Seinfeld

Hey, have you seen these commercials

for indigestion drugs?

Pepcid AC. Tagamet HB?

Ugh. Whole country's sick to their stomachs.

You know you're supposed to take these things

before you get sick?

What is this, a bit? No.

Because I'm not in the mood.

We're just talking.

Is this not the greatest marketing ploy ever?

If you feel good, you're supposed to take one.

Yeah, I know that tone. This is a bit.

They've opened up a whole new market.

Medication for the well.

All right. Are you done with your little amusement?

Then you admit it was amusing? It was okay.

But move the "medication for the well" to the front

and hit the word "good" harder.

Great. Thanks.

So your firm designed

all the furniture in here?

Well, we manufacture it.

The original designs are by Karl Farbman.

Oh. Farbman.

Do you know Farbman?

Mm. Love Farbman.

Most people go their whole lives

without sitting in a Farbman.

Well-- If you call that living.

[THE EAGLES' "DESPERADO" PLAYING]

Wouldn't it be great if Farbman designed shoes?

Brett? Don't you think that would be great?

Brett?

After the song, babe.

Huh?

This song.

So when do I meet this jerk?

He's not a jerk, Jer.

He only works with Karl Farbman.

Who?

I don't know. Some designer.

Anyway, Brett is so generous. And sensitive.

Last night, he was moved just listening to a song.

What song? "Desperado."

"Desperado"? Uh-huh.

And you're still dating him?

I'll tell you who sounds a little desperado.

See that salesman twirling that umbrella?

Uh-huh. I invented that.

That had to be invented?

When I started out as a comedian, I sold umbrellas.

It was my idea to twirl it to attract customers.

Oh, really?

Well, why don't we ask him about it?

Elaine.

Excuse me.

Hey, how you doing?

Um, my, uh, friend here

says that he invented

that little twirl you're doing.

Elaine, please. It was a long time ago.

The man doesn't want a history lesson.

Teddy Padilac came up with this twirl.

Oh. I know Teddy Padilac.

I worked with him on 48th and Sixth.

Yeah. That's where he come up with it.

In his dreams. All right. Can we go?

By the way, you're doing it too fast.

You'll disorient the customers.

It's the twirling that dazzles the eye.

I find it disorienting.

Who buys an umbrella anyway?

You can get 'em for free in the coffee shop

in the metal cans.

Those belong to people.

Hey. Well...

this was downstairs for you.

Ka-ching.

Oh, no. Not more checks.

They're coming in faster than I can sign 'em.

What checks? Oh, you didn't hear?

Jerry's a big star in Japan.

I don't know why.

There's a one-second clip of me

in the opening credits of some Japanese comedy show.

Yeah, The Super Terrific Happy Hour.

They run it all the time.

Now I'm starting to get these royalty checks.

Look at all of those. You're rich.

No. Each one is for, like, 12 cents.

It's barely worth the pain in my hand to sign them.

Yeah. Jerry, you need any new furniture?

Why?

Elaine's new boyfriend, you know,

he's giving me this oversized chest of drawers.

It's a Farbman.

He's giving you furniture?

Who is this guy?

Ah. Who are any of her losers?

You're on that list.

Huh.

All right. I gotta go home and open up at the house

for the carpet cleaners.

You know they're doing my whole place for $25?

Oh, no, no, no.

Not the Sunshine Carpet Cleaners?

Yeah. You heard of 'em?

They're a crazy religious cult.

The carpet cleaning is just a means

for them to get into your apartment.

So? For a $25 cleaning,

I can listen to some pointless blather.

I do it. I'm not even getting the cleaning.

I signed over 100 checks this morning.

Hello. Twelve dollars.

Excuse me.

Would you please take a picture, please.

Oh, yeah. Sure. Heh. What d--

I'm gonna ask this guy something.

Hey, nice twirl you got there.

You know who invented that, don't you?

Hey, are you folks from Japan?

Yes. You recognize that mug?

That's the funny face that greets you

at the beginning of The Super Terrific Happy Hour.

Oh, Super Terrific! Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah, huh? Yeah, that's him.

What is he doing?

Well, I don't know,

but something super-terrific, I'm sure.

That's funny. Oh, yeah, very funny.

And it wouldn't be impolite to laugh at his antics.

Yeah. That's it.

Everybody laughs at Jerry here in America.

We're pretty much finished.

There's just one more thing.

Here it comes.

You forgot to sign your check.

Sorry.

You sure, uh...

there isn't anything else?

No.

So that's it?

Unless you need a receipt.

I wish that was all I needed.

Life can be so confusing.

I-I'm-- I'm searching for answers anywhere.

Good luck with that. But I--

Hey.

What's with the claw?

Super-terrific carpal tunnel syndrome.

There's no sign of Kramer.

Oh. Brett. This is Jerry.

Hi. That's very funny.

Elaine told me you're some kind of comedian.

I'm one kind.

Have you seen the chest of drawers

that Brett gave to Kramer?

The Fleckman. Farbman.

Right.

You gotta see 'em. They're beautiful.

Oh, I'm sure they are.

I'd be happy to get you some,

if that's what you're driving at.

No, I'm fine. Thank you.

Don't worry. It's no charge to you.

Looks like what you really need is a decent desk

for writing your skits.

I don't write skits.

Oh, of course you don't.

You don't have a proper workstation.

I'll fax over my catalog.

Mm. Brett, um...

...Jerry doesn't have a...

fax machine.

Oops. Oops.

Well, I'm sure things will pick up for you soon.

Thanks.

Elaine, maybe we should get going.

Oh. Jerry, you wanna join us?

Where you going? The coffee shop?

The coffee shop?

I think we can do a little better than that.

You look like you could use a solid meal

at a real restaurant.

You look like you could use a--

Jerry.

Three hundred dollars.

Hey, Mr. Oh.

How much would these run you in Tokyo?

Uh...those are 30,000 yen.

Thirty thousand?

Well, these are practically free.

Giddyup.

You're a cowboy now.

I feel terrible about your friend, Jerry.

He's upset that I gave Kramer that chest of drawers, isn't he?

Why? Why do you think he's upset?

Well, how could he not be?