Father Brown

BEES BUZZ

Morning, ladies! What have you got for me today?

Oh, dear.

Oh, that's not good.

Hello? Anyone at home?

Shambu, darling, could you...?

I am busy!

Fine!

Father Brown!

What brings you to my home sweet home?

Mrs McCarthy's busy baking for the church fete

but she's run out of sugar.

May I possibly cadge some honey?

Of course! Will you come into my parlour?

Miss May!

I have a bone to pick with you.

Morning, Father. - Morning, Miss Slither.

Yet again, your wretched bees have been in my garden.

Darling, bees are attracted to fragrant, colourful places.

I don't think they'd go in your garden.

Well, they've made a nest under my eaves!

A nest? You jest.

I've seen it. I have extremely good eyesight.

Indeed, you can even see things that aren't there.

We could have a quick inspection.

Fair enough.

Shambu! Could we borrow the ladder?

Oh, Hannah, dear, could you help hold the ladder for Miss May?

Best not. I might be tempted to shake it.

Hannah!

Ah.

Well, Miss Slither, you do have visitors.

A family of house martins.

Still, you did always struggle with the birds and the bees.

It was an easy mistake to make.

SHE SNORTS

WOOD CRACKS - SHE SCREAMS

SHE THUDS

Is she here yet?

Not yet, any minute.

She's been discharged.

Well, I've managed to make the house spick and span

though I'm not at all sure what Penelope has done in the garden.

I am fagged.

Why do we have to go to all this effort?

Because Miss May is a much-loved member of the parish.

And a generous donor to St Mary's.

Oh, I see.

So she writes a cheque, and we all have to tug our forelocks.

No!

Well... yes.

But she is a very kind lady.

Look at the way she rescued that poor boy, Shambu.

Dragged him from the gutter in Calcutta.

Ahem.

Shambu.

Have you got everything you need?

I think so. But there is one thing that's worrying me.

Yes?

Well, my mother's bed is on the top floor, but she won't be able to manage the stairs.

I wonder...

Uh... - I'll help.

Always happy to muck in.

Thank you.

For your information, Shambu is not from Calcutta

he's from the province of Malpur.

Oh, I do beg your pardon.

I'm sure they have a much better class of gutter there.

Oh, darlings!

It's so good to be home!

Do you ever go back to India?

I've never been. Not since I was a baby.

That's a shame.

My Aunt Fliss says it's a magical country.

You know... we're sort of in the same boat, you and I.

Far from home.

I'm stuck in Kembleford until I'm ready to spread my wings.

I don't think my mother will ever allow me to spread my wings.

Oh.

Suppose I have to go be nice to the wretched woman.

Only because it fulfils your petit-bourgeois sense of obligation.

I don't know why your mother sent you to that university.

All you've learned is how to sneer at people.

Sorry, Auntie Eileen.

I was going to take her a cake

but I had a bit of difficulty with the ingredients

and it just doesn't look right.

I'm sure Miss May will understand. - Mm...

You put your heart into it.

Yes. It was made with love...

so I'm sure it'll taste delicious.

Now, there's sandwiches and soup in the kitchen

and should you need to get anyone's attention...

BELL RINGS - Thank you! I shall ring it constantly.

Mother!

Oh, my sweet knight.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Shall I answer the door?

Well, we could all just lie here and pretend to be dead, but go on.

BUNTY GIGGLES

Oh, Miss May! It's awful to see you in such a state.

So, I've made you a Battenberg.

You really shouldn't have.

Unfortunately, I didn't have any pink food colouring

so it's all a bit monochrome, I'm afraid.

You didn't have any yellow food colouring either.

I mean, this is a beige Battenberg.

Uh, would you put it in the kitchen

next to that delicious chocolate gateau from the WI?

It's a very nice plate.

Oh, thank you...

And you've brought Hannah! How is my favourite little palindrome?

Very well, thank you.

But I hope you're not in too much pain.

It's sad to see you looking so... helpless.

Oh no, darling.

Even when I'm in a wheelchair, I'm still in complete control

of everything about me.

My cup runneth over.

Sorry, she's just a bit overwrought with university

but if you need any errands running...

Actually, I think I may be able to help.

Bunty's promised to give me driving lessons, so I can be your chauffeur.

Absolutely not. I've told you.

You're not allowed to drive until you are 21.

But that's ridiculous! I'm twenty-- - BELL RINGS

Enough! You are far too precious.

Which is why I've invited my solicitor around to talk about your future.

Falling off a ladder makes you think about these things.

If you're expecting a visitor, perhaps we'd better leave.

Thank you. Yes, it has been a long day.

Don't forget, we're just on the end of a telephone.

Yes.

Ah, but not you, Bunty. I have a job for you.

Oh, really?

DOOR SHUTS - How would you like to commit a murder?

I want you to kill the queen bee.

Whatever for?

Well, there comes a time when the queen grows tired and old

and as she starts to fade, the whole hive falls apart.

They know the end is near.

Now, in nature, the bees do the deed themselves

but it's an agonising end.

And I prefer to do it humanely, with my finger and thumb.

Oh, gosh.

Beekeeping does seem to be a brutal sort of hobby.

Oh, no, darling!

Death is just nature's way of spring cleaning.

Now then, you and I are both queens.

Fabulous, flamboyant creatures

and those around us are only too happy to serve us.

So, will you do it, darling?

I'll try my best.

Good.

Because Shambu wouldn't dare - he's terrified of them.

Now then, you'll need the smoker.

Nothing subdues those bees like spearmint-scented smoke.

OK, bees. I mean you no harm.

Well, most of you.

SHE EXHALES Right.

HE YELLS

BEE BUZZES Ow!

So, the queen gets to live another day, does she?

I couldn't even get close to her... BUNTY WINCES

I thought you were wearing protective clothing.

I was! But it think there must have been a hole in it.

"The queen bee can lay up to 2000 eggs a clay

attended as she is by an entourage of chefs, nursemaids

and other workers."

Well, Miss May certainly has her entourage.

I don't know why she's so hard on Shambu.

It's almost as if he's her prisoner.

She worries about his future.

I suppose that's why she invited the solicitor round.

Oh, it's you.

Still carrying on with your criminal practice?

Still getting away with it.

You two deserve each other.

Darling! You look dreadful.

Oh, darling! Well, so do you.

But at least with me, it's only temporary.

SHE GIGGLES

So, what's all this about you wanting a new will?

Oh, no, not a will, a codicil.

An addendum, an amendum, a grumbling appendix.

Are you on very strong medication?

Oh, no, darling. It's this business of Shambu's legacy.

I've heard too many stories about precious jewels going walkabouts

from bank vaults, so I have hidden it somewhere in the house.

That's really not a good idea.

I could store it in my safe. - SHE SCOFFS

No, darling, I've heard too many stories about you.

No, it is safely stashed away, but just in case the angels come calling

I've written a message to Shambu that leads to it.

And I want you to add this to my bundle.

Well, this is gibberish. What is it? Dutch? Double Dutch?

Shambu should be able to work it out.

Well, this is all very...

Er, where do I put my cigarette?

Oh.