The Simpsons

Ooh!

D'oh!

* On the twelfth day of Christmas *

* My true love gave to me *

* 12 Grampas grumbling *

* 11 Barneys belching *

* Ten Lennys leaping *

* Nine Carls dancing *

* Eight Moes a-milking *

* Seven Selmas smoking *

* Six Flanders praying *

* Five golden Frinks *

* Four crawling nerds *

* Three-eyed fish *

* Two special Ralphs *

* And a Maggie in a snugglie. *

So, what prank are you going to lead off with?

The exploding pen.

Don't think I've heard of it.

Let the games begin.

Simpson, that is a rebuilt Yugoslavian engine.

There isn't even a Yugoslavia anymore!

Bring it back at once!

You're the boss.

Stupid punishment.

I hate hard work, unless it's on pranks.

Shiny enough to see Skinner's ugly face.

Come with me.

I'll grill your cheese yet, boy.

You weren't the first prankster to destroy

the car I rent from mother, and you won't be the last.

"Rent"? Rent to own.

Just 35 more payments, and it's halfway mine.

The point is, I've seen hooligans like you come and go.

You're all just a big blur of short pants

and sinister smiles.

Well, maybe so, but I'm the best.

The best of your era, maybe.

Are you saying there was a kid who was worse than me?

Way worse.

Anyway, think no more about it.

You're dismissed.

Wait! Wait! If there's someone worse,

I have to know who he is.

"He"?

It's a she?

Just kidding, it's a guy.

But let's not dwell on a mysterious figure

from the past who was your superior in every way.

Out you go.

Milhouse, there was a guy who pulled

even bigger pranks than me!

Wow! Imagine his sidekick.

Man, if he lost that giant inhaler,

he'd really be in trouble with his parents.

Hmm.

* Tubs are for bath time and water-splashy fun *

* But there's one thing that must never be done *

* Poop in the tub *

* Poop in the tub *

* I'm not gonna poop in the tub. *

Okay, everyone!

Snack time!

I've got milk and cookies.

Hydroxeos?!

Marge, how could you?!

Those cookies are full of high fructose corn syrup

and partially hydrogenated oils.

Have you even read the books I've read?

But this is from the Kwik-E-Mart.

You and your husband work there.

I would sooner pour the polluted water of the Ganges

down their gullets than give them this carton

of cow cancer you call "milk."

Sorry. I didn't know.

Marge, until you start serving healthy food,

the Midday Mommies are pulling you from snack rotation.

Hydrogenated, ugh!

Mm-hmm.

A prankster that awesome

must've made the school paper.

Hmm. Lis,

I just discovered something weird.

Ten years ago, this paper didn't publish

for two whole weeks.

Now, before the gap, look at Skinner.

Hmm.

And here he is after the gap.

Hmm, something must've happened during those two weeks

to turn Skinner from cool to, as you would say, "tool."

I know what happened:

the ultimate prank.

A prank that changed Skinner from cool to tool.

Is that a backhoe behind him?

Huh.

It is!

Zoom in and enhance. Mm.

Willie!

He must know the answer.

Before you go, can you distribute

these newspapers throughout the school?

Well, I'd be a pretty lousy brother if I didn't.

Willie, I know you witnessed

the most awesome prank since creation.

Can you tell me about it?

I'll nae speak to ye

of those dark times, Bart Simpson.

But if there was a more awesome dude than I,

I've got to know who he was, what he did

and how many days detention he got.

Something happened.

Something that changed Skinner and you.

I haven't changed!

I've always been Swim Teacher Willie

and I always will be!

See, oh...

All right, I'll tell ya.

Years ago, this school had a pool.

I was an eager, young swim coach, teaching American youth

the revolutionary Aberdeen crawl.

It was a talented group, and we were

all set to go to the state finals.

I shaved and waxed the boys myself.

Then came the Night of the Wigglers.

What an awesome day!

Yo, Skin-man! Little help?

Right back at you, Jason.

Stay in school. I will.

I am so stoked for my daily swim.

Had he stopped whistlin' and looked down,

the world wouldn't have changed that night.

But he didn't, and it did.

Worms!

He spent all weekend in that crypt full of creepy-crawlies.

Monday was teacher development day,

so Skinner wasn't rescued till Tuesday morn.

And by then, he was the twisted monster you see today.

Shut this pool down, Groundskeeper Willie.

Willie. Bart.

Monster.

So my ass isn't the baddest

in the history of this school!

Who did it, Willie?

His name is Andy Hamilton.

Andy Hamilton.

But whatever you do,

never tell me where you learned his name,

Marge, what are you doing?

This junk food has got to go.

It's full of chemicals, trans fats

and hard-pore corn.

No!

Don't worry, my sweets!

I'll put out the fire!

Homie, no!

That topping is a petroleum by-product!

Ow!

"Andy Hamilton, 53 Hyperion Drive."

Bart, it's not always a good idea

to meet your hero.

I once followed Santa home from the department store,

and what I saw wasn't pretty.

I can't live my life, knowing there might be

someone better than me at the one thing I'm good at.

Entré and partay!

Krazy Glue!

Bart, you've been pranked!

Eh, it needs a topper.

And look, some idiot left glue loosener

just lying around!

Ah! Here it comes.

Ay, caramba!

Man, it is an honor

to meet the guy who wormed Skinner.

You know, when I was your age,

we couldn't film our pranks for YouTube.

It was local news or nothing.

Potato chip?

Hmm, wait a minute.

Are there spring snakes in this can?

No, no-no, no-no, no-no. Give me some credit.

It's a real snake.

Whoa!

Don't worry, it's defanged.

Although he can still

rub poison on you with his gums.

I would really wash that arm if I were you.

Can I go home now? You should probably wait.

You're going to be very sleepy for the next few hours.

Isn't this the best day of your life?

So, you want to be

Springfield Elementary's next Andy Hamilton?

Then you'll have to top these awesome pranks.

The bear traps in gym class.

The fire in the drinking fountain.

And, of course, the fake heart attack

on an international flight.

They had to land the plane in Nairobi!

Some chick missed her own wedding!

I am impressed.