Baskets

You need to go bail him out.

I'm giving you six months probation.

She would go home, Chip? Yeah, Mama.

So I was wondering if you'd like to go see a movie with me tonight.

Dale, I'm sorry, but I don't think I can go out with you again.

Are you okay?

You don't know when a man's making a pass at you?

You're drunk. I regret everything I've done, okay?

Go home and go to sleep, Dale.

Trisha, I'm going to take the rest of the day off.

Okay.

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

The horses are coming

They have selfie sticks?

The thing you showcase your life with?

Run fast for your mother

Run fast for your father

Run for your children

And for your sisters and your brothers

Leave all your love and your longing behind you

You can't carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

Can't you hear the horses

Caught me in the middle of my workout.

Scared me to death, Mom.

Hey, Chip.

How you doin', Dale?

Where are my kittens?

They love the sound of that can opening.

Oh! Right on cue!

Ronald Reagan! Will Ferrell!

You so hungry.

Yeah, so I just, you know,

decided I'd do a life change.

That's good. Trying to make a better me.

You know, for Dale and for the United States.

Mmm. So... As Florence Machine says,

"The dog days are over."

The dog days of summer are over.

No, the dog days are over, Mom.

Are they? Yep.

I like it. What does that even mean?

You wouldn't get it. It's not for people like you.

It's political music.

Well, I'm just happy to have my boys home.

I'm gonna plan us a family dinner.

Let's see what we have.

Ah! I'm gonna have to make a run to Costco!

Who's with me? That's a pass on this end.

Oh! Chip?

No, thanks. All right.

Well, be good. Okay, Mama.

So, did you find Islam in the clink?

I'm just gonna go upstairs and take a shower, okay?

You're free to do whatever you want, Malcolm X.

Hi, Joe.

Oh!

Oh, what do we have here?

We're doing pizza kits today.

Pizza kits?

All the ingredients in one. You're kidding.

This is it. It's organic.

It's a great activity for kids.

Oh, I've got two boys at home who'll go wild for this.

How old? Oh, who knows.

Boys eat a lot. You know that. Yeah.

That way, you know, you got one for each boy.

Two? All right. At least.

And if you wanna just be safe, I'd take three, you know.

Why not? You have them for another day.

It's a very special night. Oh, really?

Mm-hmm. That's wonderful.

It's a family night. Family nights are special.

Let me take one more. You should, one for the road.

Okay. Thank you. You enjoy your night.

Organic, huh? It's good for you.

I love that!

...are done

Can't you hear the horses

'Cause here they come

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

Dale, can you please turn that down!

I'm trying to sleep!

Oh, does baby need his nap?

Dale... If baby needs his nap,

then baby just needs to say so.

Baby needs his nap. Ha! You're a baby!

That's disgusting! Fine, I'll turn it down.

Good.

God Almighty! Do you know how many Goji berries were in there?

You owe me 23 dollars. Don't throw another one.

What's that? How dare you!

That drink was gonna turn my life around!

Dale, don't panic. You're gonna shit your pants

just like you did at the Nazarella's birthday party

at the beginning of the birthday song.

That was two years ago, and it was a nervous stomach!

Wish I never had a twin brother.

Yeah.

Hey!

Dale! Dale, Dale, no.

Little flossin', huh?

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

That's for the underwear.

Chip! Chip!

You smashed my phone and you just go disappear again.

Making everybody feel sorry for the poor criminal.

Meanwhile no one gives two shits about the good guy! Frickin' me!

Chippie.

Chip. Two can play at this game.

You wanna wait it out. I'm fine with that.

I'm just gonna be out here.

"Ice Age"? Is that a Pixar movie?

Oh, it's an animated movie. Oh.

What's a good movie nowadays?

Uh, "Star Wars." Oh, "Star Wars."

I think they've seen that. We're having a family night tonight.

Oh. Oh. Looking for something to do.

Board games are great for family night.

Hmm, that's a great idea. Yeah.

You got, like, so many choices.

There's, like, Risk,

if you want to go on a grand adventure or something.

The Game of Life, I'm already playing that.

Yeah. Ain't that the truth.

Connect Four? There you go. Yeah.

That's interesting. Oh, is that checkers?

It's kind of like checkers but standing up.

Oh, I don't want that. Yeah, it's stupid.

What do your kids like?

Well, one's competitive, and one's very creative.

Twins. Go figure.

Oh. They sound really smart.

Um, how about Cranium?

I'll take it. Just throw it in there.

All right. Thank you.

You're welcome. Have a fun game night.

"Cranium" it is. We will.

All right, excellent. Thank you.

Take care.

Here's your dumb monocycle.

There we go.

Plus I rubbed my feet on everything that you own,

so everything that you own smells like feet.

I also farted on your socks. Did you?

I farted on your dirty socks,

so your dirty socks smell like dirty socks and farts.

Dale, good for you.

Anyway, I'm gonna take a nap.

La-di-da! Look at me! I'm Chip Baskets!

I'm a French trained clown.

I like to stick french fries up my ass.

I'm not appreciative of my twin brother,

because I'm too selfish!

Hey! Don't hurt me!

Chip, you're a piece of shit.

Get over, you fat pig!

Hi, Mr. Adams.

Everything okay?

Everything's fine, Mr. Adams.

Okay, your mom home? No, she's out!

Okay, well, tell her I noticed

her sprinklers were going off in the middle of the day,

and we're in a drought. Thank you.

We don't need a lecture right now during a family emergency.

You don't have to apologize to me,

apologize to the state of California.

Okay! Go back into your stupid video games

and your child porn.

Your butt is mine!

Your ass is grass, son!

It says declined.

Declined?

Let me try it again.

"Declined."

Still says declined.

Well, that can't be right.

Let me call the bank.

So your billing indicates

you did some recent out of the ordinary travel,

so your account was flagged.

Uh, yes, I went to Camarillo. It was, uh, lovely.

Apparently there was a $10,000 hold for,

it says here, bail at a prison?

Yes, yes, yes.

Okay. Good to know that was you.

We'll notify you shortly when your card is up and running.

Sorry for the inconvenience. Thank you.

We cherish our customer service, so if you wouldn't mind...

Hi, Martha. Oh, hi, Mrs. Baskets.