The Once and Future Smash

Yeah, my Uncle Fred,

he was the first one to show me "End Zone 2."

He had like a really faded, faded and, oh, it was jacked up,

16mm copy.

"End Zone 2."

Wow.

What ever happened to "End Zone 2?"

To be totally honest with you,

I think the first "End Zone" movie is much, much better

than the second.

- "End Zone 2" is far superior to "End Zone 1."

- My earliest memory of "End Zone 1," and "2" funny enough,

'cause I saw them both at the same time,

was at a drive-in theater.

They played them as a double feature.

I was no older than two

when my parents had me in the back of the station wagon

for this thing.

And they had to play both movies back to back

just to fill a 90 minutes slot.

- "End Zone 2" is the slasher equivalent of "Jaws"

to shark movies or "The Exorcist" to exorcism movies.

They were the first to make it clear

that 400 pound pieces of beef crashing their heads together

on the football field might just possibly lead

to brain damage.

- Smash-Mouth is a really unique character in horror.

He's the first living zombie if you think about it.

He's kind of an un-undead.

- Everyone goes on and on about Smash-Mouth.

Well, I've always had a thing for the cheerleaders,

especially Mary.

Why do these movies always have to have

so much killing in them?

Have a story.

I don't like all the killing.

It definitely never came out on DVD.

I don't know that there was a VHS of it.

There may have been.

I didn't have it.

A buddy of mine had a bootleg of it,

but I think it was only just the first hour.

- I guess I always fell asleep about one hour into it.

Maybe five people saw it.

Take away the usher, four.

There were distributors

that wanted to distribute the film first on VHS

and then there was another one on DVD a few years ago.

But they could never locate the last 30 minutes of the film.

We couldn't find the last 30 minutes,

and therefore we had to give the rights back.

The movie just disappeared.

(rock music)

In 1955,

the George Donner High School football team lost

the big game.

They beat freshman Jimmy Smazmoth

until he was hardly recognizable.

You people broke his goddamn jaw!

Can't even eat like a regular person.

But Jimmy recovered.

Jimmy Smazmoth became Smash-Mouth and got his revenge.

Did they ever find Jimmy?

Who Smash-Mouth?

He died in the fire.

I heard they never found his body.

Now 15 years later.

(growling)

- It's really nice to be here with you, Nancy.

We missed you.

We should just have some fun.

We deserve it.

I've been coming out here for years.

I've never seen that before.

What in tarnation?

You guys remember AJ?

Him and Jimmy were always hanging out together, right?

Jimmy was like my brother.

I kept him safe.

(Nancy cries)

Smash-Mouth is back.

- Do you still have a thing for him?

Jimmy, it's me.

It's me Nancy.

- This time the cheerleaders who stopped him.

- I still remember the knife going into her.

- Will face their greatest fears.

- You will know pain and suffering and blood.

Don't close your eyes.

Don't cover your ears.

And whatever you do, don't open your mouth.

"End Zone 2," get smashed.

Yeah.

I'm waiting on this banner.

What banner?

For "End Zone 2!"

The fucking movie that you

and maybe like six other people heard of.

The great reunion that no one asked for.

I don't fucking know.

Look.

No, no, no, no, no.

Shut up.

Get us a fucking banner, don't get us a banner.

I don't give a fuck.

But you wire the fucking money right now, okay?

Sean, got a print of "End Zone 2"

from a grind house theater on 42nd Street.

And when he showed it to us several times,

it was just the first hour, and none of us could figure out

why he only had the first hour.

Before we filmed, we would watch,

daily we would watch at least the first hour

of "End Zone 2."

But that was it.

I didn't need to see anymore.

Not a lot of people saw "End Zone 2,"

but those who did, they created the slasher genre.

Basically, you know, Wes, Sean, Tobe,

you know, all of 'em are huge fans.

Well maybe, maybe not.

Maybe not Wes.

- The thing that will stand the test of time

in any horror movie is the script which the author writes.

- Me and the guys had a wild time at the drive-in.

We had a drinking game

that every time Smash-Mouth took a drink

of blended cheerleader, we'd take a shot.

Blended cheerleader, take a shot.

Whoa!

I would say the main thesis or metaphor

or however you want to like get critical

or like, you know, auteur theory about like "End Zone,"

I would say it's really about Vietnam

and the horrors of war.

Smash-Mouth is just like,

it's got a mix of Martin Sheen and Marlon Brando's character

from "Apocalypse Now"

except he's dressed as a football player.

"End Zone 2" may be the first slasher

that actually passes the Bechdel Test.

- Hey Shelly, can I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah.

- I'm happily retired, but, you know, every once in a while,

I dream of writing the remake of "End Zone."

- To have written a screenplay like "End Zone 2," oh man.

So motivating, so inspiring.

That's my white whale.

My son will come for you!

He will find you!

He will avenge me!

Hi, my name is Percy Wynne.

I play Nancy in "End Zone 2."

It's been interesting.

Go away!

You know there was a rumor that

Sally field was going to play Nancy in "End Zone 2."

I was at a birthday party

and we were watching some kind of like Sally field TV show

and by mistake, her dad put in

the last 10 minutes of "End Zone 2."

Most of the kids were traumatized, but me

I was like, I love it I couldn't stop yelling

Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown!

Yeah, it was good.

- So, I was invited back to Mad Monster Party.

Really excited about it.

To get my press pass, they want me to host a panel.

I was like, "Awesome!"

"Let's do 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2.'"

"I love 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' movies."

And they're like, "No, you're gonna do 'End Zone 2.'"

And I was like, "What is 'End Zone 2?'"

(Smash-Mouth roars)

So, I tried to find the movie.

I can't even find a copy of it to watch.

The "stars" of the movie, the one guy Mash Mouth,

he's not credited in anything but "End Zone 2"

and the other guy, I don't even know his name,

he's not credited in anything,

not even "End Zone 2,"

the movie we're supposed to talk about!

What am I even gonna ask these guys?

- We're doing a reboot sequel of the movie "End Zone 2,"

and it's gonna be called "End Zone."

It takes place one hour after "End Zone 2" starts

and ignores everything that happens

in the last part of that movie

and "End Zone 3" and "End Zone 3D."

- Actually "End Zone 3" was not part of the canon anyway.

It was just a retitled Italian movie

called "Cannibal Linebacker."

It doesn't even have Smash-Mouth in it.

"It doesn't even have Smash-Mouth in it."

Shut up, Snyflan!

Point is this movie picks up exactly

where my nephew Johnny said the last movie went wrong.

You remember, right?

Yeah.

- Smash-Mouth was originally played by Mikey Smash.