Welcome to Happiness

Hi.

Hi, I'm sorry to bother you,

this is really awkward, I actually don't even,

I don't even know why I'm here.

That's okay, it's okay, I do, come in.

Take a seat.

- I'm sorry, I'm, I'm just really confused,

can, could you explain...

Yeah absolutely, I will.

Just take a seat, don't take a seat,

whatever you want,

I'm gonna go grab something

and then we'll get started, okay?

- Okay. - All right.

Okay.

All right.

I'm Woody by the way.

I'm Leah.

Oh hey.

I see.

I think I'm actually supposed to

give you this. - Whoa!

Oh my God.

It's the missing D!

Oh my God!

Hang on.

I haven't been able to display these,

much to my dismay but now, thanks to you,

check this out.

Ward.

It's my full name, it's Darwin Ward.

Okay.

Yeah, I've had these things forever

and then I lost the D a long time ago

and I never put them out

'cause I didn't like looking at war all day,

Yeah.

but wow, I can't believe you just-

Well it's funny actually

how that block came to me.

You know, it always is.

It's...

Okay. - Okay.

Yeah, let's get started.

All right, so what I'm gonna to need to do

is I'm gonna have to ask you a couple of questions.

Okay.

Okay, just answer honestly.

Okay.

You'll be fine.

Okay.

Okay, question one.

Complete the following sentence.

"You shall be..."

Rewarded.

Yeah, right, good.

See?

Simple.

You got it?

Number two, "Do you remember what you wore

"on your first day of school in ninth grade?"

Yes, I do.

It was a white t-shirt

and in black marker I had written "vandalism".

- It says here that you spelled vandalism van-dial-ism,

is that right?

Yeah, that sounds...

This is embarrassing but I'm kind of a bad speller.

That's all right, a lot of people are.

All right, last question.

This one's, it's a little weird but

"Do you or don't you?"

I do.

Good.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Awesome, all right.

Are you ready for the cool part?

Okay.

So, I need you to take this,

Okay.

I need you to close your eyes

and I want you to focus on that rock.

Okay, I want you to squeeze it,

I want you to squeeze it and hold it tight

and I want you to visualize it

turning any color that you can imagine.

I'm gonna close my eyes with you, okay?

Okay.

Okay, do you have it?

Yeah.

What color is it?

It's green.

Like the green that my room was when I was little.

And what happened in that room?

Nothing.

Okay.

Okay, you can open your eyes now.

Can I let go?

Yeah.

One second.

It's a nice wall color.

Yeah.

Congratulations, come with me.

This is it.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Now, it only opens from the other side,

when it does, go in, okay?

What's on the other side?

Honestly, I have no idea

but I'll tell you this much

not everybody gets to go through that door.

You're special, Leah

and I might be just a little bit jealous of you right now.

You're gonna be fine.

Hell you're gonna be better than fine.

Okay.

- They're gonna take care of you like a little lamb.

Okay?

Don't be scared.

You'll be fine.

We're gonna go ahead right now

and remember the last time we did this

there was no pro lines.

We're gonna go ahead and we're throwing in the Shaq Plaque.

That right there is a $50 value in and of itself.

Keith, show them a shot of the Shaq Plaque.

Hold on, they can't be doing this.

They're telling me right now,

if you call in in the next 10 minutes

that we're gonna give you a Burton Sanders rookie card.

Folks, I repeat, this cannot possibly be correct.

Do not call, stop calling.

They're telling me that we're giving away

a Burton Sanders rookie.

So this cannot be right, this cannot, oh my God.

No, they're telling me that it is right.

It's right here, this Burton Sanders rookie

it's worth more than the pro lines,

it's worth more than the Shaq Plaque,

it's worth more than the Jordans

and that, is right here.

Somebody's gonna lose their job Keith,

it's gonna be me or you.

God you gotta be kidding me.

You okay.

Hey, how's it going?

Good what's wrong?

Boyfriend?

Sending you letters

from slammer doing five years armed robbery?

How'd you know?

Good guesser.

- It's a cheque, he owes me money the joy of breakups.

Sorry.

Well I live right there so, you know,

you ever need a little sugar come on by.

What?

I didn't mean that.

You said it.

I know, I totally, I meant it in like

the folks say it like, come on by

and grab a cup of sugar from a neighbor.

This is a mess.

I'm sorry,

It's fine.

all right, I'm not gonna say I wasn't

you know, trying to be a little flirtatious

but I wasn't trying to be like creepy.

But your intentions were flirtatious.

Yeah I mean a little bit, who, you know,

who borrows a cup of sugar?

Okay.

Okay.

Good.

Good.

Okay.

- Mum gets nervous when you sneak over there buddy.

You gotta go home.

You hear me?

You gotta go home.

Go home.

Hello.

Hello is his Nyles Kominski?

Yeah, this is him.

Hi, my name is Ripley Huwing

I'm interested in the Burton Sanders rookie card

you got listed.

Yeah see that little bit of wear in the corner here,

it's not a huge deal but it's definitely not mint.

It says 40, I could give you 30?

Sure.

- Okay. - Yeah.

Who do I make it out to?

Nyles Kominski.

Okay.

Can I?

Sure.

Where did you get that?