Friends

Do you realize this is the last time we'll be here...

...as six single people?

What's happening to the coffeehouse?

From now on, it's you four and me and the missus.

The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.

- Old? - The young, hot ball and chain.

- Much better. - We gotta go.

- Where? - Get the dress and lunch with Mom.

Joey, you too?

I just heard "lunch."

Yeah, I can go. Sure.

Actually, I'm glad they're leaving.

I need to talk to you about something.

- What's up? - This may be a little awkward.

If you need money, it's a bad time. I'm buying 128 dinners tomorrow.

No, it's not that.

I'm not gonna say this as your friend...

...but as Monica's older brother.

- But you're still my friend? - Not for a few minutes.

- Right now, are you still my best man? - No.

Do I still call you Ross?

You guys are getting married, and I couldn't be more thrilled.

But as her older brother, I have to tell you this:

If you ever hurt my little sister...

...if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind...

...I will hunt you down...

...and kick your ass.

What? I'm serious.

- Dude! Stop it! I'm not kidding. - I hear what you're saying...

...and thanks for the warning.

No problem.

Are we friends again?

Yeah.

You won't believe what Monica's brother just said to me!

The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding

What you doing, Mon?

I'm listing things that could go wrong at the wedding.

So I can be prepared.

- What are they? - So far, the dresses won't get picked up...

...my veil gets lost or I don't have something blue.

I'm responsible for all those.

I had to go with the odds.

Remember that audition I had a while ago and I didn't get the part?

- The commercial? - That play?

That other play?

- The movie? - Yes!

The one about the dog who flies planes?

No. But, man, that one hurt.

- This is the one about WWI soldiers. - Oh, yeah.

Back then we called it "The Great War."

It really was.

The guy they wanted backed out! I start shooting today!

Congratulations!

- Today's the rehearsal dinner. - I'll be done by then.

Oh. Then way to go, you big movie star!

See you. I'm off to fight the Nazis.

Wait, Joey. We fought the Nazis in WWll, not WWI.

Who was in WWI?

Go ahead.

You're gonna be late! Go! Go!

Who did we fight in WWI?

- Mexico? - Yes. Very good.

- Hey, Joey. We're ready. - Yeah, me too.

Richard, we're ready for you.

Joey Tribbiani, this is Richard Crosby. He's playing Vincent.

- I'm acting with you? - Nice to meet you.

I can't believe this. This is incredible. You just won an Oscar.

No, I didn't.

I think you did.

I think I lost, three times.

- Cookie? Would you...? - No.

We're about an hour away from getting the scene lit.

- Can you guys run it a couple times? - Yeah, sure.

All right. Let's do it.

And... Action!

- We have to find the platoon! - Forget it, the platoon is gone!

- What? - The platoon's dead! Face facts, Tony!

What'll we do? We have no reinforcements or food.

There's food in the basement. Potatoes and some pasta.

Hang on. Joey, you keep touching your face.

Something wrong?

No. No.

I thought it might be a cool character thing.

He's a face toucher.

I don't think so.

Let's take it back to Richard's last lines. Action!

We may not have weapons, but we still have food.

Potatoes, pasta...

...and a few tins of tuna!

Honey, we gotta go!

Here's a question you never want to ask:

Can my dad borrow one of your pearl necklaces?

Did he say what kind of neckline he's wearing?

No.

I just met him once, but I'm guessing...

...plunging?

He is more of a if-you've-got-it- flaunt-it kind of father.

Let me see if Rachel has anything.

Yes, include more people in this.

Do you realize that at this time tomorrow we're gonna be getting married?

I have a date tomorrow night.

- I can't believe we made it. - Don't sound so surprised.

I'm sorry, but...

- Nothing. - What?

Well, honestly? Ever since we got engaged...

...I've been waiting for something to flip you out.

Honestly? Me too.

- Really? - Yeah.

I think that something will come up and I'll go all...

Well, Chandler.

- But nothing has. - I'm so glad.

Thank you for staying so calm during this.

It's made me stay calm.

I could've been worse.

I'll be right there.

If you're calling before Saturday, you've reached Monica and Chandler.

But if you're calling after Saturday, you've reached Mr. And Mrs. Bing.

Please leave a message for... the Bings!

Hey, Maureen! Hi!

- This is my cousin, Maureen. - We're the Bings.

Hi! You guys look so beautiful.

Mr. And Mrs. Bing!

Monica.

So you know, I had my "older brother" talk with Chandler.

What is that?

I told him that if he ever hurt you...

...I would hunt him down and kick his ass.

What is the matter with everybody? I'm serious.

I would kick his ass!

Ross, please, my makeup!

- Chandler. - Mom.

Thanks for wearing... something.

This is so exciting! I thought we screwed you up too much for this.

Just think, soon there will be lots of little Bings.

I can't believe I'm going back to work to get spit on again.

You're lucky. At least the people that spit on you are famous.

- Who spits on you? - I don't want to talk about work.

Mrs. Bing? These are my parents, Judy and Jack Geller.

- It's lovely to meet you. - Are you his mother or father?

Jack!

What? I've never seen one before.

Dad, there's Ross. Go talk to him.

I wasn't even able to act like I'm okay with it.

Hello, all.

Hi... Dad.

Hi, Mr. Bing.

- Nora. - Charles.

- It's so great to see you both here. - Yes.

Although we may be seeing too much of some people.

Aren't you a little old to wear a dress like that?

Don't you have a little too much penis to wear a dress like that?

Oh, my God.

Of course you can kick his ass, son.

You could kick anyone's ass you want to.

Thanks, you guys.

- Rach, Rach? - Yeah?

Talk to Chandler's dad and keep him away from Chandler's mom.

- But I don't know what he looks like. - He's the man in the black dress.

Hi! I'm Rachel, a friend of Monica and Chandler's.

- I'm Amanda. - Oh, I get it.

"A man, duh!"

Could I have your attention?

- I'm Ross Geller. - Dr. Ross Geller.

Dad, please. As I was saying...

...I'm Dr. Ross Geller.

And I'm the best man.

And I have to say, I'm a little surprised we're all here today.

For those of you who don't know Chandler...

...he's not the biggest fan of relationships.

In fact, I think before he met Monica...

...the only real relationship he had was with a girl named Molly.

And he would've married her, only she couldn't control her bladder.

It was his dog. Did I say it was his dog?

Any... Anyway...

This marriage is doubly special for me...

...because not only is the groom my best friend...

...but the bride is my little sister.

She's the greatest sister a guy could ask for.

Please join me in raising a glass...

...to the couple we're here to celebrate.

- To the Bings. - To the Bings!

How cool is it that the next time you see Chandler you'll be walking down the aisle?

I can't believe that after tomorrow it's all gonna be over.

Honey, it's not gonna be over. You're gonna be married to Chandler.

Maybe I can wear the dress for Halloween!

I'm gonna steam my dress.

Who will make sure nothing happens to it?

- I'll do it. - Who wants it? Anybody?

- I said, I'll do it. - Nobody?

- All right, I'll do it myself. - I'm not gonna screw it up.

You're right. I'm sorry. You were a big help tonight.

Thanks for helping my grandmother get to the hotel safely.

- Of course! That's what I'm here for. - Okay. Sorry.

What grandmother?

- Where have you been? - Taking my parents to the hotel.

- Going back to work? - Yeah.

- Nice shades. - Thanks.

I figure if I wear these in my scenes, I won't get spit in my eyes.

And, if I remember correctly, Ray-Ban was the official sponsor of WWI.

Great! All right!