Industry

(OVER TV) It's just gone 6 a.m.

The public inquiry into the government's

three-month long bailout

of green energy startup Lumi

is being held today in Westminster.

Taxpayers are outraged

by the two billion-pound bailout.

It seems fingers are being pointed

at the Lumi CEO, Henry Muck,

at the government for bailing out a sinking ship,

and at investment bank Pierpoint,

for overvaluing Lumi's initial public offer.

How's Rob feeling about the select committee?

I can't believe they're sending someone so junior.

It's total dereliction of duty on Pierpoint's part.

Yes, borderline abusive at this point.

I don't know why he's doing it.

Yeah, well, it doesn't sit well with me.

I'm gonna make it right.

Oh...

Can you do something for me?

Can you be vulnerable with me if I'm vulnerable with you?

Okay.

Can you relieve yourself on me?

What?

What the fuck are you talking about?

I'm not a pervert.

It's like an intimacy thing, okay?

Yeah, I feel like we've reached the stage

where I can ask you to do this for me and not be shamed.

Okay.

I mean, I'm not sure that I can relax, but...

Just piss and think of England.

You really want me to do this?

I'm not a pervert.

I'm practical.

This is the one situation

where I get to control my helplessness.

Okay.

Thank you for trusting me.

(OVER PA) Big up!

Children's Investment Trust Charity Day.

This is your annual chance to save your souls.

Remember, donations are tax-deductible,

so it's a fucking win-win in my opinion.

- Booyakasha! - (STATIC FEEDBACK)

People respond emotionally

before they respond intellectually,

so we're gonna go with the blue.

Tory blue.

It's more of a royal blue.

It's a sympathetic color.

And we'd like you to wear these glasses.

- I don't wear glasses. - They're non-prescription.

It's very much in your interest

that you stick to this statement.

If they ask you any awkward questions,

just say, "I refer to my statement."

Are you Pierpoint's lawyer or mine?

I'm instructed by Pierpoint.

You can be rest assured

that to the extent that your interests

and Pierpoint's interests coincide,

I shall be looking after your interests today.

With respect, that's not very encouraging.

Sorry, what if I flat-out refuse to do this?

Rob, a company man would do this.

You're a company man.

It's just an information gathering exercise.

The government spent billions bailing out Lumi,

and the opposition is pointing fingers.

But that's not on you. You're not on trial here.

Any questions come up about Henry's integrity

or, indeed, Lumi's highly risky business strategy,

we don't advise that you implicate Lumi,

but your silence on these matters would be useful

in allowing people to draw their own conclusions.

Against Lumi in favor of Pierpoint.

Henry and Lumi will take any opportunity they can

to throw you under the bus.

So...

The Shadow Energy Secretary.

She's an up-and-comer.

And a fucking Rottweiler.

Means eyeballs and good political capital for her,

but she's gonna grandstand, play to the gallery.

What's the narrative gonna be?

Dearn's gonna paint this as a big bank

over-inflating a startup into a national utility,

which she believes should be publicly owned anyway,

only for the taxpayer to foot the bill when it went tits up.

Off the record,

what do Adler and the higher-ups make of all this?

They're disowning it,

pretending it's a local, UK-centric issue

that'll be swallowed by the next news cycle.

But the more we can do

to lay blame at Lumi's feet, the better.

Why didn't we send a tank in?

Why didn't you go in and rip Henry's head off?

Because after COP, I'm the very public,

internal face of Lumi's failure.

I want a new one.

And so we're not at cross purposes here,

Robert's expendable?

He's a young man early in his career.

He'll recover.

The randomizer of the universe

is laughing at us as it spits out our bingo card.

A select committee

and the Children's Investment Trust event on the same day.

I've already spoken to the photographer

about avoiding Yasmin Hanani, but can you

sensitively adios her?

I don't think that the charity want

the Charles Hanani association on their Twitter feed.

It's endearing you try so hard.

- Nice calves. Rishi in the porno.

It's for the kids.

Rishi in the punani. - (NAOMI CHUCKLES)

Rishi in the punani. Bop!

Hey, it's-a me, generic Italian plumber.

Okay. (CHUCKLES)

Rish, can I have a word, please?

Sweetpea, you do look very fetching in your outfit.

All I wanna know is,

does the carpet match the drapes?

That's pathetic.

- I'm not sure it is. - So, thanks for that.

Thanks for making such an effort.

You are welcome.

Ooh, this is nice.

What is it exactly you're doing on my desk?

I don't know.

Call your boss, he'll tell you.

Yo, what time you on the box, Bob?

You look like you're due in court

for a racially motivated murder.

I spoke to Henry, you know,

he says this has got nothing to do with you.

He wouldn't lie to me, so you're gonna be fine, okay?

Yeah.

That's the exact opposite of what Eric just told me.

Yas, can I speak to you about my rotation project?

Sorry, I, um... I have to firm up a meeting with LeviathanAlpha.

Please, um... Please.

You could just listen to me, like, for once.

I'm bringing this to you because I do not want you

to look fucking stupid as my line manager.

I'm making a call, Sweetpea.

- (SWEETPEA CLEARS THROAT) Is it 'cause I is Black?

- Um, Eric, can I talk to you? - In a little bit.

Uh, I was working late last night

on this indicator model.

Well, it's turned into more of a risk assessment now.

Sweetpea, Robert's my focus this morning, okay?

Okay, yeah. No, I get that, um...

And I'm sorry, I don't... I don't wanna be too forthright

but I actually think this is really important right now.

So I'm gonna, I'm gonna wait in a meeting room over there

until you come and talk to me.

(OVER PA) All right, in third place... - SWEETPEA: Okay?

- ...Paul and Ben, who've come as Jimmy Savile... - Okay.

- ...and his mother's corpse. - (CLEARS THROAT)

In second place, Bilal, who's come as Bobby Sands,

complete with very inventive dirty protest make-up.

But the winner this year, Leanne and Julie...

I'm gonna call you back. I'll just see you at 4:00.

- Okay. Uh, quick one.

It might be a good idea for you to take a personal day.

What do you mean? Like a day off?

Well... you want your privacy.

Yeah, when a fucking pap is camping out on my cistern,

not when I'm doing my job.

Eric, the last thing I want is for any of this shit

to affect my life in here.

Can you not throw your toys out of the pram?

Don't patronize me, okay? I'm not one of your daughters.

I'm just trying to offer you a little protection

from the glare of the spotlight in a tough time.

That's all.

I appreciate that.

But, you know, I've just gotten off a call with LeviathanAlpha,

who, let's be honest,

left us a pretty shitty quarterly review.

What a surprise.

Harper's power to give us a bad review

must really light up

the pleasure centers in her brain.

I've just set up a 4 p.m.

between Harper and Daisy, the CIT's new PM.

She's just moved over from Crux.

I have been speaking to her for weeks.

She thinks that Petra and Harper are cutting-edge.