The Durrells in Corfu S04E01

Here, let me give you a hand.

ORCHESTRAL MUSIC

GROANS There we go.

Gerry!

Stop that pelican squawking

or I'll throw a typewriter on its head!

Mother? Stop Larry squawking.

Come, shoo! ORCHESTRAL MUSIC

So I said to him, "You're very sweet,

"but you look about 14 and only come up to my chest."

Someone bang the exciting new gong!

Quick, put this on. You must be joking.

It's the big moment!

GONG

GONG, GONG

SHEEP BAAS

LUGARETZIA SPEAKS IN GREEK

What's she saying? Too many bloody foreigners in the house.

We are not foreign, Lugaretzia.

You are foreign. I'm certainly not foreign.

Cometh the cocktail hour, cometh the man.

Have you gonged the exciting new gong?

Yes, I did.

Because the builders have finally left

and the penthouse floor is ready.

So, now we are up and running as a high-grade guesthouse,

I will have to charge all my lodgers

the full weekly rent of 80 drachma.

Larry!

Can we be your girlfriends and move into your room?

Oh, all right.

BOTH GIGGLE

Well, I think it's thrilling.

Guests, a venture to be proud of

and a chance to heal the sadnesses of the past.

Will you please stop growing!

Bacon, known locally as noumboulo.

Eggs and vegetables from the garden. And orange juice,

enlivened with kumquat. Thank you.

Now that I'm paying the full ticket,

a chaser of porridge would slide down very nicely.

But of course.

You will explode.

It's a risk I'm happy to take.

Good morning, Spiro.

Mrs Durrells.

The postman asked me to take this to you

because he couldn't be bothered.

Thank you.

It's either Margo's fashion magazines

or Leslie's gun ones.

Pretty or dead seems to be the choice.

It's strange not seeing you since...

Yes. How are your children?

Ah... Noisy?

And your wife?

Pleased to be back, I think.

SHUTTERS OPEN

Oh, wonderful to see you, Spiro!

SHEEP BAAS Oh, congratulations.

Thank you, yes. It's going very well.

I hear you're running a boardy house?

A boarding house. Yes, well, starting.

We only have one paying guest, Basil.

If you hear of any lodgers,

especially rich or barmy, do send them our way.

That won't be necessary.

So, goodbye.

Goodbye.

BANG Aw...

You need to be friends with Spiro again.

Can't. Look where that got me.

Months of snivelling. I know, but apart from missing him,

we're all really tired of having to walk everywhere.

I am working hard and I'm not thinking about Spiro.

Don't mention him again. BANG

You know, Les and I both have emotional scars.

He's obviously healing his by reverting to his more basic self.

BANG I saw Daphne in town with her baby.

Oh, poor Les.

BANG Yes!

You effing beauty!

Not that he was ready to be a father.

Gerry... Here.

It's all right, I'll go in and polish the exciting new gong.

Here.

Now, she followed me. Followed you home, yes, yes.

Oh, he's gorgeous!

He's a barn owl.

Roger can't get over the fact that he can swivel his head

all the way around.

Stop talking, please! I need to write.

Well, do it in your room. Impossible.

The girls are up there snoring... and farting.

It's a dancer thing.

They love to express themselves with their bodies.

You won't let him get in the way of any of the guests, will you?

The guest. England's worst solicitor.

So bad that he's been sent on holiday.

There'll be more. Well, they better be animal lovers.

Because I'm going ahead with my plan for a proper zoo here.

A complete animal experience

with a breeding programme, wildlife in area enclosures

and is now a mascot. Ulysses the owl.

Who embodies the wisdom of the animal kingdom.

Theo, where do you stand on nipped in waist dresses?

It's a massive issue.

I need to read up about it before I comment.

Life's moving on. I feel I need new challenge.

SIGHS

Be very careful what you say.

Who did your dreadful hair?

Oh, I like its boldness. I didn't want bold.

I wanted soft and attractive. Who did it?

Mrs Lekhas. I think she was trained by clowns.

The others are even worse.

That's a worrying face.

Can I have a few days off?

GREEK GREETING

Customer?

Welcome!

I hope you don't mind stairs.

Now, this is newly appointed and rather swish.

I like to be by the sea.

How long are you thinking of residing?

Perhaps a week? I will pay you now.

Oh, you're not going to haggle? Are you sure you're Greek?

In return, I am writing a book so I need to be left in peace, please.

Oh, of course. My son, Lawrence, is a novelist.

Ah. Don't read his books.

He's become very smutty. All rather awkward.

And yet, you are very proud? Yes. Yes, I am.

Nobody wants a child who is like them.

That is like giving more bread to the baker.

I think we are going to get on.

GIRLS GIGGLING My turn! My turn!

Ignore that giggling.

That's him with one of his girlfriends.

And ignore any animal noises, or gunfire.

How blessed you are.

Two writers in the house.

Three, if you count animal boy's scribblings.

Mr Vangelatos is rather more modest than you about it.

Yeah, and I bet he doesn't claim

that each of his so-called books reinvents the wheel.

If you think all wheels are the same,

I'm gonna make you a car out of a bike, a tractor,

a go-cart and a Ferris wheel.

Perfect. And I'll drive it over your face.

Thank you.

You could both do with some of Mr Vang's generosity of heart.

Why are you home early? I found my vocation.

I'm setting up a hair and beauty salon.

Argh, please stick to something that exercises your mind.

Most men already think of women as brain-dead.

Let me set you right about female emancipation, Larry.

I'm off! It's about the right to choose.

Not the right to stick at a boring job

her brother thinks she should do.

- Finally! - Lunch is served.

DOOR KNOCK Hello.

Well, don't let me interrupt your writing if it's flowing.

No, it's not writing day.

Yes...

People don't realise we authors aren't typists,

we're... penseurs.

I think you're more of a penseur than me.

So, just fill you in on us Durrells, father died when we were young

so mother has wells of resource but she's always relied on us,

me, to sure her up.

Families are monstrous, of course.

No doubt Bruegel was inspired by Christmas with his relatives.

Do you write about your family?

No. I should, really.

But they don't deserve it.

Maybe Gerry will. He's kinder than me.

What do you write about?

GULPS The... people.

Right...

What people?

Er...

I don't want to talk about writing.

Hah.

Ha. What do you think?

My beauty boudoir.

I'm prepared to give you free introductory

fashion advice or a haircut.

Mother does my hair. Yes, and look at it.

I take my lead from the animal kingdom.

Clearly.

All right, fashion...

I can make you a nice bowtie by cannibalising some old knickers.

Les! No, don't trust you.

So, do you own this house? Yes, of course we do.

Gosh.

Oh, no, I mean this house? Oh, yes.

And a castle in Tuscany.

No.

We usually have to pawn something to pay the rent.

So, hide your cuff links.