Nine Perfect Strangers

I'm Masha.

Supposedly, she completely changes people,

you know. That's why I'm going, to be transformed.

‐ Good luck with that.

You're a drug addict, Tony.

There's many places you could go, but you came here.

‐ It's my brother, Zach.

He‐‐ He stopped living three years ago.

I'm angry. ‐ At me.

‐ For being so constantly upbeat.

‐ That was interesting. ‐ Could you just be open, please?

‐ It's not published yet.

‐ Maybe the guy got a leaked copy or something.

What did it say?

He didn't like it very much.

Mom! Honey!

I mean, is Masha crazy

or is she the real deal?

You're right, Delilah, this is

a particularly volatile group.

Let's start the Protocol. The new Protocol.

I've made the decision.

This is exciting.

‐ Today we give ourselves to the Earth.

What?

‐ I thought I heard a scream.

‐ Oh.

I wouldn't know. ‐ Sorry.

‐ You're not hard.

‐ I mean, you're not really wet.

‐ I am wet. Not really.

‐ I think I'd be the first to know.

‐ Hmm. Maybe our frame of reference is just different.

‐ Our frame of reference is different?

‐ I mean, my wet might not be your wet.

‐ What?

‐ Fuck me.

Morning.

‐ Hey, honey.

‐ Brushing with a lot of vigor today. Even for you.

‐ It's my Masha day. ‐ What?

‐ It's my Masha day. My, uh, my one‐on‐one.

Fabulous.

‐ Why fabulous? Do you even know what to expect?

‐ Hmm. No. No idea. It's like jumping in a river.

You just see where it takes you.

‐ Rivers just take you downstream

from wherever you are.

I guess that's the point.

‐ What can I do? ‐ Nothing, it's okay.

Like you say, we‐‐ we ride it out.

‐ Hmm.

‐ Hey, baby. Hmm.

Richie, you're sad.

What is it? What is it?

We gotta clean your teeth.

Something wrong? Oh, you scared me.

‐ Yao mentioned that you've been getting threats.

Is that another one?

‐ I'm not worried. I'm not.

‐ Think it's Connelly, maybe? His family?

It makes sense, right?

‐ What? I won. No negligence.

Well, that doesn't mean they're over it.

I mean, who else could it be?

‐ It could be... a stalker.

It could be a competitor, it could be my ex‐husband,

it could be‐‐ it could be.

I mean, I wish I could narrow the field.

‐ I don't think they're ready.

I really, really don't. ‐ Oh...

Delilah, can you trust me on this?

Sometimes I feel trust is still an issue with you, hmm?

Hmm. Yes. Take it. ‐ Thank you.

Come on. Don't worry so much.

All right. Morning, Zoe.

‐ Morning. ‐ Morning, Carmel.

Welcome, everybody.

Everyone, welcome to day three.

‐ Good morning, Yao.

I don't know where Masha sourced that mattress,

but oh, my God, it is perfection.

Heather, how are you feeling today?

‐ Oh, good. Slept amazingly actually.

How about you, sweetheart?

‐ Yeah, good.

‐ Mm. This is good.

‐ Oh, my goodness, delicious.

It's the big yum‐yum, is what this is.

‐ It's his Masha day.

Oh. It's scary, but like in a good way.

Does that make sense? ‐ I've got a splitting headache.

Okay, uh, morning schedule. We have meditation

after breakfast, then we begin our fast.

I don't have my smoothie.

There you go. Great.

Oh, look at the special plate.

‐ Yeah, that's real fucking cute.

‐ Why do you get that? I couldn't even get an Advil.

‐ Some of us have real medical conditions.

‐ I have an actual bad back.

Which your little Heimlich didn't help.

‐ You loved it.

‐ Sorry to be a nosy‐posy...

...but what am I missing?

‐ Um, he tried to kill me with a grape yesterday.

Ooh, can I get some grapes? Actually, I'm kinda having

a little blood sugar issue.

‐ We do need you all to take the fast seriously.

‐ Is that no? ‐ I'm taking it very seriously.

When do we eat again? Dinner. 7:00 pm.

‐ Oh, scheisse. ‐ 7:00? That's‐‐ that's 11 hours from now.

We will be outside all day,

so if you feel you must eat,

anything you can forage on the property is allowed.

Hmm. ‐ Today is about connecting with Mother Earth.

Living off the land.

‐ Um, can I ask?

Oh, doesn't matter. It's fine.

Go ahead. Please.

‐ Excellent. Well. When, uh, I feel stress

and tension, it, uh, typically helps me if,

uh, I talk about it.

And I was wondering whether that was okay.

You know, within the group.

‐ Of course. ‐ Absolutely.

‐ Excellent. Um... I'm feeling tension

between Jessica and Ben.

What's going on?

‐ It's probably more what's not going on.

I'm so sorry. I don't know why

I said that out loud. What do you mean by that?

"What's not going on"? ‐ I‐‐ I didn't mean anything by it.

I didn't mean to say it. ‐ What'd you tell her about us?

‐ I didn't say anything.

She just must be really intuitive.

‐ Listen, you're with friends here.

You would feel much better if you just talked it out.

‐ Hey, talk this out, bro. You're a real dick.

‐ Delilah, I would like to report Ben to HR.

Who do I speak to about that? Lars.

You need to stop being antagonistic.

‐ Well, good luck with that.

Excuse me?

‐ Excuse you? You remember?

That's what you said when we met at the General Store.

I told you I was coming here to be transformed...

...and you said, "Good luck with that."

‐ Wow, you really have given that a lot of thought.

Seriously, babe, get yourself a vibrator,

let off some steam. ‐ Really?

Okay, okay. Back to the schedule, please.

We have meditation from 9:00 to 10:00.

Potato sack race at 10:15.

Napoleon, you have Masha at 11:00.

‐ Wait. Did you just say potato sack race?

‐ Yes, I did. Exercise combined with laughter

is proven to reduce stress and anxiety,

which it seems we could use.

‐ Sensational! Potato sack race,

I'm not doing it.

‐ Tony, you can be excused because of your knee.

Right. And, um, Frances,

if your back is bothering you...

‐ It really is.

No problem. But I can tell you

it's one of our most popular activities.

We've never had a guest who regretted participating.

‐ Count the Marconis in.

‐ Uh‐oh, I wanna be on the Marconi team.

‐ Yeah, and Carmel.

There you go. ‐ Bet you guys are from a long line of potato‐sackers.

‐ Oh, you bet. I got‐‐ I got moves like Tigger.

Look at this!

‐ You could be in the Olympics.

No. Sit down. You're gonna hit the ceiling!

Is it individual bags, or do we get to jump in the sack

with somebody else? 'Cause if we do...

I choose Jessica. I'm gay, but I still choose Jessica.

‐ Aw, that is so sweet of you to say.

‐ Look at those claws. My God, they're fierce.