Sólo con tu pareja

Mike likes all the girls

(the fat ones, the lean ones,

All except the green ones

- Do I have what? - Condoms.

- Condoms? - Yes.

- You're not on the pill? - Yes, but it's not that.

- There's some in my purse. - Some what?

Con...

Condoms...

Luis, breakfast's ready!

Jesus!

There should be a law against idiots.

She dried her dog off in a microwave! Come on!

- Did it work? - It got cooked to a crisp.

What was that gringa thinking of?

- What breed? - It just says she was American.

I mean the dog.

A French poodle. You know, the tiny ones.

- See you later, Paulina. - Paola.

- Want to go jogging sometime? - Sure, anytime.

Paola...

The slogan?

Still?

It's absolutely crucial.

The entire account depends on it.

I know, Gloria. I'm working on it.

Anyway, the commercial is better without it.

I want good copy and a good slogan.

Use your talent.

Use your imagination. Use your brains.

Use the computer I gave you.

Just don't use up any more time!

-It's just - -Just nothing!

See you first thing Monday at the office, okay?

I'll bring a slogan, I promise.

You better!

Listen...

save me some kisses for Monday, okay?

Sure.

Ciao!

Fucking hell!

Go!

"Gómez Home-Style Jalapeños: The envy of Moctezuma.

Our national pride.

Exclusively from Hamsun-Rasmussen."

No, that's crap.

It stinks.

It's gotta be more... I don't know.

"Gómez Home-Style Jalapeños: The taste of Moctezuma."

No, that's not it either.

"Gómez Home-Style Jalapeños: They're mouth-watering!"

Not even close.

"The spice of life"?

No, I don't think so.

"Gómez Home-Style Jalapeños: For a real socko taco."

Even worse. That's really shit.

Fuck almighty!

And my fever's gone up!

- Hello? - Tomás? You working?

Trying to, but I've got a fever. What should I take?

Two aspirin.

Better still, change your light bulb to 10 watts.

Are you my physician or my electrician?

- Both. De auditu. - What?

By hearing only.

Invite him.

- He can't. He's sick. - Invite him anyway.

What's a wedding without the cake?

A wedding? Who's getting married?

Bubbles.

Bubbles-Soda?

Yeah. Does she owe you something?

- Sort of. When are you leaving? - In 10 minutes. But your fever...

Wait for me. Two aspirins and I'll be ready.

Bubbles, man?

Bubbles.

Cheers!

The satisfied cat doesn't worry about the mouse, does he?

- What? - Nothing.

They make a lovely couple, don't they?

An old fling with Bubbles is one thing, but on her wedding day!

You went too far, Tomás.

Poor groom. The groom, for God's sake!

Bubbles says, "Darling, you've been cuckolded."

And he says, "Honey, how do you know?"

Clean up your act, Tomás.

You've been doing the same old thing for years.

- I swear I'm not what you think I am. - Now you feel guilty.

He who lives by the sword dies by the sword.

You haven't got a chance.

Want some coffee?

No, thanks. I've got lots of work to do.

- Have you met Clarisa? - From the penthouse?

No, Clarisa who just moved in next door.

- In between us? - Yes.

- No, I haven't seen her. - Just as well.

Why?

Who do they think I am?

Mateo? It's Tomás.

- I'm still sick. I've got a fever. - Did you change the lightbulb?

Come on. This is serious. I can't work.

What are your symptoms?

Symptoms? I don't know.

I feel lousy all over.

Take two aspirin and come to my office tomorrow.

Your office?

Blood everywhere,

and a terrible pain in my insides.

Unbearable.

The operating room was spinning.

I felt like I was giving birth to a porcupine.

My husband kept trying to help: "Push! Push!"

Then I saw my little Ricardo,

and it was tears of joy.

- Is that him? - Yup.

He's not so hot.

I don't know. You gotta envy the guy.

Inter nos, he's been featured in several Pap smears.

Not mine.

Not yet.

You think I don't see you staring at my belly?

What?

I'm not sick. I'm just pregnant.

If you want to look, just say so.

Mr. Tomás, come this way, please.

Nosy creep!

- You have some white spots. - White spots?

We need a throat smear and blood tests.

You want to take blood? With a needle?

Don't argue. I'm your doctor.

And a hematic biometry to see if there are any anomalies,

a complete blood analysis, and an HIV test,

to see if you have any immunological deficiency, like AIDS.

AIDS?

- Who do you think I am? - You're Tomás Tomás.

You can't take chances. There's always a risk.

A blood transfusion, an infected syringe. It can happen to anyone.

- And you get laid a lot. - You want me to boil them first?

No, just get tested.

Go with Sylvia. She'll take your blood.

Does it hurt?

Will this hurt?

First time?

It's very painful.

Very?

You mean extremely!

Good thing you've never had a baby.

God forbid.

Be brave, Mr. Tomás.

Dr. Mateo says you're a real man.

He says things even he doesn't understand.

Sylvia, you look great in white.

They make me wear it.

- Want to watch the tube fill up? - No way!

- Here goes the second one. - Not another one, please.

Oh, my!

I guess you get used to these sorts of things.

I mean it, Sylvia. White makes your eyes glow.

Okay, okay.

Ow!

- Does that hurt, Mr. Tomás? - No.

Ow!

Don't jiggle it.

- What are you doing tonight? - I don't know.

Oh, yes. I have a date.

- That's not true. - How do you know?

Your words can lie, but your pulse gives you away.

How about my place?

These you can boil. You'll need them for the fecal analysis.

What do you think of Sylvia?

So-so.

Really? Don't you think she's hot?

- She's all yours. - I need a favor.

Teresa and I are going to a conference.

Here are the house keys. Could you water the plants and feed the fish?

Okay. When will you be back?

In three days.

You can take the cotton off now.

"The itsy-bitsy spider climbed up the spout again." (Endless refrain)

- Hello? - Tomás?

- Gloria! - Yes!

Listen, you can't just stand your boss up

whenever you friggin' feel like it.

I'm sorry, Gloria. I was working.

And I had to see the doctor.

Not another word. I'm on my way over.

Now?

How about tomorrow at your office? I won't stand you up again.

No, it has to be today. I need that ad campaign.

- You live in Number 8, right? - Yes... I mean no.

- Number 5. - I'll be right there.

Ciao!

"Gómez Home-Style Jalapeños: The secret of the pyramids."

I'm fucking pathetic today.

Sylvia...

- Hi. - You look great in black too.

It's in fashion. Just another uniform.

It looks great on you. Makes your eyes sparkle.

Must be the contact lenses.

You look just like the girl in the ad... The ad!