Euphoria

Fezco's grandma was a motherfuckin' G.

Damn.

- Hey, fuckface! - (Cocks gun)

What the fuck? You crazy...

Hey.

I just spoke to your daddy.

You're gonna come live with grandma now.

Okay?

And even though she wasn't, like, the best guardian...

("Look at Grandma" by Bo Diddley playing)

she taught him everything he knew about life.

Bag that shit up. Put it in your fuckin' tighty-whities.

Cops ain't gonna pat down a fuckin' 10-year-old.

They don't wanna be fuckin' accused of bein'

fuckin' pederasts. You know what I'm sayin'?

He didn't really know much about his mom.

His grandma never really liked to talk about her,

except to occasionally say...

Your mom had a pure heart.

But your daddy always took advantage of that.

Let me tell you somethin', snowflake,

there's a short supply of kindness in this world.

People sniff it out...

and they swoop right the fuck in.

Don't ever fall in love. It's the one instinct... you can't trust.

Fezco liked that she didn't treat him like a kid.

All right, today we're gonna learn about weight and volume.

He went to school,

and when he paid attention, he did well.

There's 28.5 grams in an ounce.

- Teacher: How many ounces in a pound? - Young FEZCO: Sixteen.

Especially in math.

And then one day, he came home from school.

("Jump Into The Fire" by Harry Nilsson playing)

Fuckin' day I've fuckin' had.

He didn't know who the baby was.

- What's up? But

so much always happened so fast

he decided it was better not to ask questions.

You remember the white cracker with the fuckin' bowl-cut?

Who the fuck brings a kid to a drug deal?

He ain't a kid, asshole. He's my partner.

That fuckin' bowl-cut cocksucka!

Sold me 10 grand of fuckin' Bayer Aspirin.

Fucked us both up the ass, snowflake.

Look at him. He's a cute little bastard.

Sad story, though. Some cunt mother gave him to me as collateral.

He's ours till 10 PM.

Hey, can I get the, uh, pop off?

- Call me when his mama gets here. - (Baby cries)

The baby was really cute, but no matter what he did,

he couldn't get him to stop crying.

He probably just missed his mom.

She never came back to pick him up.

My nephew, your uncle, Carl,

he ends up eatin' so much fuckin' McDonald's,

he gives himself diabetes, right?

Next thing you know, they're chopping off his fuckin' feet, right?

Three years later, he fuckin' drops dead.

Do I call the fuckin' cops, and say,

"Oh, you gotta fuckin' arrest Ronald fuckin' McDonald?"

- I don't know. No, I don't fuckin' call.

'Cause it's fuckin' Uncle Carl's fault.

Nobody told him to fuckin' eat McDonald's

for fuckin' breakfast, lunch and dinner.

You understand? Watch this fuckin' kid.

Come on. Get the baby. Oh, what the fuck are you doin'?

Come here. Let me get... Let me take it.

No, no, no. Get it. Yeah. This fuckin' kid.

He's eatin' fuckin' cigarettes.

Now, you're fuckin' one of us, right?

What are you, a little fuckin' ashtray?

Fuckin' livin' your best life in the fuckin' jacuzzi here.

Fezco knew that his grandma wasn't normal,

and did things that maybe other parents wouldn't do.

But they were a family.

Yeah.

What? He's at the Family Donut right now?

("I Walk on Guilded Splinters" by Johnny Jenkins playing)

His grandma also taught him that,

despite what they teach ya in school,

violence is sometimes the best possible way to solve a problem.

I spy with my little eye... cracker with a bowl-cut.

Fez doesn't know why he did what he did,

but he did it anyway.

Muthafucka! Eat fuckin' shit!

- Grandma! Grandma! - (Grandma yelling)

You fuckin' take my money? You scumbag!

Muthafucka! Piece of shit!

That was his first dark spot.

He didn't really remember anything for at least two months.

Just an occasional image, and an overwhelming fear

about who was gonna take care of Ashtray.

I don't feel too good. I'm gonna go lie down.

He never really blamed his grandma.

She never really apologized for it.

But he knew she felt bad.

He found this grandma on the floor of the bathroom.

Fez didn't wanna call 911 for obvious reasons,

so he decided to drive her car to the hospital, which took forever.

It was definitely a mistake. The doctor even said it.

- Is she going to be okay? Every second counts.

The next thing he knew...

he had a business to run.

And a little brother to take care of.

And however hard he thought life was...

it got harder and more complicated.

'Cause the more you move up in the world,

the more enemies you make.

He wondered how his grandma would deal with someone like Nate.

But he didn't have his grandma.

Look at him over there!

Just Ash.

Ash was his brother.

He loved him like a brother.

And when shit went down...

You're late.

We got caught up dealin' with some bullshit.

Man: I heard you got raided.

They ain't find nothin', though.

They ain't got shit on me.

He'd go to war like a brother.

Man: I hope not.

Are we good?

Oh shit! Aah!

What the fuck?! (Screaming)

Yo, bro, what the fuck, man?

- God! - (Screaming)

Oh, what the fuck?! What the fuck?!

Dude, what the fuck?

Yo, it-it's up here on the right.

Jesus Christ.

Yo, can you tell her to shut the fuck up?

Yeah, Rue, you gotta chill out back there for real.

Me and Ash gotta handle some serious business right now, so.

Yeah, for sure. No, I can do that.

I can just stay back here. It's real comfy.

Who the fuck is this bitch?

- Custer: Yo! Who the fuck is this, man?