The Toxic Avenger

New York City, the world capital of culture and industry.

Here, among the towering skyscrapers,

civilization is guided by men of progress and the wonders of technology.

But for all this industrial advancement, there is a price to pay.

Pollution. The unavoidable byproduct of today's society.

Every year, millions of gallons of poisonous wastes,

garbage, and radioactive chemicals are disposed of in nearby towns

such as Tromaville, the toxic waste dumping capital of the world.

Our story takes place at the Tromaville Health Club

where a young man named Melvin Furd works.

Melvin's entire life, in fact

entire being was changed by toxic chemical waste.

Would you take a look at that fucking guy?

Dumb mop boy can't even mop right.

He's so stupid!

He's always got that shit-eating grin on his face.

What's he so happy about?

I hate that mop boy.

I think that creep is coming over here.

Julie, you smell something?

Ew! P-U! What's that stink?

Gee, that's funny. I don't smell nothing.

Melvin, clean up the toilet, it stinks over here!

OK. I'll be right there!

Look what you did, you fucking asshole!

Yeah, you fucking asshole!

- Hey, what are you, retarded? - Huh? Retarded?

I'm sorry!

Sorry, huh?

You want me to go and get a fucking disease!

Yeah, you want her to go and get a fucking disease?

I didn't mean it!

Aw, I didn't mean it.

Next time you fuck with me, I'm gonna take this mop and shove it down your throat.

He is stressing me, Julie!

He is stressing me!

Oh, Bozo...

I can't take it. I cannot take it Julie. He is screwing up my karma!

See what you did, you idiot? See what you did!?

You've stressed Bozo!

I'm sorry, Julie. I didn't mean to do it. He was sitting there and I...

Ah! How dare you talk to me, you twerp!

Keep it up, Bozo. Keep it up.

But remember,

there is only one muscle you gotta worry about.

Hey, you know. I think you ought to work a little bit on your gut.

You're getting a little bit flabby there.

Where!? What are you talking about?

I don't got no fat! There's no fat here. I don't got no f...

Fat! Fat!

Slug, are you sure no one will come in?

I paid Tony 15 bucks.

He said the place is ours until tomorrow morning.

Relax. You want a drink?

- Yeah. - Alright.

Slug, can I come again next time you and Bozo go driving?

If you want to, bad enough.

I love it when we go real fast.

And they never know what hit 'em.

They never believe we're going to run 'em down.

We keep getting closer and closer.

And faster and faster.

They're just standing there and yeah.

We hit them!

I love the sound of breaking bones!

The car driving over them, dragging their bodies.

All that beautiful blood!

Slug!

I want you, now.

Oh, Slug!

Oh, Slug!

Give it to me! Give it to me! More! More!

Get out of here, you pervert!

Or I'll kill ya!

Julie. Julie, the points. The rules, what are they?

Let me see if I can remember the whole list.

Now, jews, whops, niggers and chinks,

they're all worth twenty-five points.

But Puerto Ricans, they're worth thirty points.

Now kids under twelve they're worth double points.

Skippy, don't forget your helmet.

OK, sis.

And be careful out there.

Julie, does it count if I graze them?

You got to destroy them! Bozo, I want them dead.

Now we're gonna get 'em.

Come on. Come on! Come on!

Where the fuck is everybody? Where the fuck is everybody?

How much is a kid on a bicycle?

Where?

Twenty-eight points if you get both the kid and the bike?

Let's take a closer look.

Oh, he a cute little boy, isn't he?

Out pretty late, aren't you, honey?

The coast is clear, Bozo.

We got him!

We're gonna kill him! We're gonna get him!

Now you get full points!

No way! The kid's still moving!

We're not finished yet!

He's still moving, no way you get full points.

No way, huh? No way? I'll fucking show you no way.

Give me that! Gibe me that!

Full points, my man!

Look at him! Wow, oh my God!

These are gonna be the best shots we've ever taken.

Yeah, this is fun!

These are great!

Show me your pretty pictures!

That was good! That was good!

I want to do it again! I want to do it again!

- Yeah, let's do it again! - Yeah, let's go for it again!

No, no I can't. I've got to go home.

What?

Well, I got to get up early in the morning.

Got to go to church.

Oh!

And up! Up! Up! Up!

Now kick! Out! Out! Out!

Now arms up! Stop. Stop.

That's really pitiful. Just stop. Just stop a second.

Look how many times do I have to tell you people?

Do exactly what I do.

If I kick my right foot, you kick your right foot.

If I kick my left foot, you kick your left foot.

Okay? Whatever I do, you do exactly the same thing.

Okay? Now how about we start again? You're gonna do exactly what I'm doing.

Okay guys, you know what I'm talking about?

Let's go, let's do it this time. Okay! Let's get the music! 5, 6, 7, and hey, hey...

Watch what I'm doing here. Watch how I hit this ball.

Are you watching me!? Are you watching me!?

I'm going to kill it! I'm going to kill it! I'm going to kill it!

Aah! I'm gonna kick that freak's mouth in!

Bozo, it's okay. It's okay. Hey, guys, come here.

Have I got a plan to fix that mop boys wagon.

Great! What is it?

Well...

Hi, Melvin.

Whoa!

Melvin. Melvin, it's okay. It's okay.

Hey, I just came to apologize. Yes, I didn't mean to be so nasty yesterday.

Oh, that's okay, Julie. I didn't really mind.

In fact, I was hoping you could help me,

with a little problem. I've been having.

- Who, me? - Yes but...

I can't talk about here with all these people around.

Hey, I got a great idea.

Why don't you meet me in the girls locker room?

Girls' locker room?

Yes. Then we can discuss it alone.

Oh, oh!

Okay.

Great! Let's say 7 o'clock.

Okay. That'll be good for me, too, 'cause I gotta to clean the toilets

in there around that time anyway.

Good. It's a date. See you then.

Okay.

490... 491... 492...

493... 494... 495...

Hi, guys. Well, Melvin fell for it. Hook line and sinker.

Great!

We've been driving for two whole hours.

Let's pull this rig over and take a break.

Hey, the boss'll have our asses.

You know he don't want us to stop in habitated areas

with this radioactive chemical waste we got on the back.

It's dangerous. It's like that cancerogenic stuff, you know.

Hey Joey, you remember that dope we were snorting last week?

- Do I? - Well, buddy boy. Check this out.

Holy shit! Why didn't you say so.

Let's pull it over!

Julie.

- Hi, Melvin. - Hi, Julie.

Come in, don't be shy.

So, what was it that you wanted me to help you with?

- Well, it's about Bozo. - Bozo?

Yeah, you see, I'm so sick of the way he goes around

pushing people around all the time.

He's so immature.

In fact, I don't like to go out with him anymore.

But I don't know quite how to tell him.

In fact, Melvin, I think you're handsome,

and sensitive and kind.

Oh, Melvin, I find you irresistible.

- Me? - Yes.

Melvin, I want to do it with you.

Do it?

Do it!

Do what?

Do it, Melvin, do it!

Do it? Okay.

Wait a minute. Have I got a great idea, Melvin.

What is it?

We'll go down by the pool.

And afterward we can take a cool dip.

Alright.

There's one other little thing, Melvin.

You're not wearing pink.

- Pink? - It's my favorite color.

I have my pink on.