Honeymoon Crasher (Lune de miel avec ma mère)

Ladies and gentlemen, the couple will now exchange vows.

Lucas Duvivier, do you take Élodie Fabergé to be your lawfully wedded wife?

-Don't worry, honey. He can still say no. -Stop.

I do!

Perfect.

They're so cute.

Excellent.

And do you, Élodie Fabergé, take Lucas Duvivier

to be your lawfully wedded husband?

-Fuck's sake. -Unbelievable.

Sorry.

I'd like to remind everyone

that cell phones must be switched to wedding mode.

-Thank you… -Wedding mode!

As I was saying,

Élodie Fabergé, do you take Lucas Duvivier--

Come on. That's enough!

Oh, no! Come on!

-It's Damien. -What?

I'll start again. Do you, Élodie Fabergé, take--

This is ridiculous.

Who is it?

One of her friends.

Quit it! We're at a wedding. We can't answer!

That's enough now.

All right. Calm down.

Élodie, apparently, it can't wait.

Huh?

Pass it to her.

Answer, quickly.

Élodie, what are you doing? You can't answer!

I'm sorry. I won't be long, okay?

Hello?

-What's going on? -Unbelievable.

-An emergency, I think. -What is so urgent?

-An emergency? -But…

Yes, you're out of your mind. I can't. I'm at my wedding.

-Why tell me this today? -Who is it?

Of course I remember Capri.

-What? -How could I forget?

I've never felt that way about anyone.

-Who is it? -Her ex.

-What? -Her ex?

Darling, that's enough. Hang up now, okay?

Miss, please. Everyone is waiting for your answer.

Do you take him or not?

-Yes, of course. -There, she said, "Yes."

-So, you do? -No! No…

By saying "Yes" to you, I said "No." See?

So, just to be clear. When you say "Yes", you mean "No"?

No way! I thought you were in Australia.

Miss! Does yes mean no?

Maybe, yes.

I'm a bit lost.

-She said what to whom? -No idea.

-So, no. -Is it yes?

I'm sorry, Lucas. I…

I can't.

No!

Sorry.

-Élodie! -Élodie?

Élodie…

Oh, my poor boy.

I'm afraid it's a no.

I'm sorry, Lucas. I…

I can't.

I'm sorry, Lucas. I can't.

I'm sorry, Lucas. I…

Are you okay?

Yeah, I know. I heard about…

It must be hard for you.

Yeah, it's not easy.

You're a great guy. Good-looking too.

-Really? -You're the cutest teacher in school.

Who knows? You might find someone sooner than you think.

I know it isn't a good time, but…

But, Léa…

I feel something between us too,

but it's too soon for me.

-Lucas? -Yeah?

It's not my phone number.

It's my bank details.

The others and I were wondering

if you could pay back the money we collected for your wedding gift

since there wasn't any wedding.

No rush though.

But don't take too long.

Hi, Corine. It's Lucas.

Would you please tell Élodie…

Tell your daughter it's okay. I've moved on.

I don't want…

You're a bitch! And you're ugly!

I want you back.

Élodie?

-Hi, sweetie! -Hello!

-Hi! -It's us.

We popped by the caterer's to pick up the food.

We've taken some for us already.

Right, sweetie.

I know it's hard to believe me right now, but trust me.

There's always light at the end of the tunnel.

Or a train.

Where are the tools I got you for Christmas?

Your kitchen drawer won't shut.

Dad, Mom, thanks for coming, but I want to be alone.

Oh, what's this?

This is gorgeous!

It's the brochure for our honeymoon.

You wanted to take her there?

It's the prettiest resort in Mauritius.

Looks expensive!

You've no idea. I had to take out a loan. And the agency won't even refund me.

Well, go then. It'll do you good.

-Sure. All on my own? -I could go with you if you want.

Mom, can you hear yourself?

-I'm not honeymooning with my mother. -I know, Lucas. I was kidding.

I'll call them and get your money back. Don't be such a doormat.

-Mom! -Yes!

Without me, everyone gets ripped off!

You know, Lucas, after our wedding,

we planned to go to Rio.

See? It was her dream.

But work,

buying the house, your arrival…

Just life.

We never went.

Shit, it's Élodie. Can you go?

Say hi from me.

Is that your only solution?

-Élodie? -With who? His mother?

-I'm glad you called. -Really?

-Didn't you want me dead? -I can't hear you. Where are you?

Where Damien works. Cool, right?

What? I thought he was a mechanic.

No, I just said he worked with cars.

-Are you okay? Who is it? -Lucas.

How awful. Poor guy.

He's so nice.

You mean a lot to me, Lucas, but with Damien, it's stronger.

Élodie, if you called to rub it in--

No, don't hang up! Wait.

On our wedding day, I stupidly left my keys at home.

We're at the Miami GP next week and I don't have any clothes.

Can I come by next week?

-No. -Why not?

Well, next week won't be possible.

But why?

-I'll be in Mauritius. Remember? -You're going?

-Alone? -Why would I be alone?

You're not irreplaceable. Get real.

Who are you going with, Lucas?

None of your business.

Lucas, sweetie. Where's your passport?

Sweetie?

I'd rather you gave it to me, so you don't lose it. Right?

Compliments of the airline on your honeymoon.

How lovely. Here you go, sweetie.

-How kind. -You're welcome.

Would you like a photo?

-No, thanks. It's fine. -I'd like one.

-Give me your phone. -Yes.

Right.

It'd be better with a kiss, don't you think?

Go on.

-There. Enjoy the flight, lovebirds. -Thanks.

HONEYMOON CRASHER

Can you stop sulking for one second?

I always gave you kisses as a boy. You loved it.

Mom, stop!

-Hello. -Hello.

-Welcome to Mauritius. -Thank you.

There is a small snag. Apparently, our room isn't ready.

Oh, you speak French. Yes.

We had an issue with the previous guests, but don't worry, it'll soon be sorted.

Yes, but my wife is tired.

You'd never guess. You look ravishing!

We'll give you two cocktails. Don't worry.

Frankly, for the price we're paying, it's unacceptable.

Oh, these young people, they are so tired.

-And you are Mrs… -Duvivier.

Duvivier, exactly. And Mr. Duvivier?

-He's over there, taking photos. -So I see.

He's young.

Yes, but he's not tired.

-Are you coming, sweetie? -Yeah.

This way, please.

You see, Ryan? People usually criticize an age difference,

but with those two, it's not a problem.

I think they think we're a couple.

It's funny, right?

No, it's not. It's gross.

When I picked you up from school, people took me for your sister.

Marrying my sister is gross too.

Age is just a state of mind. You could say he looks older than her.

Only one bed!

This is the island of love with a capital L.

The sea is a caress.

The air is aphrodisiac.

-Ma'am. -Thank you.

Sir.