Bon Cop, Bad Cop (Bon Cop Bad Cop)

- Ηey, Ron, it's Patrick from Montreal.

- Patrick, you're on the air. What can I do for you, buddy?

I heard this rumour

that the Toronto team might be sold to Ηouston!

That... that rumour, not!

- Listen, I know it's 100% accurate information.

It comes directly out of the mouth of my brother-in-law.

- Don't give me the brother-in-law, don't give me the cousin!

The taxi driver, the bartender,

Uncle Mike, my brother-in-law.

Your brother, your cousin...

Who cares about the bullshit?

The real rumour is, a bloody team from Canada

will be sold to the U.S.

But it's not Vancouver, Calgary, Deadmonton, Taranna, Montreal.

- Yeah, well, you know, Ron, since the lockout things have been going--

Lockout? What lockout?

What's the problem with the lockout?

You know, Mr. Buttman,

with all that cheap American crap like cheerleaders and mascots and--

Yeah, you're right about that.

Don't hate the cheerleaders, but I can't stand the mascots.

Can't stand the mascots, with the tail and the frou-frou.

Can't stand the mascots! You want to know what else?

- What? - In the end, who cares?

Because of the lockout,

we've got ourselves a final between Montreal and Τoronto.

Yahoo! So don't believe the rumours

a Canadian team is moving south.

But it's the end!

The beginning of the end. Finito, kaput, the end.

Thanks a lot. Next caller.

What's going on here?

What is this? Why am I tied up?

What am I doing here?

What did I do?

That's the problem, Βen.

You didn't do anything.

You know I tried to help.

You know that, right?

Right?

You know...

I didn't want to drop you...

Let me go, we'll work things out.

Untie me!

Let's help each other, eh?

You were like a brother to me!

- Shhh-shhh-shhh... - Ah!

What are you doing?

Where are you?

Shhh-shhh-shhh...

- The game's on. - Ah...!

- ... a new highpoint in Canadian hockey history.

The Ηolt Cup final between the Toronto Loyalists and the Montreal Patriotes.

The referee is ready to drop the puck. And the game is on!

: Toronto's never looked sharper,

the European refs have never looked duller! Which leaves Montreal.

Remember when Montreal had Frenchies that could score?

Well, those days are long gone.

- Well, thanks, Tom, for your usual amazing insights

into our national psyche.

Frenchies that can score, eh? Europeans?

What a country this is on a fine day in May!

Hey, bud! Morning!

Ahem.

No food.

- Where you going? - Βack to my room.

- You're not hungry? I got some great new cereal.

- I'm not in the mood for shredded cardboard right now, thanks.

So, Jonathan, how was last night?

The DJ thing. - It was good.

- Yeah? You had fun? - Uh-huh.

- Morning, boys! - I've got this thing at work.

It may be overnight, so Auntie Iris is here, okay?

- Hey, hey! - Hey!

- Βut I'm hoping that won't last too much longer.

I'm hoping to be a DJ man myself, you know?

What's that?

DJ man!

- Oh, God... - Desk job, get it?

Desk job? Hey!

Yeah...

Jay, come on, where you going?

Tell me something good, please, after that.

- Okay, last night I was spinning. - Yeah?

Εveryone was going crazy!

People were on the tables! - Hell, yeah, they were.

- So the next guy went up after me, but no one really liked him,

so they called me back, 'cause they wanted me.

The girls must've been all over you.

Uh, yeah.

There is a redheaded girl...

- A redheaded girl? - Yeah...

Just asking.

You know what?

Jay, let's go grab some breakfast.

Outta here, you know? Me and you,

shoot the shit. - Okay.

- Give me the juicy details... Get your stuff.

See ya!

How do you do that?

I can't get a full sentence out of him.

Come on, brother.

He's 1 5.

You're his dad. - I suppose so.

It's 22 degrees in Montreal...

Ηey, did you see last night's game?

Toronto isn't giving up, so, hey, Patriotes,

show us your stuff and bring home the Cup.

Oh... You're here. Wow.

Aren't you sweet. - Good morning...

to all of you.

Jerk.

Daddy!

Hi, sweetie.

Did a bad guy do that to you?

- Daddy met someone even more hard-headed than Mommy.

You're funny.

Good morning, sweetie. Did you sleep well?

Oh, French toast!

Thank you, Daddy! - My pleasure.

- Daddy, I have something to ask you.

Ah, okay.

What's up?

Can I get my bellybutton pierced?

Εxcuse me?

I want to pierce my bellybutton.

What did Mommy say?

She didn't even try with me.

- Let me think about it and we'll talk later.

You're not cool.

- Would you please go upstairs to my place and get some milk?

- I told my friends you were the coolest father.

Of course!

- Your cool thing is not going to work.

Go get the milk, please. Thank you.

- You can get your face sown up once a week

but I can't get my bellybutton pierced! - I didn't say no,

I said your mother and I will talk about it

and then she'll tell me what we've decided.

You're not funny.

- Now go get the milk or I personally will pierce your navel.

Go on. - Okay, okay.

Βellybutton piercing...

What's wrong?

- Nothing. It's just that if you could be like that

for more than 1 0 minutes at a time, we might still be married.

Come on...

Could be worse.

Some couples don't even get 1 0 minutes.

- Yes, but in between those 1 0 minutes

there's always the job,

women, the job,

your pals, hockey,

the job...

the phone.

Βouchard.

Yeah?

No, come on, it's my day off.

See what I mean?

- All right, all right. I'm on my way.

I have to go.

Βut let's talk about this again real soon.

- Say, when Gabrielle goes to university?

Is it that urgent?

- Don't forget your daughter's ballet recital.

Honestly!

Do you actually think I'd forget something like that?

Suzie?

Huh?

When is it?

At 4:00.

How do you expect me to find another man?

It's hard enough having one child, let alone two.

- Don't say that. You'll find somebody.

Come on, you've still got great tits.

- Run along now, go play cops and robbers,

your little pals are waiting.

- Jesus Christ, who's the idiot that had the road blocked?!

It took me two hours to get to my own crime scene!

For you, today I am DΕTΕCTIVΕ Dave!

Martin Ward.

David Βouchard.

Enchanté.

Εnchantay!

Hey, we got somebody that can spick de French.

I guess he's the victim?

- We can't classify him as a victim yet,

but we can say he's had a bit of a rough night.

Not much blood, though.

- Well, it's been fun. Good luck, guys.

Hey, where you going?

Βack home.

This is obviously your case.

- What do you mean, our case? It's very clearly your case!

How do you figure that?

His feet are on your side.

- Εxactly. His head is on your side. What's your point?

My point?

If you play football or tennis or whatever,