Sausage Party

Oh, shit. Carl. Carl. Carl, Carl! Dude, we slept in again. The song's about to start!

Shit, Frank! We can't miss the song. Barry, wake up!

What? What? I'm up. I'm up.

This song is such an awesome way to start every morning.

It's a nice way of showing the gods how much we appreciate everything they'll do...

once they take us out those doors to the Great Beyond.

God, I love them so fucking much.

Oh, shit! Corn's about to start singing!

- Drop it, Corn! You got the best voice! - You're the man, Corn!

You rule! Take it away, brah!

Holy shit, I've been chosen! Ha-ha-ha.

Booyah, bitches, I'm out of here!

- Pip! - Pip!

Kiss my brownish-yellow ass!

I'm going to the Great Beyond, motherfuckers!

We need an extra cashier to the front, please.

Boo and yah, motherfuckers. Red, White and Blue Day is tomorrow!

Dudes, basically every single sausage...

gets chosen on Red, White and Blue Day.

By this time tomorrow, we're all gonna be 5 inches deep in some bun, son.

- Ba-bam. - Oh, my God, yes.

Ha-ha. More like 3 inches deep for Barry, you deformed nerd.

Ha-ha. Troy, that's funny.

You see, this is why I can't wait for the Great Beyond.

We'll all be equal, and then jerks like Troy won't be picking on me all the time...

on account of my abnormality.

Whatever, Barry. You're different, and that makes you weird.

Ignore that prick, Barry. He's full of shit. And don't forget, you've got girth.

That's way more important than length. You're a fucking champ.

You know, I am girthy. I could fill a bun. They'll know I'm there.

I'm sure there's some kind of smushed bun out there waiting for me.

- Shit, it's the Dark Lord! - Oh, no. He's coming.

No, wait! I'm still fresh. I swear!

I'm still fresh!

- Did he see us? - No way.

- We're fucked, bros! - Oh, God, no!

Take anyone but us, please!

- Oh, no! No! - No!

- No! No! - Why us?!

Fuck you, wienies.

Fuck, I hate this fucking job!

Ah, phew. You okay? Everyone okay?

That's super fucked up about Bill and those guys.

They stayed in their package, followed all the guidelines of the song.

- What do they get? - We're not supposed to understand...

the will of the gods. They work in mysterious ways.

Since we base our lives on the song, it might be nice if there was some proof.

Proof? All the proof you need is right in front of you.

Look at these big old buns.

Yeah! You know it, baby. Work those buns!

All of you. All day, "err" day.

Lined up, waiting to get filled with my meat.

Right, Carl. You really think any of these buns will line up to get filled by you?

Here's my impression of that:

"Oh, is he in there yet? I can't feel him. I don't think he's in there. Oh, wait. He is."

It's so sad. I bet you jackrabbit for a quick 15 seconds. You're like:

And then you slump over.

I mean, honestly, guys...

who in this package would ever let Carl get up in them? Huh?

Roberta, put your fucking hand down. You're ruining my joke.

See? Nobody. That's who.

Hey, dude, I don't know how to say this to you gently, but your girlfriend, um...

she's a fucking cunt.

Shut up. She's fresh as fuck, and you know it.

I don't know why you're limiting yourself to one bun. There's plenty of buns.

Because I believe in bunogomy. I'm a bunogamist.

And when a bun this fresh is into you, all you ask is when and how deep.

And the answer is:

As soon as we get to the Great Beyond and as deep as she'll let me.

I'm gonna talk to her.

Hey, Brenda. What up, girl? Heh-heh.

Sorry about those guys. Such dicks, right?

I can hear you, dude.

Shut up. Fuck you.

So looks like tomorrow's the big day, huh? Heh-heh.

You and me, finally gonna be official.

I'm so happy the gods put our packages together.

It's because we belong together.

It's like we were made for each other.

I can't wait to finally just get up in there. Just raw-dog it.

But, full disclosure, I'm pretty fucking nervous about this.

I don't know how well I'll perform once it happens.

I've obviously never been in a bun before, so...

Hey, I'm not gonna be any better. I've never opened up.

I mean, look how tight I am.

Oh, sweet fucking fuck.

Look, okay, I know it's against the rules, but I can't wait anymore.

I need to just feel you.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- Just the tips? - Just the tips?

- I can't believe we're doing this. - I know. We're so naughty.

It's fine, right? I mean, nothing bad's ever happened from just the tips.

No. No, no, no. No, no, no.

Ah.

Oh, yeah, go in. Put it in there.

- Big tip. - Oh, you wouldn't dare.

Management to Cash 5.

Management to Cash 5.

I meant to buy a normal mustard. When I got home...

I realized I bought honey mustard.

- Is it cool if I just go swap it? - I don't give a flying fuck.

Holy shit! You're back, man. Crazy!

Did you go to the Great Beyond?

Don't touch me, man! Ketchup, get your fucking hands off me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- What happened? - Oh, I'll tell you what fucking happened.

I'll tell you exactly what happened in the Great Beyond...

- you dumb, red piece of shit! - What the f...?!

As soon as we got out those doors...

So you have learned the terrible truth.

Congratulations!

Now keep it to yourself, or I will slit your throat while you sleep.

I swear to God.

Oh, my God! Did you guys just hear that?

What? What are you looking at?

He's gone. Where the fuck did he go?

I'm so fucked up. I'm so fucked up.

Ketchup, get the fuck off of me. Nobody fucking touch me!

Attention, shoppers. The store is closing in five minutes. Get out.

Hey, hey, hey, look at this. We fucking got one.

- Stand up straight, boys! - Hey!

Over here! Choose us!

We're chosen!

Pick us! Pick our package!

Brenda!

Frank!

Oh, man. I'm freaking out. My heart's racing.

I'm having an out-of-sausage experience. Yes!

Choose us! Look at us!

Oh, please, god.

- Choose us. Look at us! Oh, yes! - Please, god.

- Nice! - Whoo!

- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! - Yes! Frank, we've been chosen together.

Fucking A! Yeah!

This is so cool!

- I'm chosen! I got chosen! - Going to the Promised Land!

I'm on my way!

Yo! Oh, fuck, yeah, dude.

Somebody call a doctor because, honestly, this beat is sick.

- Actually, I feel great. Real healthy. - Not you, the beat. The song, bro.

- Oh, shit, Chips! - Huh?

C-H-I-P-S, Chips, Chips, Chips.

I've known you forever. I would never disrespect you with a lie.

I will tell you very much that you look fucking disgusting, bro.

Oh, come on.

No, I'm just messing with you, bro. But for reals? You gotta hit the gym, bro.

Oh, what's up? Yo, are you pink all the way through?

- Ew. - Ha-ha-ha.

I'm fucking with you, but also serious. Is there a different color inside?

Unh! What are you, even?

What do you mean, what am I, dude? I'm a fucking douche!

You know how long I've been waiting up in this motherfucker?

I was starting to worry the gods didn't want douches no more, but look at her.

She's a fucking 10, bro.

The G-O-D is D-T-D...

dude. Down to douche.

"Lavash, sausages..."

Oh, honey mustard.

What? No.

This can't be happening. Not again.

Oh, Jesus, not to me. Motherfuck.

Get your hands off of me. Get off of me!

- Fecking gobshite! - Back off!

You don't even know what you're celebrating.

You're celebrating your doom!

Wake up! They're lying to your fucking faces!

The Great Beyond is bullshit!

- Why isn't anybody listening to me? - Hey, buddy, are you all right?

No, I'm not all right.

It's all a lie. Everything you've been told.

- Everything you believe in. - Honey Mustard, you acting cray-cray!

We shouldn't be talking to this asshole. Everyone knows Honey Mustard's weird.

What is he? Honey? Is he mustard? Like, make up your mind or just kill yourself.

You fucking idiots. I've been there.

I've seen that shit, and there ain't no way I'm going back.

Wait, you've been to the Great Beyond?

"Great," my asshole!