Seinfeld

I don't know why people are surprised...

when someone gets hit in the head with a golf ball?

Have you watched the tournaments on TV?

You got 600 people crowding around a hole that big...

and no one believes it when a Titleist...

bounces off someone's coconut.

You know, you throw a rock into a crowd, that's considered terrorism.

But if you have a nice follow-through, you know, that's golf.

I'm always impressed with the golf cameraman...

whose job it is to follow the golf ball when it's in the sky.

It's a little white ball doing 100 miles an hour on a white background.

"l got it. I lost it. I got it. I lost it."

Why bother? Aim the camera at the sky. Aim it at the ground.

Take a ball out of your pocket. Throw it down.

Who's gonna know where the hell it came from?

How did you lock your keys in your car?

How? Because I'm an idiot.

- Why didn't you get a locksmith? - I was going to.

Then I found out the Auto Club has free locksmith service, so I signed up.

Just waiting for the membership to kick in.

How long has your car been sitting in the Yankee parking lot?

I don't know. About three days.

Hello, boys.

- You're not playing golf? - Yes, indeed.

Calendar says winter, but the gods of spring are out.

- And the course is open? - No, no.

I sneak in with Stan the Caddy. We go through the caddies' entrance.

- No kidding. - I'll tell you something else.

Stan's advice has transformed my game. He's never wrong.

He thinks eventually I'll have a shot at making it big on the Senior Tour.

Oh, that's my dream, Jerry.

- Really, you're getting that good? - Oh, I'm the real deal.

Yeah, here, Stan. In here. There he is.

Jerry, George, this is Stan the Caddy.

- How you doing? - Hi.

Nice to meet you.

- Ready to hit the links? - You betcha.

- What are those, cotton pants? - Yeah, yeah.

What, is it too cold out?

Here's what you do. You bring a lightweight jacket.

That way, the sun comes out, you play the jacket off the sweater.

Oh, that makes sense. That's a good call, Stan.

All right. We'll see you later.

- Yeah, we'll see you. - See you.

- Stan the Caddy. - Stan the Caddy.

Elaine?

Hi.

Oh, great. It's the braless wonder.

Who does she think she's kidding?

Look at her, she's totally out of control.

I was thinking, "That woman looks like Elaine Benes."

Yeah. What have you been up to?

- Just been hanging out. - I see.

Listen, I'm having a birthday party tomorrow evening.

- I'd love it if you came by. - Oh, tomorrow.

- I don't know if I can. - No?

- No, I'm just really, really busy. - Oh, that's too bad.

Well, I hope you can get me a gift anyway.

- George. - Mr. Wilhelm.

I'm sorry to interrupt you, but Mr. Steinbrenner and l...

want you to know we appreciate all the hours you've been putting in.

Oh, and confidentially...

Sozonkel, assistant to the general manager, hasn't been working out...

and the boss thinks you're the man for the job.

So keep it under your hat.

Assistant to the general manager! Do you know what that means?

He could be asking my advice on trades.

Trades, Jerry. I'm a heartbeat away.

That's a hell of an organization they're running up there.

I can't understand why they haven't won a pennant in 15 years.

And it is all because of that car.

See, Steinbrenner is, like, the first guy in at the crack of dawn.

He sees my car. He figures I'm the first guy in.

Then the last person to leave is Wilhelm.

He sees my car. He figures I'm burning the midnight oil.

Between the two of them, they think I'm working an 18-hour day.

Locking your keys in your car is the best career move you ever made.

- Hey. - Hey. How you doing?

- Better now. - Yeah? What happened?

- You know Sue Ellen Mischke? - Sue Ellen Mischke?

Yeah, the woman I grew up with in Maryland.

- She moved here last year. - Sounds familiar.

The heiress to the Oh Henry! candy-bar fortune?

- You mentioned her. - Yes. I ran into her today.

This woman has never, not once ever, as long as I have known her...

worn a bra.

- That is shameless. - Well, she's disgusting. She's a pig.

- There's no reason. That's wrong. - The woman's a pig.

- It's rude. - All right. There's no point.

- Come on. Come on. We're sorry. - We're only kidding.

You don't understand. See, she hasn't changed at all.

She stole my boyfriend when I was in high school.

I was at this party, and I was dating this really cute guy.

His name was Tom Cosley, by the way.

And she goes walking by in this little floozy outfit...

and he follows her right out the door.

She's your Lex Luthor.

Her birthday's coming up, see? So I decided to get her a little present.

- What are you gonna get her? - A very traditional...

a very supportive...

brassiere.

- There's nothing subtle about that. - No, no, she might just think it's a gift.

Have I ever bought you a jockstrap as a gift?

Hey.

What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at work?

I'm thinking of leaving town with Susan for a few days.

Her parents rebuilt the cabin.

So you're just taking off from work?

Yeah, well, they won't know. I got the car there.

Is this a good idea, with you being on the verge of this big promotion?

My presence in that office can only hurt my chances.

Sue Ellen Mischke to see you.

Sue Ellen Mischke?

All right. Send her in.

Hi, Elaine.

Hello.

I was in the neighbourhood...

so I thought I'd stop in and thank you for your lovely gift.

Oh, you're welcome.

Is anything wrong?

Well, Sue Ellen, it's....

It's not a top.

It's a bra.

Oh, I know.

Thanks again.

This is the life, isn't it, huh, kid?

- You wanna check out a swap meet? - Yeah, maybe.

- Where'd you get that? - It was on the windshield...

when we came out of that rest stop.

- Hello. - Hey, hey, it's George.

- I need a favour. - What's going on?

I just remembered. There's a restaurant near Yankee stadium...

- that puts fliers on all the cars. - Yeah, so?

This is what you gotta do. Go to the parking lot, take the fliers off my car.

Last time you had me throwing bread up three floors to you.

Now you want me to go to the Bronx...

take fliers off your car. Where does it end?

All right, fine. I'll drive the three hours each way and take them off myself.

All right. I'll do it.

- Hey, what are you up to? - Nothing.

You wanna go to the Bronx and see if there's fliers...

- on George's car? - Sure.

- I could have said just about anything. - Yeah.

Oh, man, look at this mess.

You know what will happen if they see this?

What are we gonna do?

- I don't know. - Well, we gotta get it washed.

Oh, the keys are locked inside.

Wait a second.

- What are you gonna do? - I'll just snag the lock with this.

There we go.

This is quite a life I lead here.

- George has to be happy about this. - Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God, Kramer, is that woman just wearing a bra?

Oh, mama.

Kramer!

My God, are you okay?

I got a cut on my head and I banged my shoulder.

I guess I have to bring his car back up to the stadium. If it can make it.

- So how did this happen? - He was staring at some woman.

Well, I couldn't help it. You saw what she was wearing.

- What woman? - There was a beautiful woman...

walking down the street wearing just a bra.

I can't get that image out of my mind.

- Oh, my God. - What?

- Was it a tall woman in a black blazer? - Yeah.

- That's Sue Ellen Mischke. - Sue Ellen Mischke?

That's the bra I gave her. She's wearing it as a top.

A woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on.

She's a menace to society.

Hey, you know, my arm really hurts.

I wonder if it's gonna affect my golf swing.

I got your message. How's the shoulder?

- It's my left arm. I can't swing it. - Oh, no, not the left arm!

What happens if I can't play like I was?

What about the tour and all my dreams?

I got it!

Let's sue her.

- Sue her? - Yeah, she's loaded.

She's the heiress to the Oh Henry! candy-bar fortune.

I can't. I learned my lesson from that coffee company.

Kramer, listen to me.

Listen. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Your dreams have been shattered.

Somebody's gotta be held accountable.

Come on. We'll take her for every penny she's got.

What do you think, Stan?

Let's go for the green.

You know a good lawyer?

So you're driving in the car.

You're with your friend, minding your own business.

- Then what happened? - We saw this woman...

and she was wearing a bra with no top.

No top? She didn't have a top on?

Yeah, so I got distracted and I crashed the car.

How would you describe this woman?

Would you say she was attractive?

- Oh, yeah. - So we got an attractive woman...

wearing a bra, no top, walking around in broad daylight.

She's flouting society's conventions.