Louie

Thank you.

May I join you?

Of course, please.

Robin. I'm Louie.

Yeah, I know. Oh, it's nice to meet you.

You too.

Can I have a cup of coffee?

So... you knew Barney?

Yeah, sure.

Were you close?

Um, well...

I, uh, I worked at the club.

Oh, the Laugh Circuit. Yeah.

And what did you-- you were close to him?

Were you... I knew him.

Did you-- were you--

was he a friend of yours or just. J..

He was my ex-wife's brother-in-law.

So... he was important to you.

I'm pretty sure that Barney

was the biggest piece of shit I ever knew.

Oh, yeah.

He was to me.

I mean, he was the worst guy ever maybe.

Oh, yeah, I hated him. Right?

Yeah. You hated him?

Oh. Hated him.

A prick.

He was a prick and an asshole.

Hated him. Oh...

All the comics hated him.

Serious? Yep.

He underpaid.

He bounced checks.

He, uh, lied.

Just mean.

You know, I knew that nobody would be there today.

Oh, God, yeah.

And I-- like when he--

This is weird, 'cause when he died, I felt nothing.

Ditto. I didn't care.

But I knew...

when I pictured him going in the ground

and nobody's there, he's alone...

it gave me nightmares.

Me too.

I was married to his wife's sister.

I put money into that club.

You did? About a half-million dollars.

And on top of that, he stole another 100 grand from me.

Jesus, really? Oh, yeah.

And I couldn't go after him.

You know, what can I do?

He's family, so I had to... let it go.

And then here's the worst part.

He kept wanting to be pals with me, y'know, hang out.

He wouldn't let it go.

He bought a boat with the money he stole from me.

He kept wanting me to go out on the boat.

Out on the boat that he bought with money

he stole from you? Oh, yeah.

That's amazing.

You know, the thing about him is,

he wanted everybody to like him,

even when he was killing them. That was the thing with that guy.

He was like that with everybody.

I mean, he-- he begged comics to hang out with him.

He'd mistreat us

but then after the show he'd go,

"Hey, uh, where are we going?

"Come on, let's hang out.

"Where do you want to go?

"Come on, fellas.

"Let's get in the limo.

Let's go to the strip club." The strip club.

The strip club.

Right.

What was the name of the place by

the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel?

Sweet Charity. Sweet Charity.

Every time I came to town, he kept wanting me to

go down there with him.

He'd go, "Hey, Robbie, you gotta come down

"and check out the tits on this new Chilean broad

down at Sweet Charity."

He begged everybody to go there.

Did you ever go there with him? No, not once.

Never? Never.

I never went there, either. No.

I don't know anybody who went to that club with him.

Not one time. No...

Gentleman, for the next two minutes,

all lap dances are two for $20.

Right now, for your viewing pleasure,

on the main stage we have Amber Dambra

and Supa-Loosa.

Let's get those dollars flying and those drinks flowing.

You want a dance?

Uh, no thank you.

You?

Oh, no, no thank you.

Thank you very much.

Want a double dance?

No thank you-- thank you.

Yeah, thanks a lot. I'm good.

So you don't want a dance?

No. No, no.

We're-- not so much-- Then why are you here, then?

Well, uh...

We, uh, we...

A friend of ours, uh, uh, died.

Who died?

Just a guy that we knew who used to come here, so.

I've been working here for ten years.

Who was he?

Barney Ross.

Barney Ross?

Wait, I don't understand.

Barney Ross is dead.

Barney.

I'm sorry.

Come here.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to interrupt

the festivities here at Sweet Charity for a moment

but we need to pay tribute right now

to a man...

quite frankly, we all loved...

who had passed away.

A good man, a generous man.

Barney Ross.

Barney...

this one's for you, buddy.

Oh.

Hey, man, it was nice to meet you.

Same. See ya.

Hey, can you do me a favor? Yeah.

If...

Oh, I'll go to yours. Yeah.

Will you... Whoever dies first.

Okay, good.

Take care, pal. Good to see ya, take care.

Come on, baby.

Are we gonna go get Jane now?

No, she's with your mom today. Good.

I want an alone day with you. Oh, nice.

Me too. What do you want to do?

You want to get something to eat? I don't know.

Hang out?

Whatever you want-- Louie...

I wonder if I could ask you for a favor.

Sure, what's up?

I have an emergency situation and I need--

I'm wondering if you could watch Never for me,

maybe bring him home for a play date

and I can pick him up later.

Sure, you have an emergency?

What's wrong?

I'm having my vagina removed.

I'm sorry.

No, it's elective.

I've chosen to have it removed.

But I have a consultation

and they could only do it today.

Right.

I have to do it now to stay on schedule.

I want to get rid of my vagina before Easter.

Okay, so you need--

you need me to watch Never while you do that?

Yes, could you please?

I know we're not friends

but you're the only person at this school

that I feel I can confide in or trust.

Daddy? What?

What? Daddy, I don't want a play date with Never.

Baby, don't do that.

Her mother needs our help.

But, Daddy! No, no-- shh.

I'm sorry.

Okay, so you need me to watch Never

and then you go and...

Yes! Okay.

That's-- we'll be happy to have him

and just call me after your thing.

Thank you. Sure.

Oh, also, I need you to know

that I don't say "no" to him.

And he can't eat anything with carbon in it.

Carbon?

It's all from China.

Right.

Do you have any food at your house?

Yeah, yeah, we got plenty of food.