Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising

(HEAVING) Okay. Oh, you know it.

(BREATHILY) Okay. Okay.

There we go. That's it.

That's good. Okay.

Okay. I'm okay.

Ah! Shh.

Do you want me to put a pillow over your mouth?

You gonna choke me or something? What?

Is it like a new sexy thing?

No, so Stella won't wake up.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. I'll just be quiet.

Okay.

Shh.

I'm sorry.

I'm having a hard time.

I'm a vocal lover.

Oh.

What was that? Nothing.

Just looked like you might throw up. I'm fine.

You're sure? No, I'm fine.

Is it me? Are you nauseated by me?

Come on.

Baby, you're my bear.

You look awfully nauseous. I'm fine.

Did you eat a crab salad again?

You did, didn't you? No.

Oh, no.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

That's fine.

Stop. Just stop. Sorry, it's...

You're so sexy though. Thanks, baby.

You're sure you're okay?

Honey, I'm completely and totally...

Sorry.

Baby, I think I might be pregnant.

That's great!

Sweetie, that's fantastic!

Ugh.

Sorry. Why don't we...

Is it weird that I came?

They're gonna be here in five minutes.

I gotta poo! You already pooed.

I need to poo twice sometimes! When I'm nervous I poo twice!

You're gonna have to poo later!

Fuck! Fine!

Stella, how do you keep finding

Mommy's dildo?

Just put it away, okay? No.

When did she start saying "no" all the time?

I don't know. Hide your unmentionables.

Hide your bongs!

What's that smell? It's bong water.

Hey! Welcome home. Hi!

Yeah, come in.

If you decide to buy the house, that is.

They might. They like it.

Yes. Great. Well, yeah, so...

Sorry. I know it's annoying to keep on dropping in.

No. Not annoying at all. Not annoying at all.

What's annoying about this?

So guys,

here's the thing.

We'll take it!

Oh...

Oh, that was totally...

All right.

That was scary.

We love suspense.

Oh, boy. Look.

Guess your daughter found your vibrator.

Stella.

She just keeps finding it.

I don't know what's going on.

Stels, put that away. No.

Stels! She just learned that word.

Don't even worry. I think I have that same one at home, right?

But ours is in black.

Black cock.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Dude.

Maybe we should sign some stuff.

Why don't we.

Yep. I think we should do that.

We sold our house! We sold our house!

We did it! Whoo!

Don't get too psyched because you haven't sold it yet.

You're in escrow.

What's that bullshit? Were you trying to fuck us over?

What the fuck are you talking about?

I asked you months ago if you understood

what escrow was, and you said yes.

Just say it one more time. Maybe say it one more time.

You know, just refresh our memories.

Okay. Very simple.

Escrow is a 30-day period wherein the buyer of the new house

gets to do inspections and whatnot.

And assuming everything goes well

and nothing changes with the living situation to spook them or something,

you close. Okay?

So wait. Do we have escrows on

the other house we just bought in the suburbs?

No. You have no escrow on that house.

Why the fuck not?

Because that house had multiple offers.

And you screamed at me,

"Do whatever you have to do to get that house."

Yeah, I remember that.

So, I did it. So you have no escrow there.

And then I asked you three times,

"Do you understand what escrow is?"

And once again

you just nodded.

Just like you are right now.

This is how the real estate crisis happened.

Buyers can pop by at any time, okay?

Okay. Okay.

So, your 30 days "do not fuck up" clock starts now.

Could you just watch your language, please?

She's holding a dildo.

That's not a dildo. That is a...

Toy.

From a cartoon.

Japanese, anime cartoon. Mmm-hmm.

Well, I watch that cartoon every night. (CHUCKLES)

Ah, Jesus Christ, man, we're getting old.

Why do you say that?

Because our friends are dying.

Who's dying?

Do you remember Joe Waterston? Yeah.

Dead. Really?

Yeah. Had this little weird mole on his shoulder.

Was driving to get it checked out, hit by a bus. Dead.

Are you okay, man?

No, I'm not okay, man.

I'm freaking out about Paula having a baby.

I don't think I can do it.

Dude, you're gonna be a good parent. Don't worry.

No, I'm not. I don't know anything.

Do you know you can't leave a baby alone?

If you're at home

and you want the baby to stay while you go see a movie? Unacceptable.

That I do know.

You knew that? I did know that.

How the fuck are you gonna have two?

I don't even understand how that physically works.

I'm actually not that worried.

I'm a good father to one daughter.

I think I'll be a good father to two daughters. (SNICKERING)

Come on. What?

You're not a good father.

Fuck you. I'm a good parent. Okay?

Okay, okay, okay. Yeah.

Well, tell yourself that, because before you know it,

Stella is gonna be a tween who hates you,

and it's gonna be your fault because you let her play with Kelly's dildo.

Because you're a bad parent.

Me and Kelly are good parents.

Don't take your shit out on me, okay?

All I'm saying, thank God, I'm having a boy.

'Cause girls are fuckin' hard.

What are you talking about?

Man, it's just easier with boys, you know?

Like, when a boy gets laid, it's awesome.

When a girl gets laid, it's bad.

That's not true.

You want your daughter to have sex?

You're gonna be like, "Hey, Jimmy, good news.

"Stella just got fucked.

"Come on over let's have some beers."

Yay! Yay!

Welcome to Phi Lambda!

Yay!

This is such an exciting year.

If you're lucky, and you make the cut,

you will be joining a sisterhood

and making best friends for life.

Yay!

We're getting a hot tub.

Yay!

We have all brand new feather duvets.

That's dope.

And we got a new chef, and we're going gluten-free.

Hi. What are you doing?

I totally should've offered it to you first, man. I'm sorry.

Pecking order, you know?

Who hits it first? No, you go for it.

No, we don't hit joints here, ever.

That's against the rules. You're gonna have to take that out.

Cup!

Cup.

This is $12. There's hash oil in the middle.

Cup!

Your parties must totally suck ass

if you can't smoke weed. Am I right?

Oh, damn!

We don't throw parties here.

No sorority can.

According to the Greek Council, we can't.

Really?