Leprechaun in the Hood

Death to he who sets a leprechaun free.

Steal his gold, it will corrupt your soul, you see.

For many a moon, the legend has grown.

Death toll increases, solution unknown.

Beware the evil wanderer in search of his loot.

Lest you suffer the rap of his golden flute.

Flee while you can. The future's not good.

For no one is safe from a lep in the hood.

This map you bought was bullshit.

Man, it gotta be down here somewhere.

Do you see any gold, fool?

The burger's probably still good.

The burger's probably good, huh?

Hey! Wait! Wait! -What you talking about, man?

What the fuck?

Holy shit.

You midget Midas motherfucker.

Yo, Slug, look at this shit.

Oh, shit.

Whoo!

That's it. It's all here, baby.

That's all I want, right here.

Oh, yeah.

You collect the rest of this stuff, man.

Now we're moving on up to the East Side.

Yeah, that's it. That's all I needed.

Huh?

Ugh!

Ah! Free at last, free at last. Thank God almighty, free at last!

God damn!

Oh! Oh!

Yeah, come on, come on.

Come on. I'll knock your...

Stealing me gold's a sure way to grow old.

Now me little room will become your tomb.

Got your ass!

Whoo!

Motown, here I come.

Oh, shit!

Oh, man.

Damn. What the hell happened here?

What the fuck y'all done did to the stage?

Too much ammonia, not enough nitrogen.

So what up with the gig, home school? We on the bill or what?

The bill? Man, don't worry about the bill. Y'all gonna get that.

This is our shot out, man.

If we win this contest, we gonna be going to the Vegas Hip-Hop Café, man.

We're talking video promo, publishing rights, record deals, all that shit.

Man, only record deal y'all getting is with the LAPD.

And if y'all get your shit right, I might give you another audition.

Now get the fuck out of here.

Shit. I almost get my ass blown to bits by a virgin.

Shut up, fool.

I should have never told your big head ass I was a virgin.

Hey dawg, I know you ain't know nothing about no pussy, man,

but I thought you knew what you was doing with that nitrogen trimesteride.

Man, that's nitrogen triiodide, fool! Triiodide!

Man, that's an iodine-ammonia compound.

Fool, you gonna wind up in a compound.

The hell with it, all right? We fucked up.

See, Stray? You're thinking with a spirit of failure again, man.

You really do need to hook up some Tony Robbins.

That big, white, goofy motherfucker always talking about,

"If a tree fall in the bathroom, take time to smell the forests..."

No, man, that ain't right.

See, our unconscious beliefs control our behavior.

Only through daily positive, positive affirmation can we overcome, man.

Yeah? Well, affirmate this, motherfuckers.

If we don't get this equipment fixed, we ain't winning no contest,

we ain't going to no Vegas and we ain't ever leaving Compton!

The guy said we could audition again though, right?

Butch! What it take to get our shit fixed?

What it take to get this shit fixed? A whole lot of money.

See? We fucked.

You just got to think positive.

Jimi Hendrix. The real Jimi Hendrix.

Boy, where did you get this guitar?

It was my Uncle Junior's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he got it from Jimi Hendrix.

Yeah, that's right, when they used to play together.

-Your Uncle Junior used to play with Jimi? Mmm-hmm.

At Psychadela-Palooza in 1971, there it is.

Yeah, that's right, that's right.

-That's Jimi's guitar. -Right.

Psychadela-Palooza?

-I never heard of that one before. -So?

Wait a minute, '71? Didn't Jimi die in 1970?

No, no, no, Dee, that was Paul McCartney.

So, what you give us for this piece of music history, Jackie?

I'll give you about five seconds to get up out of my shop.

Come in here, bullshitting with this piece of crap.

Hey man, ain't nobody bullshitting you.

Stray Bullet.

Boy, you ain't no gangsta.

And Postmaster P! "Postmaster"? What is that shit?

You ain't never been in the military.

No, it's Postmaster P because I deliver a positive message, man. That's all.

-Positive message? -Yeah.

Punk-ass is more like it!

And Butch.

Boy, you need to get yourself some pussy

before you blow off your dick fucking around with all them chemicals.

Now you all get on up out of my shop. Come on, this ain't no charity.

Now how much you give us for it, Chow?

This Jimi signature for real?

Man, who else you know sign his name like that?

I look stupid? Everybody know Jimi died in 1970!

You try bullshit Chow? You get the fuck out.

Oh, damn, Chow. Come on, man.

Hey. Don't touch, don't touch!

You leave Chow store. Go on.

Hip and hop your black ass home.

Go, go, go!

What are we supposed to do now, huh? Rob somebody?

No, man, we ain't robbing nobody.

Hey, there go Mack Daddy Onassis right there.

Man, why do they call him Onassis, man? (CHUCKLES)

-He don't look Greek to me. (CHUCKLES) -He was a pimp, man.

Back in the day, Mack Daddy owned asses.

See, now he got his little hip-hop thing going.

Yeah, gangsta hip-hop.

Oh, man. Bitches and ho's ain't all my man knows!

If it ain't the Milli Vanilli of Compton rap.

Heard you guys are sampling Chipmunk tracks now.

No. The machine broke, man. That ain't no Chipmunk track.

Yo, we got some new shit, man.

It's hot, man. You should hear it.

What's in it for me?

-(SCOFFS) What's in it for you? -Moolah.

Hell, you could be repping us, man.

Yo, after we win that contest in Vegas, man,

we gonna be the hottest act around. Word.

Get in. Better not be wasting my time.

Oh, shit.

-(HIP-HOP BEAT PLAYING) -(POSTMASTER P RAPPING ON RECORDING)

It's not much but it's not the worst.

You guys seem hungry. I'm sure I could do something with you.

-We're gonna have to change some things. -Like what?

Like this bullshit, all right?

I ain't with that "Save the fucking hood" bullshit,

"Treat your girl right." That shit is whack, all right?

This label, we rap about Uzis, blowing motherfucker's heads off,

you know what I'm saying? Smack your bitch up.

Shoot-your-motherfucking-homeboy- in-the-face type shit, all right?

Yeah.

But, Mack Daddy, I mean, that's not what we do, man.

I mean, we're trying to send out a positive message.

Yeah, I mean... "Cause, you know what I'm saying,

really, this shit is selling like...

What?

Man, he wanna change everything.

-Hey, you wanna be large? -Yeah.

All right, well then, you gotta do what he say.

So, you wanna change everything we did?

Hell, who gives a shit? I mean, if we're large?

Stupid. Stupid.

Hey, you. You. Hey, you! Get the fuck away from that! Is that yours?

Stop touching shit. Go over there with your fucking friends.

You fucking up. Watch this fucking kid.

Hey, you. You listen to me.

You don't wanna fuck with me, okay?

I hope you had sex last night,

'cause I'm gonna come over there and cut off your dick,

then I'm gonna feed it to my pit,

then I'm gonna burn the shit

when it comes out of my goddamn dog's ass. You hear me?

Don't fuck with me, bitch!

What are you guys gonna do?

Yo, Mack Daddy, I don't know, man.

You don't know. Get the fuck out of here.

-Hold on, Mack. Look... -Get the fuck out of here!

Mack, look, let me just talk to my boy real quick, he's tripping like...

Look, you motherfuckers are wasting my time.

I got chumps lined up around the block trying to be down

with this label, okay?

You get no second fucking chance! Get the fuck out.