Ally McBeal

Previously on Ally McBeal.

Hi-ya!

My therapist. Go to her.

- This is not normal therapy. - You're not a normal person.

The stupid fashion people make us wear these ridiculous things.

I don't have my mental health.

I don't have my mental health.

- I'm drawn to her. - Whipper?

Ally.

- I'm drawn to her. - What?

- Oh, no. Ally, again? - Not Ally.

I am drawn to that woman.

I happen to be happy with all of my happiness ahead of me.

See, I live my life as one big Christmas Eve, and it makes me happy, happy, happy.

You're a cracker.

- Ally. - Hmm?

What makes your problems...

bigger than everybody else's?

They're mine.

Whoa!

John.

Isometrics already? It's morning.

I'm having trouble with my dismounts.

I apologize.

Wha-What?

- What? - Huh?

Oh.

Oh. I-I-I-I had a-a dream.

It-

It was-It was vivid. It-

It felt-

It felt like it was more than make-believe, Renee.

- Anything in diapers? - No.

- Bald? Little? - No. This-This seemed real.

It-It wasn't just a dream. It-

It was more.

Here we go again.

Oh, God, I hope not.

- That her? - Yeah.

To me, there's something a little extra sexy about a woman who breaks the law to have sex.

I think 'cause it makes her a sexual predator.

- Women who are predatory- - Mmm.

I'll bet she totally directs.

- You like to be directed in bed? - Please.

I had a thing for Shari Lewis growing up- that little puppeteer act.

- Let me ask you a few questions. - Yeah.

I like puppets.

Uh, y-you wanted to see me?

Uh, both of you, actually. Uh, wrongful termination. New case.

- Lawyer ditched her right before summary judgment. - Richard.

I'd do it myself, if I knew the law. Bygones.

I'm not saying it's right for a woman my age to be with-

Does it matter that I may have loved him?

Not when he's 16.

- I have no defense is what you're saying. - Well...

- did you love him? - I may have.

- I don't know. I- - Could you tell me...

exactly how you happened to- Poughkeep-Pough-Uh-

Coney Island-love him?

- Well- -John, the crime is statutory. If she did it, she did it.

- An element of the crime is intent, Ally. - And what?

We're gonna say it happened by accident? She went out for some fresh air...

stretched a little, and his penis fell in?

- Sorry. - A 39-year-old woman with a 16-year-old boy-

one could suggest she'd have to be crazy.

Wouldn't she?

- Insanity? - We did assert it. So-

- It's sexual battery. I'll give you that. - Misdemeanor.

- Not a chance. - Can you stop walking? You're doing this on purpose...

because you know I'm wearing new shoes, and you think I'll just plead guilty to avoid a blister.

Felony battery. That's as good as it gets.

- Ms. Raddick, you wanted to talk to me? - Yes. Let's go find a room.

- This is the defendant's lawyer, Ally McBeal. Jason Tresham. - Hello.

- Ally. - Huh?

Oh, oh, oh. Ni-Nice to meet you.

- She knows I don't want to do this, right? - Excuse me?

- Laura. They subpoenaed me. - Oh. Oh. She-She knows.

Come on.

Yeah. I'm on my way down.

Yeah. I'm on my way down.

- Well, we can't settle. We go to trial. - Mmm. Good luck.

Is everything okay with you?

Me? Fine. Why?

You seem a little lugubrious.

Really? I, uh-

What?

I make a great living. Good friends. My own firm by the age of 30.

But... life.

I want more, John.

More?

Mmm... money.

- More money. - Ah.

I know it's a weakness, and I've actually been trying to think less about wealth...

and instead focus on the things I can buy with it.

- But still- - Everybody wants more money, Richard.

Does everybody-

Sometimes when I look at my stock portfolio, I-I get aroused.

Does everybody do that?

The percentage would be less there. Yeah.

Ah.

Ever heard of Nelle Porter?

- Subzero Nelle? - Yeah.

She's looking to leave Goodman Dale. She's got serious portables.

- Will she meet? - I'm told she's asked about us.

She would let me use her sailboat...

and one time she decided to go with me.

We kind of got to know each other then. I-

I guess we became friends.

At some point you became more than just friends, right?

- Yes. - You became lovers?

- Yes. - I know these questions are embarrassing, but...

before Ms.Jewell, were you a virgin?

Yes.

And do you remember how long the affair with her lasted?

I think about two weeks.

- And how old were you while this was going on? - Sixteen.

Sixteen.

Jason, when you first met Ms.Jewell...

you said that you were a waiter where she frequently had lunch.

- That's right. - Other than taking food orders or...

talking about the weather, maybe even the Red Sox...

do you remember the first conversation you had with her that was at all more personal?

Yes.

I asked her why she always seemed so sad.

- How did she respond? - She just smiled a little.

Said she was fine.

- Did you know she had recently split up with her husband? - Not at the time.

And-And did you interpret the sadness as- as, uh, loneliness?

Well, um...

no.

Actually, it seemed a little worse.

What could be worse than being alone?

- I mean, how-how did it seem worse? - I saw lots of lonely people.

You know, summer restaurant by the Cape. The place would be full of' em.

They always... have a look.

Wh-What-What kind of look?

A look that it could change any second.

Maybe with the next person who enters the room.

Lonely people-

they have hope.

She didn't seem to. She was just... sad.

You know, like she knew too much.

Knew too much?

What did she know?

That some people find love permanent...

and some are just meant to be alone.

She knew what she was.

Ms. McBeal?

- Ms. McBeal? - Huh?

Oh. Um-Oh. Nothing further.

Nothing further.

It's as if he was talking about me.

Ally, with you, everything is about you. But that's okay. Narcissism is a wonderful thing.

- It is? - Yeah. For me. Nuts like you heat my pool.

Tracy, this boy-he could be 15 as well as 18.

And I- And I looked at him up on the stand, and I had...

unpure... thoughts.

- Unpure thoughts? - Unpure sexual thoughts.

Oh.

As opposed to philosophical impurities. Gee. Thanks for clearing that up.

Honey, do you think I'm a Menudo groupie because I like their music?

It's not against nature to-to-

If it were against nature, then they wouldn't have to pass the laws, would they?

Half the men in this world, when making love to their wives, are thinking about the babysitter.

The guy who's shtupping the sitter while thinking about his wife-

he's got the nature problems.

- I'm not finding this helpful. - Look.

The most "in love" time of your life was probably around the age of, um...

18 with-What's his name?

- Billy. - Whatever. This boy...

could be triggering old feelings.

Or, uh, how were his glutes?

Did he have really amazing glutes? Because that can do it.

I shouldn't be looking at an 18-year-old kid.

Ally, I don't want to tell you how to spend your money, but for a woman to...

think about an 18-year-old boy once in a while- this is not something to get therapy for.

Maybe it is Billy.

You found the love of your life as a teenager.

You've been waiting for another love like that to come along.

You're now thinking that it might not.

You'll never know love again. That's what's eating you.

Don't beat yourself up for thinking these things.

You could be 100% right.

Thank you, Tracy.