Black Mirror

COCKEREL CROWS

'New from Wraith Babes, the hottest girls in nasty situations.'

I Have A Dream by Abba

'Let's play Botherguts!'

VIOLIN PLAYS

'Hey, come on!

'Three, two, one!

'Go! Whoo-hoo!

'Chuck her a bun!

'Not hungry?! That's a first, hey?!

'Come on!

'That'd hurt!

Brilliant!

Ah, fucking brilliant, that!

Um, that one does that sometimes. Hang on.

There's a little knob in here somewhere.

Almost the only real thing in there,

and even that's grown in a Petri dish.

Thank you.

VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS

SEXY MUSIC PLAYS

'Hmm. Oh, ah.

'Hmm. Licking my pussy.'

Oh, for Christ's sake!

Way to mood-kill, blubbernaut! Cheers for the reflection!

One minute I'm in slitsville, the next there's a haunted pig

gawping at me. They may as well have cut to a war crime!

Oi!

You missed a bit.

Pie ape!

You see that?

Fucking pie ape!

He'll be in lemon and all before long!

GUNSHOTS

'Selma Telse.'

'Howie Mandelbrot.'

'Toy Soldiers'

'Each headlines their own content on one of your eight daylight streams.

'But they started here, like you.

'Putting their back into giving back for a brighter now.

'Each paying their dues like you, hoping to become a hot shot.'

'That wasn't good...

'..that was beyond incredible!'

'You decide the victors, you control their fates,

'you make the call on Hot Shots.

'New from Wraith Babes, the hottest girls in the nastiest situations.

'So let's view it.'

'Resume viewing. Resume viewing.

'Resume viewing.

'Resume viewing. Resume viewing.

'Resume viewing.

'Resume viewing. Resume viewing.

'Resume viewing.'

SEXY MUSIC

'You are going to see it all.'

'Exclusively on Wraith Babes XL.

'Hey, what else were you planning to do with that hand?'

'You lick my pussy, baby.

'Oh, I turn you on!

'Oh!'

'Hi, I'm Roxy, hello.

'Hi, I'm Evie.'

COCKEREL CROWS

LIFT BINGS

Didn't let him sign in.

Told him to report to 22 down.

Told ya!

He's gone lemon, the lazy fuck!

What do you think?

It's a bit much.

Yeah.

'Best thing about my new lifestyle? Um, where do I start?

'I love choosing my own clothes and I love gold.

'I feel like it really expresses who I really am

'and I love looking over outside.

'It's so beautiful sometimes, I just wish that everyone could see it.'

Oh, nice outfit(!)

Suits you. (LAUGHS)

'Well, honesty is ruthless so I suppose it's just honesty...

'ruthless honesty.'

URINATING

Drying my hands.

Impressive.

Have fun...

I mean, on the...

'Hey, regular user!

'New from Wraith Babes, the hottest girls in the nastiest situation.

'Select view... '

Dick.

GUNFIRE

Detritus. Sorry.

AUDIO STOPS

MACHINE BEEPS

Come on!

Wait. There's a knack to it.

- You'll take your fingers off. - Trust me.

ITEM DROPS INSIDE MACHINE

Smart.

Bing Manson.

Short for Bingham.

Abi Carner.

Short for Abi Carner.

You're a new person. I've not seen you.

I just went 21 last week.

I wanted to go to Airdale My sister's there, but...

It's full, apparently.

Proper fruit. It was worth the risk.

The most natural thing in there's probably grown in a Petri dish.

Yeah.

Quite good, though.

Yeah. That's the right way round.

When you get the cheap one, you end up having to pedal it off.

Then you want more sugar. Then you're playing catch-up and I've...

I've been there. It's a vicious circle.

Can't you just use that CPT app?

What's that?

This cognitive behavioural thing.

It realigns your thinking to pick healthy food.

Whispers you into it while you sleep.

Yeah, I should try that, yeah.

I liked your singing the other day.

I was trying to sing so no-one could hear me pee.

I'm not Selma or anything.

You've got a phenomenal voice. It was the most beautiful song...

Y... You think I'm being cheesy?

All right, I am being cheesy.

But it was beautiful, so, you know...

Reality's cheesy sometimes. Not often, admittedly, but...

Now.

Yeah...

Well, thank you.

It's just noises, though.

Noises in the right order.

Don't downplay... you're good.

The song's good. It's old.

My mum used to sing it and she learnt it from her mum.

A hand-me-down.

You thought of trying out for Hot Shot?

Me?

Why not?

Singing in front of Judge Hope?

I'd die! Seriously, I'd be halfway to the afterlife come the chorus.

No, you'd walk it.

A) I wouldn't.

And B)... I don't have that clockage.

It's, what, 12 mil just to enter?

What kind of bike time is that? Six months?

- Yeah, but... - I'm hand to mouth.

I know people save and stuff to get onto that stage

and then there's what Selma did. But, you know what?

- I'd rather not give myself... - Yeah, but I'll gift it to you.

The full 12, I'll gift it.

Don't be ridiculous!

Seriously, I've got it spare.

You've got 12 mil spare?

My brother left it me.

Own a channel, does he?

No, he...

He died.

He... He died last year,

so it got transferred to me.

Just over six months' worth, but I've kept it.

Why don't you spend it on you, then?

And buy what? Some new shoes for my doppel to wear?

I don't know, upgrade your MOS...

Or get a Fat Attack season pass?

Buy one of those wall buddies.

The new ones that talk to you after shutting and solve your problems.

They guide your dreams, like gurus. It's amazing, really, what they can do.

A mirror plug-in? That shows me how I look as a werewolf? What's the point?

- I know it can be quite funny. - It's all just stuff. It's...

It's stuff, it's confetti, it's...

You've got something real.

What better to spend it on?