Tickle Me

Zuni Wells.

- Expecting somebody? - Yeah, it looks like I've been stood up.

Is it always this busy?

It's a swingin' town, that's for sure. Well, good luck, cowboy.

Thank you. I'm gonna need it.

Hassayampa Creek. That's where the Sheriff went.

Way up in the high country.

He says the trout weigh as much as 10 or 12 pounds.

They sure do. I've seen them. How long is he going to be gone?

Till he gets his fill of fishing.

- Howdy. - Hi.

- See you later, Jim. - Sheriff.

What can I do for you?

I'm looking for a Pete Bullman. He's supposed to meet me here.

Pete? He's gone.

Had a run-in with the foreman at the Bar-B and he quit.

Oh, great. He was gonna get me a job.

- Rodeo, huh? - Yeah.

- Say, you're Lonnie Beale. - Yeah.

Sure, Lonnie Beale. I saw you in the bull riding event, up at Prescott.

I hear you got hurt.

Yeah. One of the bulls decided that I was sitting on him too long,

so he decided to sit on me.

Well, you'll probably be all right by the time the rodeo season starts.

Yeah, I'll be all right. There's only one problem.

How am I going to eat till then?

Well...

Don't tell me. I know.

Wow!

I loved it.

- Thank you, ma'am. - Don't "Thank you, ma'am" me.

You cute thing, you.

Let go, you. That's my girl.

He doesn't want to let go.

- I said let go. - I'm not holding her.

Take it easy, partner. There's enough for both of you.

Is that so?

There's no reason for a fight.

Break it up, there!

Break it up! Break it up, now!

I'll deal with you later.

He handles himself very well.

I could've finished that guy off in half the time.

Yes, dear, I know. I was there the last time you lost a fight.

Excuse me.

Good show, Mr. Beale.

That happens every once in a while.

- I haven't seen you here before. - My first night.

If that character turns out to be a good customer, it'll be my last.

It'd be a shame if you lost your job.

It's a living.

- My name's Vera Radford. - How do you do?

- How'd you like to work for me? - Doing what?

I own the Circle-Z ranch.

Any objections to working for a woman?

No objections. I never had a lady boss before.

Well, you have now.

I'll pick you up at 10:30 tomorrow morning in front of the Union Bank.

Just a minute, Miss Radford. I like to make my own decisions.

By all means, Mr. Beale.

So this is the only life I've ever known, Miss Radford.

You see, my uncle raised me, had me in a saddle before I could walk.

I've been riding ever since.

I can always rely on my instinct, Lonnie. I knew you were the right man for the job.

I...

I thought I was going to work on your ranch, ma'am.

This is my ranch. A guest ranch for actresses, models, career women.

We help the girls get in shape.

Well, you done a real good job.

- Brad. - Yes, Miss Radford?

Will you come here for a minute, please?

Brad Bentley, our swimming instructor.

Lonnie Beale. He's gonna take care of the horses.

Beale.

I understand you're the kind of saddle tramp

that doesn't like to stay long in one place.

Yeah, at least I know horses.

And the ones with long hairs are usually jackasses.

Brad, maybe you better show Mr. Beale where his quarters are.

We'll put him in 7 A with Stanley.

Yes, Miss Radford.

This way.

Mr. Bentley, would you carry this for me, please?

See you later, ma'am.

One, two, three, down.

Left, right, up.

One, two, three, bend.

Left, right, up.

One, two, three, down.

Well...

Never mind, cowboy, just pick up your saddle and mosey along.

We got work to do.

Did you get the message, wise guy?

Yeah, I got the message.

Forget it. She's not interested.

Not interested?

I don't know many girls that are not interested.

Well, maybe not in me, or you, but just don't kid yourself, pal.

- I'm Stanley Potter. - Lonnie Beale.

- Welcome to Yogurt Gulch. - Thank you.

- You've got my brush. - Oh, I'm sorry.

They told me to bunk in here. Is that okay?

That's fine. Just fine.

How come "Barney Beautiful" helped carry your gear?

He's a real nice fellow. He insisted on helping.

He should live so long.

You can take this bed and just make yourself comfortable.

Thank you.

- Stanley? - Yeah.

Miss Radford told me the girls are all guests on this ranch.

- Is that right? - Guests?

They have to pay $500 a week,

and I mean that's every week.

You might say Circle-Z is a factory for reconditioning girls.

What's wrong with the condition they're in now?

You're looking at the after girls. Wait till you see the before girls.

- You follow me? - I'm way ahead of you.

Watch it!

Oh.

- It's okay, just throw it on the floor. - Sure.

You see, it's all done very scientifically.

You see, we roast them, toast them, wiggle them, jiggle them,

rend them, bend them, and give them very little to eat.

And for that they pay 500 bucks?

Somebody does.

They come in here measuring 40"-30"-38". That's to use rough figures.

- That's rough? - And when they leave a few weeks later,

36"-38"-24".

- Thirty-eight? - Thirty-six...

Well, you'll see the difference.

Yeah, I guess I will.

Stanley, let me ask you a question.

You can call me Stan.

Okay, Stan.

How do you keep your mind on your job

with all these beautiful girls roaming around here?

Well, that isn't easy, believe me. You have to develop an attitude.

I always say to myself, "Stan Potter, it's strictly business."

Stan Potter... Stanley,

- do me a favor. - Sure.

You keep reminding me that it's strictly business, okay?

- Yeah. Lonnie Beale? - Yeah.

It's strictly business.

Here comes the girdle brigade.

Well, you gotta look at it this way, Miss Penfield,

a ride a day melts the fat... I mean, the pounds away.

Yes, but I never knew anything filled with hay could be so hard.

Come and get it!

Don't goose the cook.

Can I help you, Brad?

Yeah, you can take this to the wolves.

- That's all, I'm sorry. - Thank you. Keep moving.

Oh, no!

You must be kidding.

I'm sorry, dietician's orders.

But it's such a little steak, and I'm so hungry.

It's for your own good.

Lonnie, listen,

you give me another steak and I'll be very grateful.

Do we understand each other?

No.

- Stanley! - Next.

Stanley...

No, thank you, Mrs. Penfield. I've already had dinner.

Move, move, move.

Just steak, please.

- Haven't we met before? - I don't think so.

What've you got in your other hand?

- What? - Your hand. Your hand.

- Miss Penfield... - Okay, I'll be a good sport.

Give me my knife and fork and a magnifying glass.

Put it back.

Here's one for you, Lonnie, and one for Pam.

Thank you, Stanley.

This is mine. This is Pam's.

- Take over for me, will you? - Right.

- Hi. - Hi.

There's a nice spot over by that tree, if you'd care to join me.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Beale, but I... - Lonnie.

Mr. Beale, I'm strictly personnel. I wouldn't like to deprive our guests.

Come on, Lonnie, let's sit under that tree and you can tell me the story of your life.

Okay.

EAS Y QUESTION)

Boy, that guy has really got a set of pipes, hasn't he?

I mean, when he sings a song, he really kind of raps it out, doesn't he?

Look at those girls over there, sitting around kind of dreamy-eyed.

Isn't that something? You know, he's got them right in the palm of his hands.

- You know what I think... - Shut up.

Brad, you're all heart.

Two, three, four.

Knees up, two, three, four.

And meditate.

I've been telling you for two weeks, it's easy to learn to swim.

You're just saying that.

Relax.

Relax.

Lonnie!

Hi, Miss Kincannon.

Lonnie!

Lonnie, wait for me!