black-ish

The English language is made up of 26 letters

that form over a million words.

Some of them can be a little hard to say.

Fool me once...

Shame on...

Shame on you.

Fool me... can't get fooled again.

Some of them can be a little hard to understand.

Numbnut?

Numnah is a felt or sheepskin pad placed between...

oh, numnah.

And some of them are just ridiculous.

And even within that massive sea of words,

one word has managed to stick out as the word,

and it's a doozy.

I'm talking about the "N" word.

Some people have said it, and it made big news.

Sometimes it comes exactly from the places you'd expect.

And sometimes it doesn't.

My granddaddy, who lives on a tobacco plantation

in South Carolina, said to me the other day,

"do you know what's wrong with this country?"

"Nothing."

Phew.

Okay, next I'd like to bring out Jack Johnson,

performing a dance and a rap for us.

Okay, no.

- Told you it was a doozy. - Uh, no.

Begged him to go with the radio edit.

Begged him.

Hey, son, are you okay?

Hey, Mr. Johnson.

Our new principal apologizes for not being here.

He wanted you to know that his absence is due

to an actual emergency and has nothing to do

with hearing that dealing with you

can be somewhat traumatizing.

Why is my son being sent home?

Well, the school has a zero-tolerance policy

for any form of hate speech.

What idiot came up with that?

Zero means zero!

Zero means zero!

Zero means zero!

Mm-hmm.

How was I supposed to know

it was gonna come back to bite us in the butt?

Well, it did, Bow.

Took a big old chunk out of our ass.

Half a cheek gone.

Well, where did Jack get an idea

to say a word like that in the first place?

Wha...

Oh!

Hey!

Oh, my God.

It's my favorite song.

And we play it every day on the way to school.

Damn it! It's his birthright!

Jewish kids get to go to Israel.

Black kids get to say this.

Dre! That is ridiculous!

Nobody should say it.

It is an ugly, hateful word

with an even uglier and hate-filled history.

- Yeah, of it being said to us, not by us. - Oh, my God.

With as usual, son, you have absolutely no idea

- what you're talking about. - But...

That is not a word that black folks need to be using, ever!

No.

You see, I never used it.

What?!

You act like these lights around here

gonna pay for themselves.

Uh...

Well, I only said it to separate myself

from the rest of you people.

Mm-hmm. Unlike Earl, I really never say it.

What?!

Watch it

Saying it to your daddy's trifling behind don't count.

Oh, agreed.

All we're saying is, of course every now and then

it slips out, but it's never said casually

and never in mixed company.

Exactly.

It's only a judgment said with disdainful indictment.

Pops, you and mom's generation used the word for self-hate.

You made it negative.

My generation... we reclaimed it,

and we use it as a term of colloquialism and power.

Same way the slaves took the leftover pig guts

and found them plants growing in the woods

and turned it into chitlins and collard Greens.

That's what we did with the "N" word.

Yeah, here he come with that chitlin argument.

Can you believe this

- Hey! - Oh, hey.

Mom.

Dre, we've got a meeting set up.

We're gonna go down there,

and we are gonna straighten this whole thing out.

- Oh, yeah. - Uh-huh.

- We gonna straighten this out. - Mm-hmm.

Mom, dad, today was an exhilarating day at school.

- Oh, God. - I think I finally found my calling in life.

I'm gonna be Eco hero.

Oh!

- Oh, God, he's such a disappointment. - Dre!

I'm insisting that our family start initiating

some of the practices I've been learning at school.

- That's nice. - Mm.

Like our lawn.

We can start by shortening the sprinkler cycle.

Nope, not gonna be the only black family in the neighborhood

with a brown lawn.

Agreed. Next.

Okay.

Shorter showers.

Next.

If you wet your body, turn off the water, lather up,

then quickly rinse off,

you can cut your water usage down by a ton.

Um, I need at least a 45-minute lather

just to feel like myself, am I right?

- What?! - Yeah.

From now on, you get 10 minutes.

- 10. - You let them braids drip-dry.

Fine, maybe I'll start going down to the kennel

and let them wash my hair for me,

because I'm obviously an animal.

- What? Oh. Okay. - Oh!

Those are not weapons, young lady!

They are now!

Okay, so you're telling me

not only do your moms and pops not want you to say it,

but your girl don't want you to say it, either?

Yes. Can you believe that?

Wow.

They want you to live in a -free zone.

I'm telling you, man. My house is not a home.

- Mm-hmm. - Not if you can't say it's not.

That's what I'm saying.

They keep taking.

- I think... - Nope.

- No, no, no. - No, no. Tr-tr-tr...

- John, no. - I got this. - Trust me, trust me. Tr-.

So, as a... African-American...

- Josh. - Yes?

You do not have to say African-American.

Just say black.

Oh, good.

Oh, well, in that case, you know what word I miss?

Hmm?

- "Colored." - Oh.

Oh!

Whoo! Whoo!

Okay.

- Oh! - Oh, my God!

No, no, no!

- What's up? - No, I-I just...

Okay, uh, Mr. Stevens, that word is offensive

and reminiscent of a not so great time in American history,

so let's all just take it down a notch.

Maybe re-holster our firearms, Charles.

In that case, maybe someone should tell that to the NAACP.

- You got a point. - Oh.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

You know, that group been sending mixed messages

for a long time.

Sure.

That's all. That's all I'm saying.

Throwing it out there. That's all I meant by that.

Hey, guys, guys. I'm so confused.

Josh, all you need to know is that it's not okay

for you to say the "N" word.

- There you go. - Sure.

- "Negro's" still bad, right? - Ooh.

- Cock it. - Copy that. Copy that.

Okay, well, in that case, maybe I should put a stop payment

on the half-million-dollar check that I just wrote

to the United Negro College Fund.

Come on, Mr. Stevens, be honest.

You only wrote that check so you can say negro.

Well, I definitely don't do it so I can't say it.

Um

57, 58...

Zoey, it's been 25 minutes,

and you're still running on full throttle!

The world is like 85% water.

Calm down, dude.

It's all fun and games until we're roaming the desert

drinking our own urine like Mad Max!

Oh, brother.

Oh.

This is not a joke!

- I really don't get it. - Sorry to keep you waiting.

No worries. Not at all.

- I'm Principal Green. - Yeah.