The Mistress

Thank you so much.

Good luck.

Bye.

-Bonne chance. -Thank you.

Stop!

Hi. Yeah.

Stop.

Oh, my God.

Argh!

One second.

- I love it. - Yeah.

Oh, I got it.

Thank you.

A little tip for the guys.

Parker, I need your help with something.

Coming.

Ready? One, two, three.

Ooh. Ah. Yes.

Oh, my God. Parker.

Hi. I'm Dawn. I live next door.

Oh, my God. You scared us.

Sorry, your door is open. I just wanted to be the first

to welcome you.

There, Birds of Paradise.

I picked them myself.

Oh, how sweet. I'm Madeline.

This is my husband.

It still feels so weird to say that.

We just got married.

Oh, my God. That's great. Congrats.

- I'm Parker. - Who is this

-little guy? -That's Rambo.

Rambo? Like Sylvester Stallone, right?

What? No. Like the French poet.

Are you a photographer? I saw your equipment.

That's just a hobby.

Well, if you ever need a model...

-Make yourself at home. -Uh, Parker's a writer,

actually. He's on the best-sellers list.

Was. For nonfiction.

Oh, all right. What's the book?

It's called Back to Normal.

It's a story about a war vet

with PTSD coming home.

I'm a writer, too. I have a blog.

I love this house. It is so gorgeous.

You know, if you ever need any help decorating,

I have an incredible eye. I've designed, like,

- all my friends' houses. - Oh.

That's so sweet. My mom is a decorator, actually.

She's gonna be flying in from Seattle

-in a little bit, so. -Uh-hmm.

- We're good. - Do you guys have kids?

-No, God, no. -Not yet.

Well, I'm really good at babysitting,

and I'm practically a full-time babysitter

when Kristoff is in town, because his whole band

- is a bunch of babies. - Oh, wow.

So we have rock stars living next door.

Oh, hardly. They tour in a Dodge van

with carpeting on the ceiling,

but I am in their latest music video,

and I designed all the costumes,

so you should really check it out.

Oh, you know, uh, that's funny,

because Madeline's a costume designer.

What? That's crazy.

We have so much in common.

Do you play?

Uh, it came with the house, actually.

I write music.

Oh, my God.

- She does it all. - Yeah.

- A real triple-threat. - Yeah.

I write lyrics and I sing. I don't play any instruments

or anything, but I do have some demos on my blog.

And you can read my writing there, too.

-Dawnoftime-- -Great.

--.com. We will definitely check that out.

Do you think it's haunted? I think all houses are haunted--

Madeline is a little sensitive--

---to some extent. ---about the H-word.

Oh, why? It can be a good thing.

Ghosts can be friendly, too, you know.

Plus, I am very connected to the spirit world,

-and this place. -Uh-hmm.

Of course she is.

There's some really good energy.

Have you guys met Dorothy, yet?

-Dorothy? -Dorothy?

Yeah, she runs like the Historical Society

or something. She knows everything

about these old houses.

Well, we will have to meet her.

Uh, Dawn,

um, not to be rude, but we have a lot of unpacking to do.

Yeah. But thank you so much for stopping by.

And thank you for the beautiful flowers.

Oh, my God. You guys, I'm so excited that you're here.

-Uh-huh. -Seriously, I am starved for--

-Oh. ---human connection,

so we will have to have a drink to celebrate you

-she's friendly. Bye.

Bye.

She is not modeling for you.

Dessert.

-Thank you. -Uh-hmm.

You know, I took lessons as a kid.

Were you any good?

Oh, it broke my mother's heart

when she realized I had no talent.

Oh.

My dad used to say the piano

ain't got no wrong notes.

-That's Monk. -What?

That's Thelonious Monk. He said that.

Well, they were both wrong.

The faster her fingers flew over the keys,

-the more he marveled. -Is that Monk, too?

No, that's Flaubert, from Madame Bovary.

Well, did Madame Bovary play this?

Shit. Ah.

Jesus.

You got to see this.

What is it?

-It was in the attic. -Whoa.

-Oh, my gosh. -You know what this is?

Did they leave this here?

This is a plate camera.

These things are worth a fortune.

I mean, this could be the original owner's.

This is amazing. Do you think it still works?

We'll find out.

-By the way... -Yeah.

...we have squatters.

-What? -Rats.

What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Hey, Parker. It's Rob.

Uh, I'm just calling to check with you

how the writing's going. Give me a call.

Hi, Parker. This is a Frida Richmond.

I haven't heard from you in a while.

Give me a call when you get a chance.

Thank you.

Jesus Christ.

Hmm.

You said you quit.

What?

You smell like smoke.

You know I need your sperm nicotine-free, right?

It's no secret, Parker.

We've been married a month.

And now you're gonna be baby-crazy?

I'm not baby-crazy just because I want kids.

Kids? Kids?

How much kids?

How many of these things do you want?

Start with one, and see how it goes.

God. I wonder who she was.

Do you realize

we are the first people to see this, ever,

in the history of the universe.

I mean, this thing has to be a hundred years old.

Older. I mean, look at the dress.

That's the turn-of-the-century.

- I have one just like it. - Uh-hmm.

Rob.

They paid you in advance.

Apparently, it was more like milk money.

And you are behind.

Hey, look, they want something. Can you give them something?

Rob, I'm at the mercy of a--

of a very unreliable subject who keeps blowing me off.

Well, maybe this guy is not the right guy.

There is no other guy.

Look, I'll get you something soon.

Trust me.

Look, I'm not gonna lie, they are concerned...

Where are you off to?

I'm meeting my guy.

So it's finally happening.

Meeting's out of this--

at this, uh, donut shop in, uh, MacArthur Park.

He calls it his office. You gonna be okay?

You know I'm a little freaked out.

Oh, come on.

Just take an edible or drink something to relax.

-I'll see you soon. -Good luck.

-Thank you. -I love you.

I love you, too.

Ah.

Come on.

Okay. Easy.

The Carole King, Burt Bacharach, or Nyro,

Marvin Hamlisch, Jimmy Webb.

It's, uh, Dylan, Springsteen,

that's a very anemic list that you have there.

Well, you know...

Yeah, I'm surprised you left yourself off of it.

Ah.