How I Met Your Mother

It was the Fall of 2009 and I was a professor now.

So I decided to change my look a little bit.

And people were noticing.

Tweed.

Textile of the eunuch.

You know, I've always wonded why those tweed jackets have elbow patches.

Because the people who wear them are constantly going,

"Geez. Why can't I get laid?"

Your are wrong. The ladies dig the professor look.

There is something to that.

I remember thinking my tenth grade math teacher was very sexy.

I wonder if Harold's still in jail.

What? Tax evasion.

Among other things.

So guys, Marshall and I wanted to invite you to our place

for a little couples' night.

Sure. Why not?

For years, Marshall and Lily had been the only

married couple in a group full of single people

It got lonely.

So they were always searching for another couple to double-date.

There was only one problem.

- Welcome. - Gouda?

They sucked at it.

This is great.

We're having fun. You're having fun, right?

So, should we just go ahead and lock the four of us for new year's?

It's april.

Right. Sorry.

We're getting ahead of ourselves. Let's talk thanksgiving.

Our parents really want to meet you!

Well, we should probably be going.

Wait. But, wait, if you leave now, Colonel Mustard just gets away with it.

It's getting pretty late. We're going to go.

There's still pie.

Night was fantastic. We should do it again.

I'm sorry, Marshall, but Falguni and I are just not that into you.

And you.

But just when Lily and Marshall were about to give up,

2 of their best friends in the world got together.

And hope returned to their hearts.

So when lily said...

Marshall and I wanted to invite you to our place

for a little couples' night.

Sure. Why not?

Barney and Robin had no idea What they were about to walk into.

Okay. Game time.

Let's review the flow of the room.

Barn and Robin enter here.

Stop here for margaritas. That's a great conversation starter.

We can tell them about our trip to Cabot.

Great, 'cause I got that story about Sammy Hagar

and the Belgian waffle locked and loaded.

Then we'll move on to the hot apps station.

And, depending on how things are going,

some lively pre-dinner charades.

Right, but, we'll play that one by...

Sounds like?

OK, you can be Robin's partner.

Baby, we can do this.

- Welcome. - Gouda?

Meanwhile, my half-baked theory

that ladies dig the professor look was actually proving to be true.

- So is it hard to grade papers? - No, you've just got to make it fun.

For example, every time I spot a grammatical error,

I do a shot.

I'm trashed right now, and I blame our public school system.

Sometimes things just seem to magically fall into place.

So, you said you live right upstairs?

Whether it's in the dating world...

Take care. Bye.

... or the double-dating world.

Nailed it!

Best night ever!

Worst night ever.

Synchro: ShalimarFox, -Titou-

.:: La Fabrique ::.

How was the big couples' night with Marshall and Lily?

- Brutal. - Really? How?

It was like we were on a date with a sad chubby girl our mom made us call.

They were so nervous, that they weren't even making sense half the time.

Come on in. Would you like a margarita?

In Cabot, I saw Sammy Hagar eating a belgian waffle!

And they kept shoving platters of food in our faces.

Let me guess: Did Marshall get, like, super intense about the cheese?

- Yeah, how'd you know? - Poor Marshal.

Lily's this gourmet cook, and all she lets Marshall do

is pick out one sad block of cheese.

That's prosciutto-wrapped melon.

You guys are going to want to get in on this gouda.

That's seared scallops with a mango chutney.

Seriously, don't sleep on the gouda.

And that's lobster ravioli in a black truffle oil.

Tick-tock goes the gouda clock.

We... we didn't realize there was gonna be dinner.

We sucked down a couple tacos outside the subway.

not sitting great.

And if anything didn't go according to plan, they would freak out.

What do you mean, the egg timer is broken?

- What are we going to use for charades? - I'm working on it, darling.

Just stall them.

Now, Robin... You work in television.

We're experiencing some technical difficulties.

You get that?

We're still laughing.

Right?

Come on, they just got excited.

They've been looking for couple best friends forever.

Plus, I'm sure they weren't that bad.

Show him.

This is a web site Marshall already made about last night.

It was the best night ever

laughter raining down like April showers

we talked for hours...

That's no good.

Then we played charades

Lily made some creme brulee, lay-lay-lay-lay

and now that we're best couple friends

there's only one thing

left to say...

Are you free? Are you free? Are you free...

next saturday? That's the 17.

Friday or Sunday would also work. Or basically any other day.

Needless to say, we've both changed our e-mail addresses.

I don't understand. If last night went so horribly,

why do they think it was such a hit?

We knew we were gonna have fun tonight, but we had no idea how much.

Yeah, tough luck every saturday night I've ever had,

'cause this one just blow out of the water.

- Let's do it again, soon. - Yeah, we'll call you.

They're your friends! Why would you just blatantly lie to them like that?

That's what you say at the end of a crappy date.

Hey, Ted. Great time last night.

Let's do it again, soon. I'll, call you.

Right?

- Who was that? - I don't want to brag,

but it seems chicks are really digging the whole professor thing.

Last night, she picked me up at the bar.

And then...

Well, she actually wound up falling asleep the couch.

But... that happens.

- No, it doesn't. - Sure, it does.

You know, she was... just exhausted from being turned on.

But you heard her. She wants to do it again, soon.

Ted, let me ask you a question.

Where does this girl live, exactly?

Westchester. Why?

- You're the sexless innkeeper. - Oh, my god! You're right!

He's totally!

What the hell is "the sexless innkeeper"?

Many a man... nay, many a soul...

Has their own tale of the sexless innkeeper.

Why, I had run-in with one just last year.

I even composed a poem about it. Would you care to hear it?

- Not really. - It was the night before new year's,

and the weather grew mean.

It was 3:00 in the morning,

and I was stranded in queens.

The tavern grew empty,

the gas lights grew ****

The horse-drawn carriages were all but snowed in...

If this was last year, why are you acting like it was Oliver Twist?

Ted, it's a poem.

Last call was approaching,

and my fortunes looked bleak.

Then I turned to my left

and stifled a shriek.

She had a peach fuzz beard

and weighed 16 stone.

She gobble up hot wings

and swallowed the bones.

I muffled a scream

and threw up in my mouth.

I asked, "where do you live?"

And she said, "one block south."

I swallowed my pride

and six shots whiskey.

And prayed to the gods

that she wasn't too frisky.

Back in her cave, she prepared us a snack.

'neath her might hooves, the floorboards did crack.

But when she returned,

she found a sound sleeper.

And thus she became

the sexless innkeeper.

And so are you.

Wait, you're saying that girl just used me for a place to crash?

Ted, you mentioned that you live right upstairs.

She saw the tweed jacket which basically says

you're not interested in, nor probably even capable of, having sex.

And she thought, "Free lodging."

No way.

I'm not the sexless innkeeper.

Ted, that girl had no intention of ever hooking up with you.

Which is funny, because usually

it's the innkeeper who offers turn down service.