Nip/Tuck - Fifth Season

Previously on Nip/Tuck...

I'm afraid I've never done this before.

Paid for someone.

You're one hot mama.

I'm surprised you two never went for it.

I sort of assumed that you were straight.

I know about your little tryst with Julia, Dr. Troy.

You don't want to play this game with me.

You're going to get yourself hurt.

I'm Mrs. Feeney.

I'm from the Shelter drug rehabilitation center.

Rehab?

You need professional help.

There's been a bed reserved for you. You'll be there for six weeks.

When I come back,

Sean is going to know everything.

Why aren't you in your scrubs?

It's just another tit job.

Sorry. I forgot I had my bleaching tray in.

What I try to say is that it's just another tit job.

You can handle it.

I got Sally Hershberger at 10.

I got a manucure at 11.

And, I got a facial at noon.

Camera is a cruel mistress, my friend.

I can't have a hair, cuticle, or pore out of place.

I told you. I'm not doing a reality show.

Fiona worked very hard for this.

Because you pushed her, relentlessly.

Come on, Christian.

We already have enough exposure through Hearts'n Scalpels.

Hearts'n Scalpels...

Dramas are going by the way of sitcom, my friend.

Into the shit of "reality is the future".

In fact, reality is the present.

All right. No overpriced writers.

No actor to suck up, too.

It's exploitation and I won't be involved in it.

The all point of those shows is to make fools out of people.

Those people are foolish, all right?

We're different. We're doctors.

And we have the opportunity to show people

how we operate.

You mean it's your chance to be in the spotlight.

Yes Sean, this is important to me, OK ?

I'm star and I'm tired of feeling like a supporting player.

All right?

Look.

We'll make it interesting. We'll... we'll make it classy.

It'll have to be much PBS than VH1.

All right. Go ahead. Do the show.

Just without me.

I can't.

Look, they're not gonna green light the show without you in it.

They think you're some kind of draw or something.

Sean...

Please?

Look, just do it for me.

Synchro: YST, Loky & Metalmarco

Season 5 Episode 06 Damien Sands

Hi. I'm Dr. Christian Troy.

I'm a board-certified plastic surgeon,

and this show is about me and my partner

and the fascinating world in which we live and work.

While there are a number of programs focusing on plastic surgery

Hearts 'n Scalpels, for example,

on which I play Dr. Peter casey...

Arterial hemorrhage, doctor! He's going into shock!

None analyze the whys and hows of the process

as much as look for the faux drama in the situation.

We're doing this pilot to revel the truth about plastic surgery.

Sean I have been together 20 years. I'd say we've seen

up to 40,000 undressed women.

You could double that number if you're talking about my personal life.

Every single one of them is special.

Every single one of them is different.

I think you could go up to a double-D.

I like that.

I see "D."

Maybe even a double-D would be fine.

Double-D sounds delicious.

I think you should go down to a double-D, sweetheart.

Can I go bigger?

I mean, I've always loved the letter "H."

I even named my cat Heathcliff.

We'll focus on the health benefits of plastic surgery,

which quite frankly all too often are buried under media slander

that claims our industry is unnecessary

and caters only to the wealthy and vain.

Yeah.

I think everything's gonna change for me now. Don't you, Dr. Mcnamara?

Ladies will be lin' up to meet this stud.

We'll examine our patients' psyches and their bodies,

ask them why they would undergo a painful procedure

just to have their appearances altered.

I think the audience will find their reasons very sympathetic.

The difference between this reality show and others,

simple.

The others don't have me and Sean,

and in the end, that's what this show is all about,

us.

And we're fantastic.

Don't want no saggy bottom, don't want no droopy eyes.

I'm like a piece of candy, go up one more cup size,

everybody wants to look like me, plastic fantastic.

The most important thing we do every day is floss.

Just kidding.

It's actually the first time we meet a consult.

We, uh-- we say, "tell me what you don't like about yourself."

it's a-- it's a line I came up with. It's kind of our signature line.

Actually, I came up with it in med school.

No, you didn't. You, uh-- I-- I came up with it,

Grubman's first consult.

I knew that she was a well of self-hatred and, uh, she'd--

- she'd be on the table for years. - It was in Weintraub's seminar.

You weren't even there that day. You stayed in bed with a belly dancer.

Tell me what you don't like about yourself?

Mr. Sands?

I don't like that the world we live in rewards youth over experience.

You see, that's what's so great about plastic surgery.

We have ability to give people with experience

back their youth.

I'll never be 20 again.

I know that. Frankly, I wouldn't want it.

20-years-olds have their heads up their asses,

and they stick their dicks in any moist hole they can find.

Even at 40, 45,

you think you know yourself and what you're good at, but

you really don't, do you?

These types of patients are quite common.

They're really just looking for someone to talk to,

and sometimes the best that we can do

is listen

and advise them not to go under the knife at all.

But you are here to talk about getting cosmetic surgery, aren't you?

Yes, of course.

I would like a neck tightening and an eye-lift.

May I ask, Mr. Sands,

what type of business you're in?

I see you left it blank in your questionnaire.

Oh, I'd rather not divulge that information.

Knowing your profession can be quite helpful

in planning your recovery schedule.

Blurred vision, for example, is a common side effect after a blepharoplasty.

- An airline pilot or a truck driver-- - That's not a concern.

Most of my work is-- uh, it's

done in the dark.

So you're a vampire.

No, Sir.

More like a Marquis de sade, a Casanova, a libertine.

Naturally I was shocked when my partner informed me he believed

our consult was a male escort.

I don't like to judge, but really,

of all the people out there we should be helping,

I'd have to say that a male prostitute is

pretty far down the list.

Most of the time, I would have to agree with Dr. Troy,

but there was something about this patient

that makes him quite a unique case,

something I don't believe has ever been on television before.

I don't want any drugs in my system during the operation.

I've been clean for 20 years, and I'd-- I'd like to keep it that way.

We practice western medicine, Mr. Sands.

Pharmacology is necessary in anesthesia.

Well, it's not a problem for me, Sean.

If he wants to feel the pain, I say we go for it.

I assume you're looking for a more holistic, alternative approach.

Acupuncture.

I love all this California, new age crap.

It's hilarious to me to think that you can stick a needle in your head

and that your whole body's gonna go numb. You know? It's--

it's just a lawsuit waiting to happen.

If he signs a release

and our staff anesthesiologist stands by ready to jump in,

I think it's a totally viable request.

I mean, more and more people have been turning to eastern medicine

to treat a number of ailments, and we do know an acupuncturist

who studied in china.

When Sean first asked me to treat one of his patients,

I must admit I was quite surprised.

I have my degree at the Nanjing university

of traditional chinese medicine, but

I've only assisted on acupuncture anesthesia a few times.

What? Sean didn't tell you she's his ex-wife's girlfriend?

I'm not sure why my opinion matters, but,

well, I mean, no. Of-- of course I-- I completely trust

Sean and Olivia, you know?

I-- I feel that this patient's in very good hands.

Uh, I-- I think I should go and check on him.

I'm gonna check on him now. OK.

She's still a little shy about P.D.A.

I'm not gonna talk about my ex-wife and her personal life.

If you have any questions about medicine

or surgical procedure, I'm all ears.

Preparation is key before surgery,

so we're doing a dry run of the acupuncture anesthesia.

Dr. Troy has volunteered to be our guinea pig.

There are approximately 20 points

that can trigger analgesia in a patient.

After examing Dr. Troy, I've isolated 3,