I Hate Suzie

‫Sorry.

‫Sorry

‫Fucking press nights.

‫Why are you all wearing scarves, ‫you're indoors?

‫- You should love this. ‫- They won't feel the benefit.

‫It's supposed to be stupidly clever. ‫He's really hot right now.

‫The director? He shouldn't be making you ‫do a workshop.

‫It's offensive. ‫It's basically a long audition.

‫Yeah, but apparently he's a genius.

‫It's because they think you can't act. ‫I said, it's a fucking musical.

‫You just don't want me to do any theatre.

‫No, that's not true! I love theatre.

‫I love people standing up and shouting.

‫I've been doing shit for ages. ‫This is what I should be doing. Sorry.

‫- That's what Cob says. ‫- No, that's what I think.

‫So it doesn't pay anything, so what?

‫You know I lost two clients this month?

‫Who?

‫Guive and Teddy Blair. ‫They left for United.

‫What the poet?

‫No, he's not a poet, h's a stand-up, ‫and actually a really good actor.

‫I think I saw him do a poem.

‫- Sorry. ‫- Sorry.

‫It's just really fucking full on because I've ‫been so busy managing your sex scandal.

‫Oh, don't put it on me ‫! Just... so co dependent.

‫I'm co- dependent?

‫- Oh what, I'm co-dependent? ‫- You're so co- dependent!

‫Oh God.

‫- Don't Look ‫- What?

‫- Don't look. Look at me. It's not an issue. ‫-Why? Why?

‫Is that his wife?

‫She stayed with him? That's just tragic.

‫Do you wanna leave? ‫We can leave.

‫Yeah, lets go.

‫- Yeah. ‫- lets go.

‫Sorry.

‫Sorry. Shit.

‫Sorry.

‫My God, did you see them kissing?

‫- Who? ‫- Carter and his wife.

‫I mean, who the fuck kisses during a play?

‫I did not see that. ‫But you're right. That director is a genius.

‫- I can't even talk about it. ‫- Oh my God.

‫Do you think everyone knew?

‫Do you think everyone knew that the penis was ‫sat in front of me with the penis's wife.

‫- I need to get a Margherita. ‫- Shit!

‫Suzie Pickles!

‫I haven't seen you in ages!

‫You were so wonderful in the rushes ‫of After Death that I've seen.

‫Carter, look!

‫Yeah. How are you? How are you?

‫Oh my! Gen, please introduce me ‫right this moment

‫or I will lose my proverbial shit.

‫Charon Bander. From William Morris Agency.

‫So who are you with? Sorry she asked with ‫American levels of ambition.

‫- I'm Noami Jones. ‫- Sorry. No, I meant professionally.

‫Also me. Hello.

‫They are doing their thing, let's... ‫- We should...

‫Are you coming to the Fundraiser? ‫You must!

‫Genevieve, here, is an actual real person ‫in the real world.

‫- Does amazing work in West Africa. ‫- Yes, please do come!

‫We raise money every year to reunite children ‫from tourist orphanages with their families.

‫It's a Woman of Talent in the Arts event.

‫You must be a member. ‫Great networking.

‫Very drunk powerful women ‫all in the same room.

‫No, you can't come, Carter.

‫You must come. So, who do I write to?

‫Send it to me and I will pass it on ‫if it's worth passing on.

‫We're late for the...

‫- The club. ‫- Yeah. We're going clubbing.

‫Amazing. Right. Bye.

‫- Bye. ‫- Bye

‫-Cheekies! ‫- Bye.

‫My God.

‫Was that the most graceful passive aggressive ‫fuck you ever from his wife?

‫No, she doesn't know.

‫That woman has no idea.

‫So he never told her? ‫About you. About the Affair...

‫- My God. He never fucking... ‫- The photos?

‫- Told her. He said he fucking told her. ‫- What a lying piece of shit.

‫He lost nothing.

‫Suze, what is wrong? ‫You've been in a really weird mood lately.

‫Nothing. I'm just really nervous about today.

‫Don't be. It's fucking theatre. ‫They are lucky to have you.

‫Yeah, but they'll all be proper actresses, ‫you know.

‫Listen, it's not exactly Shakespeare, is it?

‫It's some wanky nonsense ‫about Monica Lewinsky.

‫Ok, so these are pass the parcel

‫these are prizes for kids who win games

‫and we'll open these together ‫when I get back.

‫Didn't you label them?

‫Yeah, I wrapped them ‫in different wrapping paper.

‫- Should've moved it. ‫- What, his birthday?

‫It doesn't have to be ‫on his actual birthday, does it?

‫and I'm not saying cancel it

‫I'm just saying I'm not suer ‫he's particularly bothered

‫about his birthday party, that's all.

‫- Well, I asked him and he said... ‫- Yeah, obviously if you say to someone

‫d'you want a big party ‫with loads of balloons and presents

‫- they're gonna say yes. ‫- They arrive at 2.

‫I'm just saying, I'm not sure ‫these things are always the kid's idea.

‫No, they're not the kid's idea, ‫you're right.

‫They are a tradition of western civilisation. ‫He didn't invent it.

‫He's not Frank Birthday Party, ‫the inventor of Birthday Parties.

‫I told him I'd be back to cut the cake.

‫There's lasagne in the fridge ‫for parents who want to stay.

‫- Parents who want to stay? ‫- Bye.

‫- Hi, it's me. ‫- I'm here now.

‫I'm here now. ‫This place is like a maze.

‫Just checking you didn't want to go to...

‫Women in the Arts charity thing?

‫Are you fucking joking?

‫And spending the whole night ‫avoiding Carter's wife?

‫Why would I wanna do that?

‫Ok, I just ...

‫thought, Women in the Arts, ‫there will be lots of contacts there,

‫I could go with you.

‫I could do with replacing some clients.

‫No, I'm already... ‫missing Frank's birthday

‫and I promised I'd be back ‫to open his presents.

‫- It won't go late. ‫- Yeah, I'd rather chop my tits off.

‫Ok. Point taken.

‫Ok, I've gotta go.

‫Fuck!

‫"Hello, Women in the Arts event."

‫Hi, there. I'm calling ‫on behalf of Suzie Pickles.

‫I know we said she couldn't attend the event ‫this afternoon

‫but it turns out she can.

‫"Right. I'll put her name on the list."

‫- Ok, great. Thanks. ‫- "You're welcome."

‫Before we start, ‫I'm just gonna say...

‫one thing.

‫I have no idea what I'm doing.

‫I just wanna make that clear. ‫I already feel weird and insane

‫that I'm the only man in here,

‫and so I just wanna say, generally, ‫I have no idea what I'm doing.

‫I don't know...

‫what we are gonna ‫create in here.

‫I'm not in charge.

‫We're gonna go from having ‫nothing but our stories

‫into a musical called ‫The Party of Monica Lewinsky.

‫This is an exploration. And...

‫just have to have faith ‫in each other.

‫Really get into your walk.

‫How do you walk?

‫Take up every bit of the space

‫and really feel your own walk.

‫Feel the space.

‫Hey, um, I'm... I'm really happy to ‫feel the space, but it's just...

‫it's my son's birthday, and they said ‫to me that I could be away at 5:00.

‫But it's like, much further away than ‫I thought 'cause I live out of town.

‫So I was just wondering ‫if I could slip away earlier

‫or if you could do this sort of stuff ‫that I'm not totally necessary for

‫at the end of the day.

‫- That would... ‫- Warming up?

‫Yeah. Like, if it's not ‫totally necessary.

‫- It is pretty... ‫- Really?

‫I feel really warm.

‫- Okay. ‫- Take up every bit of the space.

‫Yes, feel the space.

‫How do you walk? ‫Really get into your walk.

‫So, do a bad impression ‫of yourself.

‫Have the courage ‫to be monstrous.

‫Keep pushing it.

‫Push it further.

‫Don't overdo it, Suzie.

‫Oh, that was a good effort. Let's... ‫let's keep passing and... and stuff.

‫Christ, okay.

‫Oh, hi. Er, Suzie Pickles.

‫Hello, Hampstead.

‫Suzie's friend. Hello!

‫Welcome to our haven ‫from patriarchy.

‫- Yeah. Great. ‫- Isn't Suzie with Hal today?

‫- Er, yeah... Of course he is. ‫- He's one of mine.

‫Thank you.

‫I want you to show me ‫why you're here.

‫Be bold. Think about how ‫you've been wronged as women.

‫That's what's bringing ‫these women together

‫in this place outside of time. Hmm?

‫- Catherine? ‫- "I did not fuck that horse"

‫"I did not fuck that horse"

‫"I only sought the best ‫for Russia and my people."

‫- Antoinette! ‫- "I never said it I never said it"

‫- "They can eat whatever they like!" ‫- Delilah!

‫"What an excuse, ‫how bloody unfair"

‫"To pretend that he failed ‫because of his hair."

‫- Jezebel! ‫- "Bitch can wear make-up"

‫"Bitch can wear wigs"

‫"Bitch can wear whatever ‫she please"

‫"Looking good not a disease."

‫Monica!

‫"I loved him"

‫"I loved him"

‫"He loved me..."

‫"He loved me"

‫"It wasn't good, it wasn't bad"

‫"We loved each other"

‫"We loved."

‫- Yeah, don't worry. Don't worry. ‫- Sorry.

‫Who's your agency then, Naomi?