Melissa & Joey

-- Melissa & Joey S04E05 -- -- Let's Get It Started --

- Hey, family. - Hey. Hey.

- I thought you were at Glen's house? What are you doing home?

Oh, I'm not really here.

I just, um, came to pick up my toothbrush.

- You've been gone three days and you just now realized

you didn't have your toothbrush?

- Yeah, I was using Glen's, but then it wore out.

- Look, why don't you just stay for dinner?

Joe made pot roast.

Ooh, I love your pot roast.

This is gonna be so good at 3:00 in the morning.

All right, I'll see you guys!

- Love ya! - Bye!

Whoa, hey, wait a minute, man.

- You can't take the whole thing! Yo, Ryder!

How is that love?

He took the pot roast. That was going to be my breakfast.

- Hmm, well, maybe this will tide you over.

Don't worry about it, all right?

That pot roast is not going to last forever. He'll be back.

Ooh, somebody smells good.

- Oh, yeah. That's my new shampoo. It's cruelty-free.

- You sure about that? 'Cause it's killin' me.

- Hey, there are impressionable young children here.

And horrified young adults.

- I'm sorry, I didn't realize there were so many sensitive young people

here in the kitchen.

I'll tell you what, we're gonna leave the rest of the dishes to you all,

and, um, Mel and I are gonna say good night.

- Oh, more like a great night. - Yeah.

- Don't they know married people aren't supposed to do it anymore?

I'm glad we're not married.

Ugh, I'm surrounded.

- Whoo! Yeah! All right!

Joe.

- What? Wow. Honey, no, all I'm saying is,

that if that didn't just make a baby, I don't know what will.

- What are you talking about? I'm on birth control.

You're what?

Hey, we're married now.

I mean, I just... I don't know, I assumed that you, you know...

Pulled the goalie.

Pulled the goalie? Oh!

Nope. Nope, my goalie is still in the game. Playing every period.

Swatting away your little pucks right now.

- We said, "I do." I thought "I do" meant,

I do... not use birth control anymore.

- I said I wanted to start a family soon, not now.

- Oh, I see. Soon. Not now, so...

So, soon, then. Well, what's soon?

I mean, is that like, uh...

I don't know, 10 minutes?

'Cause I could easily be ready by then.

Come on. You've seen it happen.

- Joe, look, we're newlyweds.

You know, we should spoil each other.

Take some time for ourselves and our careers.

And not worry about the pressure to have kids.

Okay. All right. Fine. Yeah, cool. No more pressure from me.

Although, we did just go into overtime.

Maybe your goalie needs a break?

Zander, what's up?

We were supposed to start working on "Cassandra" half an hour ago.

- I'm sorry. I know. I was running errands for my boss,

the esteemed Thorndyke Welles,

but, I'm here now, and I promise no more interruptions...

Oh.

Hello, Mr. Thorndyke Welles

yeah, he makes me call him that.

Uh-huh. Yes, sir.

Yeah, absolutely. I will be right there.

Well, you know,

it is kind of cool the way he relies on you for everything.

You're the go-to guy for the great artist.

Yeah, go to the dry cleaners.

Go to the supermarket. Go to the drug store

and pick up maxi pads for his menstruating collie, Freida.

It's all going to my head.

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Went and grabbed a beer with Thorndyke.

Wow, is he a yapper.

Couldn't get Thorny to shut up.

Thorny?

- Yeah. He makes me call him that.

- And you got to go out drinking with him?

I had to take his dog to the groomers to get her nails clipped.

That was my idea.

That little clickety-claking all over the studio was driving me crazy.

Oh, good.

I don't work for Thorndyke, I work for Marco.

- Technically, you work for the dog.

Well, I'm hitting the shower.

- Okay, Zander. Zander, look, I'm sorry.

This sucks, but, um...

I know what will cheer you up, though!

There's a Basquiat exhibit at the museum.

Let's go tonight.

- Yeah, you know what, I'd like that.

Oh, but it has to be after Freida's evening walk.

Thorny makes me document all of her poops.

- Wait, I thought you weren't allowed to call him that?

- I'm documenting dog poop. Please, let me have Thorny.

There's my beautiful bride.

I got you something.

Ooh, is it diamonds?

No, it is not diamonds.

That's okay.

Oh, great, you're all here.

Guess who finally figured out what he wants to do with his life?

You?

Did I tell you already?

No.

- Okay, great, because here it is.

I'm going to move to Louisiana to volunteer for AmeriCorps!

I'm gonna become a teacher's assistant.

- You know, I actually hear that's a great organization.

But, um...

Don't you need to know something before you teach it?

- Where did this sudden desire to volunteer come from?

- I've always said I wanted to help people.

When?

- You wouldn't even give me a ride to school.

- Okay, maybe I never said it out loud, but I was thinking it.

- Ooh, ooh, if you're going to Louisiana, can I have your room?

- Sure. You see, helping people.

- Thanks. - No.

No, no, nobody's getting anybody's rooms.

Ryder, listen, I know you think you have a good idea here, but you really don't.

And let me tell you why.

- I... you know, listen, Joe, I gotta go.

- No-no-no-no-no, buddy, buddy, buddy, listen.

Listen, this is only gonna take like, two minutes.

More like two hours.

I'm out of here. - Yeah, wait for me.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Oh, I hate being a grownup.

- Listen, dude, there are so many reasons why you should go to college. Okay?

To start with...

Umm, should I sit down for this?

I'm gonna.

Lennox!

It's payday, and you and I are going out.

Pick any place you want to go.

- Oh, I'm going to the museum with Zander.

- So, you have a date with your ex-boyfriend?

What? No. It's not a date.

We're just going to dinner and then to an art exhibit.

I mean, it's not like we're gonna be making out.

So, it's a bad date.

- He needs someone to cheer him up.

Okay, here's a crazy idea.

He gets his own girlfriend and stays away from mine.

Oh, is this a jealousy thing?

Oh, please.

Is Batman jealous of Charlie brown?

- Okay, Marco, you don't understand.

No, I understand a lot.

You're over him, but he is not over you.

And you're not helping him by leading him on.

Okay, but it's not a date!

- And this is not me walking out the door.

See? I can put a "not" before stuff, too.

So, to sum up...

We have, um...

Job prospects,

okay, social growth,

financial independence. All right?

But listen, the most important reason that you need to go to college,

is because we're not going to be paying for anything else unless you do.

Look, aunt Mel, Joe,

this is gonna be very, very, good for me, all right?

Glen's cousin is in the program too

and we're going to New Orleans together.

- Ryder, you left me in the car without the keys.

I can't even listen to the radio.

Did you forget about me?

No, never, Juliet.

Oh, guys, this is Juliet.

- Oh, are you, by any chance, Glen's cousin?

Uh-huh! How'd you know?

I took a shot.

- Well, um, listen, we gotta go.

Juliet has a yoga class,

and I'm gonna, um...

I'm gonna watch.

- This is not over. We're gonna talk more about this later, man.

Okay, sure thing.

Sure thing. - See you!

Don't worry.

Once this fling fizzles out, he'll be back here in no time

playing video games and eating like a bear before hibernation.

- Bears remember their toothbrush.

Hey, hey, hey!

I believe you mentioned a little gift when you walked in?

- Wait a minute, wait a minute, let me give this to you, okay?

All right. Now, about last night.

You know, I got caught up in the whole emotion of the moment.

Talking about babies and stuff,

but, I want to let you know I understand your point of view, so, I got you this.

Aww.