Frasier

Listen to yourself, Bob.

You follow her to work.

You eavesdrop on her calls.

You open her mail.

The minute you started doing these things

the relationship was over.

Thank you for your call.

Roz, I think we have time for one more.

Yes, Dr. Crane.

On line four, we have Russell from Kirkland.

Hello, Russell.

This is Dr. Frasier Crane.

I'm listening.

Well, I've been feeling sort of, you know, depressed lately.

My life's not going anywhere.

It's not that bad.

It's just the same old apartment

the same old job...

Russell, we're just about at the end of our hour.

Let me see if I can cut to the chase

by using myself as an example.

Six months ago, I was living in Boston.

My wife had left me, which was very painful.

Then she came back to me, which was excruciating.

On top of that

my practice had grown stagnant

and my social life consisted of...

well, hanging around a bar night after night.

You see, I was clinging to a life

that wasn't working anymore

and I knew I had to do something... anything...

so I ended the marriage once and for all, packed up my things

and moved back here to my hometown of Seattle.

Go, Seahawks!

I took action, Russell, and you can, too.

Move, change, do something.

If it's a mistake, do something else.

Will you do that, Russell?

Will you?

Russell?

I think we lost him.

No, we cut to the news 30 seconds ago.

For crying out loud!

I finally bare my soul to all of Seattle

and they're listening

to Chopper Dave's Rush Hour Roundup.

Well, the rest of the show was pretty good.

It was a good show, wasn't it?

Here. Your brother called.

Roz, in the trade we call that avoidance.

Tell me what you think.

Did I ever tell you what this little button does?

I am not a piece of Lalique.

I can handle criticism.

How was I today?

Let's see.

You dropped two commercials

you left a total of 28 seconds of dead air

you scrambled the station's call letters

you spilled yogurt

on the control board, and you kept referring to Jerry

with the identity crisis as Jeff.

You say my brother called?

Mm-hmm.

"So I said to the gardener," Yoshi

"I do not want a Zen garden in my backyard.

"If I want to rake gravel every ten minutes

"to maintain my inner harmony

I'll move to Yokohama."

This offends him, so he starts

pulling up Maris' prized camellias by the handful.

Well, I couldn't stand for that

so I marched right into the morning room

and locked the door

until he cooled down.

Tell me you would have handled it differently. Frasier.

Oh, I'm sorry, Niles.

I didn't realize you'd stopped talking.

You haven't heard a word I said.

Oh, Niles, you're a psychiatrist.

You know what it's like

to listen to people prattling on endlessly

about their mundane lives.

Touche. And, on that subject, I heard your show today.

And?

You know what I think about pop psychiatry.

Yes, I know what you think about everything.

When was the last time you had an unexpressed thought?

I'm having one now.

You guys ready?

Two cafe latte supremos.

No, thank you.

So, Frasier, how are you doing on your own?

I'm fine.

I love my new life.

I love the solitude.

I miss Frederick like the dickens, of course.

He's quite a boy.

He's playing goalie on the peewee soccer team now.

Chip off the old block.

You hated sports.

So does he.

The fresh air is good for him.

This has been fun, Frasier, but...

we have a problem

and that's why I thought we should talk.

Is it Dad?

Afraid so. One of his old buddies

from the police force called this morning.

He went over to see him and found him on the bathroom floor.

Oh, my God.

It's okay. He's fine.

What... his hip again?

Frasier, I don't think he can live alone anymore.

What can we do?

Well, I know this isn't going

to be anyone's favorite solution

but I took the liberty

of checking out a few convalescent homes for him.

Niles, a home? He's still a young man.

Well, you certainly can't take care of him.

You're just getting your new life together.

Absolutely. Well, besides, we were never simpatico.

Of course, I can't take care of him.

Yes, yes, of course, of course. Why?

Because dad doesn't get along with Maris.

Who does?

I thought you liked my Maris.

I do.

I like her from a distance.

You know, the way you like the sun.

Maris is like the sun...

except without the warmth.

Well, then, we're agreed about what to do with Dad.

"Golden Acres... We care so you don't have to."

It says that?

Well

it might as well.

All right, I'll make up the spare bedroom.

You're a good son, Frasier.

Oh, God, I am, aren't I?

Two cafe supremos.

Anything to eat?

No. I seem to have lost my appetite.

I'll have a large piece of cheesecake.

Hi!

We finally made it.

Ah, Dad, Dad...

welcome to your new home.

You look great.

Don't BS Me.

I do not look great.

I spent Monday on the bathroom floor.

You can still see the tile marks on my face.

Gives you some idea

about the ride over in the car.

Well, here we are.

Rest assured, the refrigerator is stocked

with your favorite beer... Ballantine...

and we've got plenty of hot links and coleslaw.

And I just rented a Charles Bronson movie for later.

Let's cut the welcome-to-Camp-Crane speech.

We all know why I'm here.

Your old man can't be left alone for ten minutes

without falling on his ass, and Frasier got stuck with me.

Isn't that right?

No. No.

I want you here.

It will give us a chance to get reacquainted.

That implies we were acquainted at one point.

Well...

listen, why don't I take Dad's things

into his new bachelor quarters

so you two scoundrels can plan some high jinks?

I think that wife of his is driving him nutso.

Yes, we Crane boys...

sure know how to marry them.

Let me get you a beer, Dad.

So, what do you think of what I've done with the place, huh?

Every item here was carefully selected...

this lamp by Corbu, the chair by Eames

and this couch is an exact replica

of the one Coco Chanel had in her Paris atelier.

Nothing matches.

It's a style of decorating.

It's called "eclectic."

Well, the theory behind it is

if you've got really fine pieces of furniture

it doesn't matter if they match... they will go together.

It's your money.

Dad, what do you think of that view?

That's the Space Needle there.

Thanks for pointing that out.

Being born and raised here, I never would have known.

Delivery for Martin Crane.

Oh, in here.

Coming through.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Wait a minute.

Where do you want it?

Where's the TV?