Multiple Sarcasms

Oh, wow.

I mean, that was the only time

I ever felt sure about anything.

My whole life never seems to catch up to that moment.

But to be unsure...

I don't know.

What if there's no reason in your life

to feel shitty, but you do anyway?

No enemy to point at.

Would he do that? I

I mean, I look at all the people around me and-

Gabe?

What are you doing?

You can go in there for hours, but you can't do anything else?

This is bullshit.

But my whole life never seems to catch up to that moment.

I mean, what if you have no reason to feel shitty,

but you do anyway?

Everything's your fucking enemy.

Let's back up.

How does this play start?

# When you wake up #

Hi.

# Feeling old #

# At this piano #

# Filled with souls #

# Some strange purse #

# Stuffed nervous with gold #

# Can you be where You want to be? #

# Walk down any street #

# You can find #

# Look at any clock #

# Telling time #

# Sing some strange verse #

# From some Strange song of vines #

# And you'll be Where you want to be #

# I know I can't sing ##

Hey, are you sweating in crazy places?

I'm talking to you about the deadline, because right now,

your ass should be sweating in crazy places.

Can you dig it?

H i, Rocky. Good morning, and how are you?

What did you say?

I'm saying that every little sweat gland

in your body should be on sweaty overdrive right now

because of these plans right here on your desk.

Gabriel, listen, man, you've got Masters International

showing up here any moment,

and they want to see these revisions done.

Yeah, I'm, uh...

That Lauren Terrace-you know,

the one with the, uh, tarantula in her panties for you?

Look, I-I'm almost done.

I'm really,

I'm starting to- See?

Yeah. Gabriel...

Things and...

I'm almost...

# Having rough sex #

Hello, Diamond Records.

Cari Skaught's office.

Princess Leia, please?

Princess Lela...

Chewbacca Richmond on one.

Hey, Zoom.

Hey, hey, hey. Do you think

that men are innately boring and insensitive compared to women?

Do you?

# You are my fetish, fetish #

Hey, what movie did you see?

U h, uh, Startling Over with, uh, Burt Reynolds.

U h...

Are you serious?

All right, all right, wait.

J- Just listen, listen, listen.

Here is the realization.

I think that women are naturally giving creatures,

and I think that a man's nature

is to, uh, to take advantage of that, of that kindness.

Zoom I No, wait, you got all this

from a movie about Burt Reynolds and a chimp?

Am I keeping you from something?

Actually, I do have a transvestite punk band

here in the office.

Their new album is called Rock My Labia,

and it's chock-full of this kind of insight.

Oh, no. Oh, wait a second.

U h, I got to go, legally.

U h, listen, Zoom, can I talk to you

later about this? 'Cause, uh...

Yeah, okay. J - Just one last thing.

A play. A play.

I am gonna write a play about all this stuff.

Great I write one,

and I'll definitely be there to see it. Okay.

Love you, Zoom. Got to go.

Okay, you go rock your labia,

but you brushing me off and hanging up on me,

it's gonna be in the play.

So basically you have these different women, you know,

and this man.

And, so y-you know how women, um, can kind of, uh, be

very n-naturally kind of forgiving,

and men take advantage of-of that and everything.

And men will hide themselves in women

and-and they allow it, because they're just...

Are you out of your mind?

You're asking me to represent you,

and you haven't written a word?

I have not written a word, no, but-but...

Gabriel, I love you, honestly I do.

But I represent serious playwrights, not schmucks.

It all starts with the writing.

Right, right.

But I thought if I told you the idea

and you liked the idea...

Gabriel, a writer writes.

No offense, but if you want to be a writer,

why don't you go to writing school?

Hey, I wanna be an astronaut; you wanna represent me?

I mean, come on.

You come to me with an idea.

I can't represent an idea.

And by the way, I'm not really sure

whether I understand this idea.

I know it involves a woman, th-there's a message,

there's a-a looking glass.

Write it.

What I would do...

If-

Excuse me.

Yeah?

# I have dreamt Of a place in time #

# Where nobody gets annoyed #

# But I must admit #

# I'm not there yet #

# But somethings Keeping me going #

# Maybe there's a world That I'm still to find #

# Maybe there's a world That I'm still to find #

# Open up a world And let me in #

# Then there'll be A new life to begin #

I think you should tell her,

you know, 'cause she loves you.

I couldn't. She'd be so mad.

No, no, it'll be fine.

You just say- oh.

She's your wife.

Hello, lovely.

Hello.

Listen, she's been bugging me to go, uh, home and everything.

And so I think I-

She-she might have lupus, I think.

Oh.

Yeah.

Well, too bad. Winston can take her home.

You can stay.

Fine by me. I like Winston.

M m. See?

Ugh.

Listen, I don't know.

I keep trying to keep it together, but at this point,

I think I'm doing more harm

than good by being here.

All right.

But just one minute.

I- There's this woman down there,

she's one of our biggest donors. Next to Winston.

Will you just please say hello?

Okay.

Want to come?

Nah. I'll meet you at the fountain, okay?

Okay.

Love you, Mom.

What about me?

See you later. You, too.

See you.

Okay.

Want some help?

No, thanks.

Yeah. Quarters.

There it is, there it is, there it is,

There it is.

There you go.

Thank you, thank you.

Ooh, yeah!

I thought you said

you'd meet me at the fountain?

I'm sorry I got wet.

But you were nice to him, too, you know.

Sending him into the party to get food and stuff.

That's different, you know.

I mean, you know, he was, he was hungry.

There we go!

"Milner, " Daddy?

That's right.

What's a Milner?

One who...

I don't know. It's Scrabble.

You're not supposed to know what it means.

Look, I-I let you use " Lassie. "