true.

But you know what?

If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't.

Lisa taught me about sadness...

About human frailty...

And how unbearably fleeting happiness can be.

I'm gonna owe her for the rest of my life.

Oh, you'll be paying. Monthly.

Hope you don't mind I brought mother Teresa.

Jennifer needed a break.

Are you kidding? I love this girl.

Mother Teresa, do you have a friend for me?

Hey, is everything all right at home?

Yeah, Jennifer just gets tired of all the family gatherings.

Too many old stories. It makes her feel left out.

Yeah. Kevin used to say that.

I still say it.

I say it too.

It seems hard now, Sarah, I know,

But you get a Chance to make a whole new life for yourself.

Thank you, Michael,

But in the marketplace of available women--

Any guy would be lucky to get you.

You're smart, you're funny.

You're even kinda pretty

When you're not wallowing in self-pity.

Am I wallowing? Really?

You're not the wallower in the family.

Carol is the wallower.

Me? I never wallow. I suffer in silence.

That's Christine. Bill Jr.: No, she wallows.

Thank you, Michael. No, no.

Sylvia Plath.

This is why people don't have large families anymore.

Bye. Mwah.

I love you. Bill Jr.: Bye.

Marc: Bye, Bill. Love you, Carol.

Bye, Sarah. See you, dad.

Thank you...I think. Bye, dad.

Bye, Chris. Michael: Bye.

See you later, dad. Bye, daddy!

Bill: Bye.

There's someone special waiting for you, Sarah.

I know it. Someone worthy.

Kevin was not, on his best day,

Good enough for you, sweetheart.

Now you tell me.

Why not?

Charlie: You know I love you,

And I love Lisa... Mm-hmm.

...But I think you're both better off.

We sure weren't making each other happy there at the end.

Or the beginning.

Or the middle.

I mean, don't get me wrong, we all...

Wanted to sleep with Lisa, but marriage?

That's not right.