Divorce Club

"Our Wood Anniversary"

Ben, Vanessa, I now pronounce you man and wife.

5 years, already...

-Awesome or what? -Yeah...

With that Kool & The Gang tune!

I edited it myself.

She'll burst right into tears!

She's a huge romantic.

Why go to so much trouble?

It's our wood anniversary!

Five years is a big deal.

Just take her away for the weekend.

I'm no jerk! I already rented a boat!

I broke the bank. The bridge covered in roses!

Okay! Nice...

Paid in cash. So her boss better let her go!

He doesn't like you.

He just never remembers me.

I have to remind him every time we meet.

-No? -I swear!

No way! Speak of the devil...

Blaise, this is Thierry, a friend.

Thanks for having us. It's great!

You know Ben, my husband.

Hello. No, I don't think we've met.

Ben Catala. We've met many times.

Really? You sure?

I showed you a house 6 months ago.

We were on the same golf team.

We spent 4 hours together.

Sorry, I don't remember.

Vanessa...

We should go.

Glen, delighted to meet you.

Later!

Glen?

He does it on purpose!

"What separates winners from losers

"is perseverance," as Steve Jobs said.

Well, dear coworkers, I've persevered.

And together, we'll persevere.

Thank you very much!

Great! Congratulations, babe!

Blaise wants me to sign my contract right away.

A "superstition." I'll be 2 minutes.

Get going!

Babe! Yes!

Bravo!

Just one last detail...

Let's see to that.

Their mics are still on!

The jerks!

Blaise, stop! My husband's downstairs!

Really? He's here?

Come on... A quickie!

Look at this erection! I'm hard as a rock.

Did he say "erection"?

No, "direction."

No.

Holy moly!

I don't get that at home!

-Get over here! -Take it.

Go for it, Blaise! Show me what a man is!

Go on! Take me like a partner!

You're hung like a horse! Mount me!

Cut the sound!

You stallion! Yes!

Yes, you stallion!

My stallion!

Cut!

More!

-I don't feel well... -Help me!

He's swallowing his tongue!

Explain or it's divorce court!

Okay.

Okay, what?

Okay for the divorce.

Shall we go?

Yeah.

I'm here!

You've reached Vanessa Pignet's voicemail.

Please leave a message. Unless it's you again, Ben.

What a bitch! Sorry...

That's the worst breakup in the history of breakups!

I have an idea...

Hookers!

Oh, Titi, no...

It'll make you feel better!

I feel a lot better.

I hardly cry anymore.

When I feel it coming on, I say,"No!"

I say, "No, Christian.

"Don't cry. Be strong."

And it works.

I don't cry.

Very good, Christian.

My friends, divorce isn't just about calling the family into question,

or loss, or a sense of abandonment.

It's above all...

A personal failure.

A personal failure!

PERSONAL FAILURE

Good.

Who's next?

Ben!

No, I...

I'd rather just listen.

You have to.

Here, no one will judge you.

No.

Well...

My wife left me for her boss.

I discovered their affair...

at a reception...

where everyone heard her...

Getting laid!

Screwing her boss.

Their mics were still on.

So every sound came through the office PA system.

Everyone heard her...

Reach orgasm.

Reach orgasm.

And instead of apologizing,

she asked for a divorce.

When you're in the depths of despair

and think it couldn't be worse,

you hear a story like this.

There's always worse!

And Ben's is the worst!

Late again!

Sorry, Eric!

I'd prefer "Dr. Eric."

Or "Fred", my first name.

Or "Dr. Fred Eric."

Patrick?

I didn't know you were back!

I'd like to analyze your situation, Ben.

Benny!

Pipe down!

-It's been ages! -Since college.

Insane!

You haven't changed!

You have. You look great!

-A little less hair! -Shit!

Take it easy!

-Stop! -Let me see!

Cut it out!

What are you doing here?

Yeah, sure...

The bitch!

Sorry...

You poor guy. That's the worst breakup ever!

I know.

-What about you? -Not as funny.

Sorry!

What do you do now!

Real estate. You?

I launched a start-up, sold it. Now I'm moving on.

What luck!

We had so many laughs in that apartment!

-Salmon and steak. -Thank you.

Bon appétit, gentlemen.

Why not do it again?

Roomies? At 40? Are you serious?

Yes!

We have dough, more experience...

We're single now! Let's make the most of it!

-And your son? -Every other weekend!

I'm bored in that big house!

We'll console each other.

-Come on! -Cut it out!

I have my own place! My life!

False! You've got nothing!

Marriage was your life.

And now you'll lose all your pals.

David, I'm so late!

-What? -I'm not allowed.

-David! -I can't talk to you!

Take off!

David...

My wife said no!

-Forget me! -David, not you!

Hey, Raphael!

-What's the score? -Stay out!

-Why? -Great!

-A goal? -Bye.

To arms...

To arms...

We're the Marseillais

And we're gonna win...

You're toxic now. I can't see you.

Katy says, "No bachelors!"

I'm not divorced yet!

She says you'll drag me into clubs to pick up chicks.

I never go clubbing! You're the strip-club junkie!

With married guys. Big difference!

-Who are you talking to? -Don't call me!

Your life's shit. Don't drag me down, too!

Titi...

How's it going?