Young Sheldon

Previously, on "Young Sheldon"...

Who are you?

- I'm Paige. - This is a very advanced class.

Do you know how to differentiate under the integral sign?

No.

Do you know anything?

I know you're in my spot.

These are parents

we can actually relate to.

- Sounds good. - Oh, thank you, Lord,

for connecting us with the parents

of another special child.

You kids are special, too.

I used to work at the practice with Barry, but I had to quit

once Paige's schedule started to get busy.

Well, a unique child can require a lot of attention.

Try all the attention.

Barry, it sounds like you might be feeling left out.

Sometimes I do.

Don't you get him another beer.

Oh, come on. You love this, and you know it.

They're as messed-up as we are.

From a young age, I was the proud member

of several elite organizations:

The Radio Shack Battery Club,

entitling the bearer to the incredible bargain

of one free battery per month.

It's no wonder they went out of business.

Starfleet International, entitling the bearer

to say things like, "I'm a member

of Starfleet International."

And best of all, the Natural Science Museum of Texas,

which included a free subscription to their magazine.

"The secrets of carbon isotope dating."

Juicy.

Mom, can you make the salad?

Sure.

Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.

Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay.

You don't tell me how to make a salad.

There's going to be a lecture on carbon dating

at the Natural Science Museum on Saturday.

Who would like to take me?

You know what? I'd be happy to.

What happened to helping me at my yard sale?

Ooh, is that this Saturday?

I'm sorry. I'm taking him

to a lecture on, uh...

what is it? Carbonation?

Carbon dating. A method of determining

the age of artifacts and fossils.

Hey, we could use that to figure out how old your grandma is.

That won't work.

You can't carbon-date something that's alive.

Well, then, we'll just chop her down and count the rings.

Oh, George, did my "lump of clay" remark strike a nerve?

A little.

Episode Title: " Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon"

Dad, do you believe that

fossils are millions of years old?

I guess. Why?

Well, Mom believes

the world was only created 6,000 years ago.

Yeah. So?

Are these differences a sticking point in your marriage?

Not at all.

- Why? - Simple.

We never talk about it.

So you just avoid discussing topics

you don't agree on?

At all costs.

Hearing that further convinces me

I'll never get married.

Never say never.

Why not? You just said it twice.

All right, as soon as I get these tables set up on the lawn,

y'all can start bringing that stuff out.

You think you're gonna get

ten bucks for this piece of junk?

Hey, that piece of junk is a wedding gift

from my cheap-ass Cousin Betty.

And I was gonna leave a little room to haggle.

What's a haggle?

Negotiating. You start high,

they offer less, then you meet

somewhere in the middle. Leaves them

feeling like, you know, they got a deal.

- Did they? - Not if you did it right.

How much are we getting paid today?

You're not getting paid squat. You're helping out your meemaw.

That doesn't seem fair.

Yeah, we should get something.

Fine.

How much you want?

- Five dollars. - Each.

Each.

That's pretty steep.

How about I give you a buck apiece?

Let's meet in the middle... Three dollars each.

Now we're haggling.

Let me ask you a question.

If you break something today,

are you prepared to cover the cost of that?

- No. - Nuh - uh. Mm.

Well, we're gonna have to factor that in.

And did you bring your own lunch?

You said we were getting pizza.

Well, I did, but pizza ain't free.

And I'm teaching you about negotiating,

which is a pretty valuable life lesson, right?

- Yeah. - I guess so.

So, if my math is right,

you owe me... two dollars each.

We owe you?

The numbers don't lie.

Dang it.

All right, listen.

I love ya, and you're family,

so if you do it for nothing,

we'll call it even.

Take it, take it, take it.

You got yourself a deal.

Y'all drive a hard bargain.

Now start bringing that crap outside.

Oh, my.

Yeah.

I bet he dresses down

to about 6,000, 7,000 pounds of USDA prime.

You would eat him?

He'd eat me.

Wow. You're really cleaning house.

Got to get rid of the old gar-bage,

make room for the new gar-bage.

This was Dad's.

You're not getting rid of this, are you?

Didn't need it when he shot it,

didn't need it when he stuffed it,

- don't need it now. - Really?

It was his first attempt at taxidermy.

He was so proud.

If it has sentimental value to you,

I'll let you have it for five dollars.

Ooh. For this nasty thing?

Oh, you're selling his golf clubs, too?

Which one of your children do you see

hanging out with Arnold Palmer in the future?

Dad's clothes, his shoes, his pipes?

Honey, it's just stuff.

I know, but still...

I get how you're feeling.

I do.

Now go away.

I got a lot of crap to sell.

All right, now, don't wander off.

Pick you up right after the lecture's over.

Bye.

You gonna be okay by yourself?

I actually prefer it.

Yep. I'm leaving.

You keep saying that, but then you don't do it.

Bye.

He's so needy.

Sheldon?

Paige?

I'm so happy to see you.

Are you happy to see me?

Not immediately.

That's okay.

I'm happy enough for both of us.

Rice Stadium in Houston. Dave Barnett and Dave Rowe.

And Baylor's bidding to go up 14 to nothing.

And if you're Rice right now, and you're in that huddle...

- George? - Uh...

Hi.

Oh, Paige's mom.

I know.

What a nice surprise.

I just dropped Paige off at the carbon-dating lecture.

And I dropped Sheldon.

Well, how about that?

How about it.

Mind if I join you?

Sure.

So, uh, where's your... your hubby?

- Oh, Barry? - Barry. Yeah.

Who cares?

That doesn't sound good.

Oh, sorry. Just ignore me.

Okay.

Oh, hey, you want a wing?

Yeah, no, thank you.

You mind if I watch the game?

Oh, no, not at all. Enjoy.

I'll just see what kind of pie they have.

Mm-hmm.

Well, we were here last year when Arkansas...

It's getting a little tougher to ignore you.

Oh. I'm sorry. It's just...

Oh... forget it.

Okeydoke.