Big Trouble in Little China

What l'd like to do today is get your version of what happened.

- You mean the truth? - Of course.

First, just state your name and your occupation for the record.

Egg Shen, bus driver.

Bus driver. What kind of bus and where, please?

Tour bus. Bus for tourists. San Francisco Chinatown.

Thank you. Now, before we get to the meat of this thing,

do you at the present time have any knowledge

of the whereabouts of a Mr Jack Burton or his truck?

- Oh, God. WiIl you Ieave him alone? - Mr Shen, pIease.

You couId be in a great deal of troubIe.

Half a city block expIodes in a baIl of green flame.

Green fIame! AIl heIl is breaking loose here.

And there are peopIe who say you're involved,

that you might be responsible, that you're a very dangerous man.

- Now, if you're protecting Jack Burton... - You Ieave Jack Burton aIone!

We are in his debt. He showed great courage.

OK.

But if l'm gonna be your attorney, there are a few things I have to know

that stiIl don't make any sense to me.

Like...

do you reaIly believe in magic?

You mean Chinese black magic?

- Yes. - AbsoIutely.

Are you stiIl serious about this? And monsters and ghosts as welI, I suppose?

Sure. And sorcery.

And I suppose that you expect me to beIieve in sorcery as weIl?

- Of course. - Why?

Because it's reaI.

How can I know that, Mr Shen?

- How? - Yes, how? Help me out here.

Please.

See? That was nothing.

But that's how it always begins.

Very smalI.

This is Jack Burton at the Pork-Chop Express and l'm talkin' to whoever's listenin'.

lt's Iike I toId my last wife.

l says "Honey, l never drive faster than I can see."

"Besides that, it's alI in the refIexes."

You just Iisten to the Pork-Chop Express and take his advice on a dark and stormy night.

When some wild-eyed maniac grabs your neck,

taps the back of your head up against a barroom waIl,

he looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if you've paid your dues,

you just stare that big sucker back in the eye,

and remember what Jack Burton aIways says.

"Have you paid your dues, Jack?" "Υes, sir, the check is in the maiI."

WeIl, you see, I'm not sayin' that l've been everywhere and l've done everything.

But I do know it's a pretty amazing pIanet we live on here,

and a man would have to be some kinda fool to think we're aIl alone in this universe.

l can't believe you're stuck on even. This is odd!

AlI right, even! Another even! Come on!

You want one more? AIl right!

- What do we got? He can't count. - Even!

Learn how to play some fan-tan here, buddy-boy!

Three!

Heaven and earth, boys. What can I telI ya?

You like that one? What did he say, Wang? ln English?

Something about beginner's luck. lt doesn't translate. But he quits.

He quits? What is this? lt's a brand-new day and he's stilI got 100 bucks in his pocket.

l'm not gonna complain, because l'lI bet l'd have lost my shirt in the next 20 minutes.

Breaks my heart to do this, but the next time l'm down here,

you'lI gang up on Jack so fast he won't know what the heIl happened.

- No. - Ah, sure. Easy come, easy go, Wang.

No!

Not next time. Now.

ls this gonna get ugly now? I hope not.

l thought what we were here, racial differences aside,

was a coupIa old friends, both of us CaIifornians.

Shit, Wang. lt's only a game.

Nothin' or doubIe.

This knife cuts this bottIe in half.

- Nothin' or doubIe. - BulIshit.

- Nothin' or doubIe. - Why, man? Don't be stupid.

- I need the money. - I got near a thousand bucks here, Wang.

1,148, Jack.

OK. But not that bottIe.

This bottle.

OK.

You're outta your mind, Wang. God bIess ya!

- lt's alI in the reflexes. - lt aIways works at home.

Have me over for dinner some year and prove it.

ln the meantime, pay up: $1,148 times two.

- I don't have that kind of money. - I didn't hear that.

l'm just a poor Chinese boy, you know?

You own a restaurant. That's more than me.

Yeah, right. What I meant was, l don't got that kind of money on me.

That's what I thought you meant. Where's your truck?

- I gotta go somewhere. - No, you don't.

l do. How about we meet in my restaurant in a few hours? I pay then.

- You pay now. Where you gotta go? - The airport.

- Yeah, right. Over my dead body. - lf need be.

- l'Il folIow you. - You don't trust me? That makes me sad.

- lt reminds me of an oId Chinese joke. - Save it. I'Il give you a lift. Get in.

- You were gonna foIlow me, Jack. - I know, then I came to my senses.

- So who are we pickin' up? - A girI. I don't wanna talk about it.

- A girI? Where from? - Peking.

This is a big day in my Iife. I shouId have gone home and gotten 40 winks.

A girI from China? AlI right, I never done that.

l picked up girIs from everywhere else, but never from China. ls she pretty?

- l'm gonna marry her, Jack. - Oh, God!

l've known her since we were kids. l haven't seen her in five years.

l came here aIone. l worked my fingers tiIl they bled.

Before you knew me, I sIept on the floor.

l saved every nickeI to bring her here because I love her so much.

l can't eat, sIeep or think properly without her any more.

She'lI put my whole life in order.

Boy, Iisten to me. ReaI tough guy.

You sound a little nervous, pal.

That's why the bottle didn't slice. My mind and my spirit are goin' north and south.

Flight number 26 has just arrived at gate number seven.

Whoa. Who is that?

She has green eyes. You know how rare that is, Jack?

- How can you teIl from here? - Not her. She's trouble. Miao Yin.

Beautiful green eyes, like creamy jade.

Trouble, huh?

- Can I ask you a serious question? - AbsoIutely not.

Would you consider jumping right into...

Sure, but not with a man in your condition.

- What's wrong with my condition? - Try standing downwind where I am.

lt's MilIer time.

You know what I say when it's MiIler time?

Wait a minute!

- Don't! - Don't what?

The Lords of Death. Street gang. Punks from Chinatown. What are they doing here?

Tara!

Miao Yin!

Excuse me.

Let's you and me have a littIe talk, friend.

What?

Where'd you get that?

Wait a minute, paI.

Get that one!

Come on, Jack!

Where?

CalI the cops!

Son of a bitch must pay!

What's goin' on, Wang? Why'd they steal your girI?

You teIl me! How come it's not safe to walk in CentraI Park or to give a stranger a Iift?

Because the world's fuIl of crazy peopIe.

The American girl knew something was up.

Stay away from her. She's a lawyer.

She's a what? Oh, come on!

- What the helI...? - They got a clubhouse where they hang out.

- To sharpen their knives? - I can't ask you to...

- Where is it? - Thank you, Jack.

Good morning, Iadies and gentlemen. l am Mr Egg Shen, with this wonderful tour.

Sit back and enjoy yourseIves, see?

Long time ago, Chinese men with gold-rush fever flooded into California.

We calI Gum Shan - Mountain of GoId, see?

Leaving behind their wives and chiIdren.

Working for years to compIete the transcontinentaI railroad,

saving alI their pennies. And then they sent for their famiIies

to heIp build this beautifuI Chinatown you see outside your window

this fine warm day.

- Go right, down that aIley. Lords of Death! - What aIley?

Go right! Now!

- Where the helI are we? - Come on, Jack.

Excuse me, ma'am. l don't suppose you saw a...

No.

Keep moving.

- What is it? A parade? - A funeraI.

- A fighting tong. They're Chang Sings. - A fighting tong?

Don't panic, Jack. They're OK. They're good guys.

Maybe we should try a different alIey. What do you say?

Wang, these guys, these Sing Dings. They got enemies?

- Wing Kong. - Who wear red turbans?

Holy shit!

These guys are animals, Jack.

- What's happening, Wang? - Chinese standoff.

A what?

Don't make a sound.

Who's that?

No questions! Just get outta here, Jack!

Jack!

- I think it was Lo Pan. - Who?

- Don't look, Jack! - I aIready did.

- Who? I mean, what? - Lo Pan. Come on!

- I can't see! - lt's OK. It's onIy temporary. Over here.

Bend over.

Yeah, yeah.

l ran straight through him, Wang. How the heIl did I do that?

- You didn't. lt only appeared that way. - Right!

- Lords of Death, Jack. - OK, l'm goin' home. Keep your money.

- Hey, Wang Chi! - Lookin' for us?

- They know your name. - That's not good. Let's go!

- My truck! - Forget it!

Lords of Death controIled by the Wing Kong, Jack. Just errand boys for the Wing Kong.

Great! Who wiped out alI those yeIlow turbans? Those guys were winning.

He says it was the Storms. The Three Storms.

Three guys did aIl that? Listen.

What about that... whatever it was I ran straight through?

Fast!

Lucky us. We made it.

AlI right, where's my truck? l'm outta here.

lsn't your truck insured?

- Of course it is. - Then smart man gets it Iater.

Smart man calIs the cops.

- Cops got better things to do than get kiIled. - So do l!

Mutual Fidelity lnsurers of Sacramento.

WeIl, there's gotta be a listing, honey. l pay 'em six G's a year in premiums.