Rock Paper Grenade (Я і Фелікс)

Yes, yes…

And what about him?

UKRAINE

I know.

It's just so frustrating…

Well, yes.

Tima, what are you doing?

What?

Well, bye, I need to go.

Don't you hear me?

I'm playing.

What are you playing?

Tima, don't annoy me!

Don't move!

Perfect! Are you handsome?

Yes, you are!

Tima! Olya!

We have a guest.

Felix Petrovych.

-Tima, don't play with your food. -This liver looks like a chocolate cake.

Well, eat it.

Have some mushrooms, Tima.

So, let's eat.

-Should we drink first? -Yes, sure.

Say something!

To the all good things.

It's not a good idea.

Bless you!

Have more food!

Lida, give me a knife.

What knife?

-Is this good? -Yes.

Felix is a Count.

Oh?

Count Dracula!

And also a former soldier, an officer!

He fought in a war.

Where?

In Afghanistan!

For how many years? Six?

Eight.

Wow.

Did you kill people?

Tima, don't ask questions like that.

Yes, I did.

And you?

Would you like some more wine?

Yes.

-What are you talking about? -Shush!

What does this "shush" mean?

How do you stand in front of an officer?

Hi, Grisha!

I have no idea where I am.

Fuck, don't tell me "how"!

Olya?

He isn't a "drunk"! He survived the war!

Mum, he's a drunk with delirium tremens!

Olya!

No, he isn't!

Can I have a bit of understanding?

Mum, listen to me!

You can invite all alcoholics of this district if you want!

I even don't know what can I answer!

These shelves are ours.

These belong to grandma and Felix. Don't touch anything out of those.

MY FAMILY AND OTHER ANIMALS

Do you hear me?

-What? -What?

Lida,

is Felix going to live with us?

He is.

Can you play Ogiński's "Polonaise"?

I'm not sure.

Why are you wearing pants?

I've just ironed them! They won't look nice anymore.

-Do you hear me? -Yes, I do.

-Do you want to be like a fool? -No, I don't.

Fucking morons! Who are you, bitch?

Come on! Pass it to me!

-Hey, bro! -Daddy!

Hi! How are you doing?

Come here! You'll help me.

Take it.

Look here.

-Pineapple? -Yes!

This is for you, bro.

And I also have a surprise for you at home.

What surprise?

-It's a surprise. -Tell me!

-Another pineapple? -You'll see it at home.

Here you go.

Just don't pour too much.

Take a photo of me!

-Show us the trick! -This is the trick!

-Why are you screaming at me? -What do you mean? I have such a voice!

Scream at your hubby! He arrived and immediately left. As usual.

And yours is drinking again, but you don't give a damn!

Leave me alone, for God's sake! At least we see a real man in our home!

Tima, let's go, let's go!

-Did you bring the knives? -Yes.

Good boy.

And look, if the mushroom has a spongy surface with pores, it's good.

If it is agaric, it might be good or bad,

and if it has a "skirt", it's bad.

If you're not sure, throw it away.

Okay, let's go.

Give me the knife.

Lida, when will you and mum make peace?

I don't know.

Is it because you fell in love with Felix?

Yes, I fell in love.

Do you think he is handsome?

Yes, he is.

Oh God…

Drink a bit faster. I don't have another cup.

This is the mission of Hercules,

to clean the Augean stables.

And right now we ostensibly have buried the Empire…

Lida?

…the genre of grotesque, not the tragedy…

Where is Lida?

She went out.

…what a bloody and dirty page of a history that can be called

the totalitarianism of 20th century…

-Can you play chess? -Yes.

That's good.

Check and checkmate!

-But I can fight your figure. -No, you can't.

-Oh… I didn't notice. -What are you doing?

Now… put them back.

So, Sergeant, I'm telling you…

The world is not how others see it or describe it.

They say: we went for mushrooms, we picked some mushrooms.

But do you know that the mushroom that we pick

has nothing in common with the real mushrooms?

A mushroom, as an organism, is a mycelium, and it grows underground.

And what we pick is like the buds from flowers.

They only scatter fungal spores.

By the way,

the largest living organism in the world is a fungus.

It was found in North America.

There are two different races on our planet,

men and women.

Men should remember only one thing about women.

Women's brain is different to ours.

I'm sure women are like aliens. This is how we should treat them.

We should keep our distance and be careful.

People say men rule the world. How do they rule?

They have wars.

I don't know what else… Corporations…

And the women, they somehow…

They interact differently, you know?

Be careful.

Hold it.

It's heavy.

Give me your hand.

-We'll have a hideout here. -These cells look like the women's tits!

Not tits, these are bells.

I'll show you something now, Sergeant.

-Is it beautiful? -Is it an assault rifle?

Yes, it's the assault rifle. "Ksiuha".

-Hold it. -What's this?

I'll show you in a moment.

It's a piston. And you insert it…

Does it shoot?

It kills.

-You pull it and make a controlled shot. -Can I try?

Try it.

Well, something like that.

Don't forget about the magazine.

What happened to your fingers? Did you break them at war?

In captivity.

-Mum! -I'm here.

-Did father come? -No, he just sent the parcel.

Hey! Wash your hands first!

-I'll tell you such a story! -Can't wait.

"Good friends, many kisses, laughs, smiles,

and gorgeous gifts!"

"Happy Birthday, dear Mummy!"

"I wish you happiness and joy. I bow down before you,

because I love and respect you."

Oh, wow.

Sorry, the postcard is dented I was carrying it in my backpack.

I like it very much.

So, you're bowing down before me?

Yes!

Hmmm… We will see.

Well…

I'd better drink your lemonade.

Get ready to say a speech.

Wait, wait for a while.

-I'm ready. -I wish you all the best!

-Is that all? -Yes!

-Tima… such a good speech! -Cheers!

Thank you!

Shall we invite Lida, maybe?

Without Felix?

Though, he is drinking less.

He played chess with me.

We were walking on the beach,