CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

I am not ready for this.

Yeah, you are.

Besides, you got to be.

Dr. Ray's still on leave from the concussion.

We're all tapped out.

I got a multiple in northtown.

Call me if you need anything, okay?

¶ ¶

Damn it, Derrick, you're screwing up my one-to-ones.

Sorry.

This stuff is giving me the desire for pancakes.

Yeah, me, too.

Kids.

Okay,

Crime cadets, this is serious crime-fighting business,

So... Back to being dead,

Please.

Excuse me, CSI Hodges?

Yes.

CSI Hodges,

Th-that's me. Katy cypress. Nice to meet you.

Look, I know

That this is just a program for wannabe csis.

And this exercise does test

Observational and evidence-collection skills.

Yes. Is it at least based

On a real case?

No.

This is just brute-force rote work.

I couldn't agree with you more. The real fun

Is nailing bad guys.

And that's about interpreting the evidence

And solving a real mystery.

That's what... You do,

And that's what I want to do.

Okay.

I'll tell you what.

Let's finish up here, and then you

Grab a couple of your cadet buddies

And meet me at the crime lab

For a real challenge...

If you're up to it.

Oh, I am up to it.

Guillermo.

He'd love to do it.

He has no life.

I collect spores, molds and fungi.

You, too, Derrick... it'll be fun.

Grab a seat.

Are we waiting on Derrick?

Uh, no. He's not coming.

He has video-game

Issues.

Ah. These files

Are from a case we investigated four months ago.

You said you wanted to match wits with real csis.

Now's your chance.

Among the many consequences

Of a construction boom are structures

That are thrown together with little regard

For building codes.

The fire department responded quickly.

But even so, the lower three levels

Of this apartment building were almost completely consumed.

The firemen, or, as we like to call them,

The "evidence eradication crew,"

Got the blaze under control.

But they were utterly unprepared

For the astonishing sight waiting there to greet them.

Oh, boy, do I remember that one.

It was an incredible case.

I mean, like, you would never even believe it was possible

Unless you saw the evidence yourself.

Yeah, which is why I was about to show it to them.

Oh.

Hey. I'm Wendy.

And you are...?

Crime cadets.

Guillermo.

Could we see the body already,

Please?

Yeah. Okay.

Hey.

I tell it better than you.

Trust me, you guys

Are really gonna enjoy this.

What used to be the parking garage

Was filled with the contents of a dozen apartments,

Everything charred

Virtually beyond recognition...

With one incredible exception.

The csis had never seen anything like it.

I've never seen anything like it.

There's barely a mark on her.

Given the amount of available fuel consumed by this fire,

I'd say we should be looking

At a pile of roasted flesh and bone.

The body must have been put here after the fire was extinguished.

There were a dozen cops

And two dozen firefighters on the scene.

The likelihood of anyone carrying a body into this

And getting out unseen is... Slim to none.

That's when I said...

It's as if... The fire refused to touch her.

Excuse me?

And then Wendy said...

The question is,

Is it miracle or murder?

Uh, please familiarize yourself with this evidence report.

That's what you're doing, you're lying to children?

It's a teaching exercise.

It's an exercise in self-love.

Just play along and be a role model, please?

Uh, no. Why would I play along with you?

Because if you can't even imagine yourself

Out in the field, how will you ever expect ecklie to?

Okay, so there we were.

The question is, is it miracle...

Or murder?

Either way, she tried as best as she could to survive.

Sounds like something I would say.

¶ who... Are you? ¶

¶ who, who, who, who? ¶

¶ who... Are you? ¶

¶ who, who, who, who? ¶

¶ I really wanna know ¶

¶ who... Are you? ¶

¶ oh-oh-oh ¶ ¶ who... ¶

¶ come on, tell me who are you, you, you ¶

¶ are you! ¶

A few pounds there, barclay.

You been working out or something?

Yeah, new diet.

No more donuts or sugary snacks, just-just pure protein.

All beef, all day.

Trading the diabetes for a heart attack.

Good call.

Yeah, what's up, cath?

I'm in mega-lo-mattress hell.

Found another db in a quilt. I'll be here a while.

Oh, that's okay... I just wrapped up

My 419, I'll hold down the f...

Nicky?

Oh, my God!

Nicky? You there?

Yeah, yeah, I'm here.

Yeah, it looks like I'm gonna be tied up

For a little while longer here, Catherine.

Need paramedics and hazmat down to the squad.

Okay, I see it.

The concrete around the furnace is pitted and chipped,

Most likely from rapid thermal expansion.

It's called "spalling."

Now, take a look

At the vent pipes.

What do they tell you?

They're Rusty.

And since fire is essentially

A rapid oxidation reaction...

It means that the furnace

Is most likely where the fire started.

Very good.

This has got to be arson.

What makes you say that?

Most fires are either started

Because of insurance fraud or to cover up evidence of a crime.

And that certainly is a crime.

Were all the tenants

Accounted for?

And were any able to identify the victim?

Good questions...

For a Detective.

So, all the tenants have been accounted for.

I showed her picture around, but, uh,

No one recognized her.

Or so they say.

Thanks, Captain. We'll, uh, let you know

What we come up with.

That's great.

You know what? Nobody gives a damn

About life or death.

That's the truth. So why should I?

Why should you?

Do you know what the best thing to do is?

Is to just to go home...

And cuddle up with someone you love...

And just...

Forget...

...Just forget about all this-this...

Madness.

But that would let them all off the hook, wouldn't it?

So, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna get painted up,

Put on some kevlar,

Go on a five-state shooting spree

And take out these scumbags one at a time. Screw 'em.

And then let

Copper-jacketed justice take its

Sweet release.

Ooh, ouch.