The Mick

Move it idiots!

All right, everybody out.

Go learn a bunch of stuff you'll never use.

"Bye, Aunt Mickey. Thank you.

I recognize I'm not your kid. It totally blows

to wake up at 7:00 a.m." That's okay, Sabrina.

Thanks for saying thanks. Bye.

Yeah, don't forget...

Ben and I need a ride to the dentist tomorrow after school.

Sounds like a Jimmy job.

What?! Why?

'Cause I don't want to do it. No.

I mean, why do they have to go to the dentist at all?

We're getting our teeth cleaned.

Yeah, well, don't you have a toothbrush?

God, your generation's gone soft.

Dentists aren't our generation.

Well, they're not my generation, okay?

I've never even been to one, and I'm doing just fine.

You've had that tooth rotting out of your face

for at least five years.

And do you hear me complaining about it?

No, because I chew on the other side,

and I avoid hot and colds. My body is my dentist.

When that bad tooth is ready to come out,

it will expel it naturally.

Oh, boy. Nope, school po-po coming.

Come on, everybody out. Go, go, go, go, go. Quick, quick, quick.

Come on. Out. No. Okay. Go, go, go. Miss Molng, may I have a word, please?

You know what? If this is about the car, it's cool...

It isn't I mean, don't do it again, but I actually wanted

to talk to you about an ongoing bullying situation

involving one of your kids.

Well, yeah, you know, that's just sort of bound to happen.

Chip's a walking target, isn't he? I got to be honest.

If it were appropriate for me to beat the hell out him,

I'd... I would do it on a daily basis.

This isn't about Chip. This is about Sabrina.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's tough. She's the worst.

I've been on the receiving end of that for months now.

She tears me down, I build myself back up.

She tears me down, I build myself back up again.

I got to be honest.

I'm running out of building supplies.

Well, I'm sorry you're doing so much building,

but it's actually Sabrina who's being bullied.

Oh. Come again?

It seems that she has been excommunicated from her

friend group, and since

she is quite possibly our most popular student,

it's had a ripple effect on our entire ecosystem.

All right, are we talking about the same Sabrina?

Dark hair? Pretty in

a terrifying kind of way? I've spoken to her.

She won't open up. You're her aunt.

Perhaps you can get through to her.

Yeah. Yeah, probably. Yeah, I'll get right on it.

Thanks for the heads up.

She's getting bullied!

It's so good.

Well, you know, karma is a fair, but merciless bitch.

Oh, yeah.

Normally, I would never, never wish harm on anyone,

but the thought of Sabrina eating lunch by herself,

oh, is so nice.

So good.

I mean, this might be the best thing

that's ever happened to her. Oh, yeah.

I mean, knock her down a peg. Yeah, she made her mean bed,

and now she can sleep in those scratchy sheets.

Sleep in scratchy sheets, you bitch, right?

Oh, yeah.

Good night.

Sweet dreams. Good luck.

Oh! Oh! Tough day at the office?

What the hell did you just say to me?

Just a... you know, just a quick

dig on your way by. Oh, yeah?

You think that's funny? Maybe you should look

in the mirror, you bug-eyed bitch.

Okay, you know, maybe

we just take a deep breath. Oh, yeah?

You got something to say, too, Alba?

No. You are right,

no matter what you say about anything.

That's what I thought, chismosa.

Wh...

I don't know what that word meant...

Mm....but I conclude it was nasty.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah?

What the hell was that about?

I don't know.

I thought bullying would soften her, but...

that was really scary.

Yeah, we do this all the time,

but usually there's some art to it, you know what I mean?

There's nothing clever about that.

That really hurt my feelings.

Is this what bullying is gonna do to her?

Okay, this is not nearly as fun

as I thought it was gonna be. No.

All right, I'll go talk to her. Yeah.

Be brave.

Is it safe to come in?

What do you want?

Look, your principal let me know that you were getting bullied,

and I just wanted to say that we've all been there,

including me, if you can believe it.

Oh, I can believe it.

Okay. Great.

Then maybe I can be of some help.

What are we working with here?

Wedgies? Swirlies? Sack taps?

It's nothing, it's just some stupid cyberbullying.

What the hell is cyberbullying?

Bullying, but on the Internet.

You're letting a bunch of nerds pick on you

with their computers? They're not nerds.

Well, they're nerds if they're on the Internet.

It's my friend, Zoe.

Used to be my friend, whatever.

Why don't you just systematically destroy her?

Isn't that what you do?

I can't. Why?

I just can't, okay?!

O-Okay.

It just doesn't seem like you, that's all.

I'm sorry, don't you have something better

to be worrying about, like the fact that

you're really bad at makeup,

even though you've had 70 years of practice?

Okeydoke, I can see where this is headed,

so I'm just gonna hit the road.

Mm.

How did it go?

Well, she ripped me open,

stuffed me full of devastation, and then sewed me back up again.

Oh. Let me ask you something.

Do I look 70?

What?

You know what, forget it. For some reason,

she's not fighting back, you know?

And now, that's leaking into our ecosystem.

No, no, no, no.

I cannot handle a meaner Sabrina.

Well, then we are going to have to restore order for her.

Mm.

Is that your face or did scientists figure out a way

to grow a ponytail on a meatball?

That's nice.

Yeah. Mm, I got one, I got one.

You got one? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

You are like a can of tuna fish... Uh-huh.

...that has far exceeded... Uh-huh.

...its expiration date.

I don't get that. No, it's good, good.

Yeah, she smells. Okay.

What are you doing on my laptop?

Oh, man,

we are feeding these cyberbully dicks

with both barrels.

What? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Let me see.

You're on my account.

Of course I'm on your account.

How else would I be you?

Oh, my God.

Oh, this is bad. Oh, no,

she had some real stinkers.

Are you looking at the tuna fish one?

Come on. 'Cause scroll up, mine are funny.

You don't get it!

Zoe stole my journal from my locker.

Hold on a second, you-you keep a diary?

It's not a diary, it's a journal.

Oh. Okay?

And because of you, she just blasted it

all over the Internet! Hold on.

Calm down. Okay?

Calm down. Let's see.

Is this you?

"Abandoned, deserted, rejected.

I set out on my boat,

riding a sea of my parents' mistakes."

Ah. "Who will love me?

"These sails will not.

The sea cannot. The sky?"

"The sky can only watch." Okay.

It was stream of consciousness!

No, yeah, no, it reads as stream of consciousness.

I think it's... It's all class.

What do you think? No, I... it's nice.

You-you are a writer, that is for sure.

Shut up, both of you!

Give me this! Oh.

You ruined my life!

God, did you know she was such an ugly crier?

I'm not crying!

Yeah.

Okay.